Hitchcock Page #4

for Reader's Digest...

on what it's like to be married to a man

obsessed by murder.

Alma, you deserve a break.

Let's drive up to Santa Barbara.

We'll have Emilio fry up those juicy steaks

that we love so much, at El Encanto.

we're ready for you on set.

Mister Hitchcock?

Was there a long line

at the supermarket?

No, actually.

I'm home earlier than I expected.

Mmm.

Would you like a cocktail?

No.

And you shouldn't have one either.

That hasn't been washed yet.

I don't care.

Oh, I was filming all day today

with John Gavin.

He's a good-looking chap.

But, really, plywood is more expressive.

I think his love scene

with Janet Leigh...

may be the most horrifying thing

in the movie.

Even your friend, Mister Whitfield Cook

would be better in the scene.

Why don't you tell him yourself?

I'm sure he'd be very flattered.

You know, my dear...

maybe I was a bit too dismissive...

about your friend Whitfield's book.

Perhaps he and Elizabeth

could come over this weekend...

and walk me through it, as they say.

Lovely woman, Elizabeth.

Well, I was hoping

you could come to the set tomorrow.

Yes. Well, I'll see how

my day shapes up.

Yes.

with it, don't you? But you can't.

You think they can't tell,

but they can.

They know.

You can feel that noose tighten

around that breakable little neck.

You could return the money secretly,

but what would that prove? It's too late.

Poor Marion Crane, always so tight,

so respectable, so prim and so proper.

Perfect, untouchable,

unsullied Miss Crane.

Daddy's perfect little angel.

And now they all know those dirty little

secrets you've been hiding so long.

Messy, sticky, little lunchtime trysts...

with that oh-so-handsome failure

Mister Samuel Loomis.

They'll smirk, they'll gossip

and they'll whisper.

Even your boss, strait-laced,

hatchet-faced Mister George Lowery...

why even he can smell the rancid,

pungent scent of sex all over you!

All right, circle that and print it.

Let's get this thing fixed once and for all.

I'm sick and tired of it. Come on.

Why is it breaking down all the time?

Okay, what's it going to take to reset?

Come in.

I thought you could use

a little pick-me-up.

- You're so sweet. Thank you.

- Not at all.

- Here, have a seat.

- Thanks.

I can't imagine your husband would be

too pleased with what just happened.

Well, you know...

with Tony and the kids, you'd be surprised

what comes out

of their mouths sometimes.

You haven't spoken to him much

about your personal life, have you?

- Hitch?

- Mmm-hmm.

No. Not really.

I would keep it that way if I were you.

Why?

Well, it starts with him

wanting to choose your hairstyle.

Then, he wants to choose your clothes...

and your friends,

and how many children you should have.

You know that poor, tortured soul

Jimmy Stewart played in Vertigo?

Hmm.

That's Hitch.

Only younger, slimmer

and better-looking.

Well, I don't know.

Compared to Orson Welles,

he's a sweetheart.

He's always watching.

- Yeah?

- How long is this going to take?

- Give me five minutes.

- Get a move on, I haven't got all day.

Why does it keep burning out all the time?

Just get it fixed.

So what's the hold-up?

- It's still engaged.

- All right, give it to me, I'll try it.

- Here, I've dialed.

- Hitch.

I'm stuck on Lila's first scene.

I don't know how strongly I should

confront Sam and the detective...

Darling, just fake it. Fake it.

You know how to do that. Act.

Where are my revisions?

Come on, does it really require two men

to carry a light stand?

Hilton!

I'll take care of

it right away, Mr. Hitchcock.

It makes all the difference

when the money's

coming out of your own pocket, doesn't it?

I'll make reservations for 1:30.

Whit. What would I do without you?

Until then, bye-bye.

Bye.

Whit? What did you forget now?

Whit?

Whit?

- Mister Hitchcock, sir, please.

- No, no.

Every press outlet is dying for photos.

If we could just get one photo...

Get off my set! I'll have security...

Get off my set. Just go.

Get rid of this man. He's a bloody pest.

Get him off the set, now.

- Are you okay? You've gone very pale.

- I told you to get away.

Stop following me around like a puppy dog

and get me a drink.

- It's not even three!

- Then give me the key to the cabinet.

Hello, Hitch. How's the picture?

I'm hearing interesting things.

It's a miracle anyone can hear anything...

above the noise coming from

Geoffrey Shurlock's office.

You know, I shouldn't be in a position

of just hearing things, Hitch.

- It's time you showed me some footage.

- Why?

To see if you're making a picture

Paramount can actually release.

As you well know...

my contract guarantees me final cut.

Your contract also says...

Paramount isn't required to distribute

any film that could

cause us embarrassment.

Unlike the last five Martin and Lewis films

you're all so proud of.

I demand to see some footage!

Hitch!

You show me some damn footage now!

Hitch!

You have no idea how wonderful it is

not to have to look after someone.

I mean, even if it's just for two hours.

So, where are we going, Whit?

You haven't told me.

I have a little surprise.

Ooh.

Where's your driver?

I have been asking myself

the same thing.

Well, I can give you a ride

if you'd like.

- Mmm-hmm.

What are these things?

I keep looking at them, what are they?

Candy corn. Girls love them.

Candy corn.

I nicked them from Tony's dressing room.

- Oh.

- Mmm-hmm.

Very nice.

I thought you only liked

those Fauchon chocolates.

Well, needs must when the devil drives,

my dear.

Luckily, I'm driving.

- Thank God for that.

with his leading ladies.

It's just that this time it feels like

he's using them against me.

Well, I suppose he's like any great artist.

Impossible to live with,

but worth the effort.

Did you know, before we got together,

I was his boss?

He had to work his way up to Assistant

Director before he dared ask me out.

- Really?

- Mmm-hmm.

Huh.

You see that house over there?

- Yes.

- What do you think of it?

It's lovely, isn't it?

What a great position.

It's mine.

I just talked to Elizabeth,

she didn't say anything about it.

She doesn't know anything about it.

Nobody does.

Do you want to see it?

Well, thank you, my dear.

Any time.

- Can I keep these?

- Absolutely.

- Would you like one?

All right, well, thank you.

- Hitch?

- What?

What really did happen

with you and Vera?

Oh...

Vera.

See, she was going to play the lead

in Vertigo.

And two weeks before filming,

she told me she was pregnant, and...

I was going to make her into a star...

but she chose the life

of a housewife instead.

Why do they do it, I wonder?

Why do they always betray me?

Oh!

Very bohemian.

I just leased it for the off season.

A place to get away from the wife, kids,

and write.

Whit, I hope you don't have

the wrong idea.

If you were serious

about helping me adapt my book...

I thought that this might make

the perfect...

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