Hits

You are an amazingly

talented woman.

Thank you.

I mean, you have

an amazing voice.

I love...

I've said that to you before.

Thank you.

You're a great artist,

and you write...

and you write great songs.

Thanks.

I just think you're so talented.

Oh, thank you.

Are you surprised

by all the attention

that is going on right now

surrounding you?

To be honest, Ellen, no.

I'm just so excited to announce

my record with Kanye

and my movie

with Robert Pattinson

that is gonna do great

in theaters.

We're gonna do

"would you rather."

Would you rather date

Robert Pattinson

or Taylor Lautner?

Oh!

You're so bad.

I have a boyfriend,

Ryan Gosling.

But, actually,

on a serious note,

Ryan and I will be going

back to my hometown

to open an owl sanctuary.

My dumb hometown.

Excuse me.

I have a question

about the metal.

I... can I just dump this?

I have a used kettle.

Do I put it

in the regular trash,

or do I put it...

Plug-in or stove-top?

Plug-in.

Hey, Rich.

Hey, Dave.

Dale around?

Yeah, he's inside.

Who's she?

I don't know.

New, I guess.

Man, there's more and more

of them every day, right?

F***ing "citiots."

Hey, did you get

your road paved yet?

Don't start in on that sh*t

with me, Dave.

That's your tax dollars,

you know.

I wrote two letters to the ACLU

because I didn't get

my due allotted time

at a town council meeting.

See, the problem is,

you've got these troglodytes

running everything,

and guess what direction

they're running towards:

The ground.

Everything.

Every institution that

these morons deem precious...

the IMF, the UN, the DEA,

FDA, HEF, CDC, everything...

is being run

right into the ground.

And they're all

in collusion with each other.

That's how it works.

You have been sold a false

bill of goods, my friends,

and now it's time

for these insipid ignoramuses

to crawl back

under the rocks they came from

and leave the seeding

and the flowering of liberty

to those that can nurture

and care for it:

You and me, my friends.

We need to drain the swamp.

Top of the next hour,

we're gonna talk

to Lieutenant Grace Rittle,

ex-military command...

Day 128.

Hello, Mr. Stuben.

This is Megyn McKibbons

with the Montgomery County

Commissioner's Office.

We received your emails

and phone messages.

As you are aware,

the council meets every...

I already knew that.

And council meetings

are open to the public.

Public comment

may be made in person

at the county council meeting

or prior to the meeting

via regular U.S. mail.

Hi, Dad!

Hey.

Oh, my god, I have to ask you

a huge favor.

- I need to borrow...

- Here we go.

Borrow, not take or have.

I need to borrow $300.

I don't have that kind of

money to throw around, Katelyn.

I know, Dad; I know, I know.

But it's really,

really important.

It's for my demo.

My friend Julie... you know her;

You really like her.

She has a cousin;

He's super cool.

Okay, Dad, he has a studio

in his house.

He'll let me record my demo

in his house.

But I thought American Idol

already said no.

God, Dad,

it's not American Idol.

I already told you that.

It's The Voice.

Shakira's on it.

Babe, I just don't have

that kind of money.

Besides, you still owe me

the money you borrowed

to get the car fixed.

I know, I know, I know

I still owe you for that.

Dad, just please, please,

just add it to what I owe you.

Babe, I just don't

have any cash.

I really don't.

Okay, well, then, like,

$100, then?

Because I'm gonna have $200

left over after rent this month.

Is that good?

I mean, what if you just

move back in for a bit?

Oh, my god, Dad, no.

And I'm working

at the Tap tonight.

That's my third shift this week,

so I'll definitely

have the money

by, like, next Friday or

the Friday after that for sure.

Have you asked your mom?

She could maybe...

She's at Mohican Sun

with T.J. and Dave.

Come on, who the f*** knows

when she'll be back?

Oh, my god.

Oh, thank you.

I don't know what I have.

Is that okay?

Dad, thank you.

Oh, my god!

Okay, okay.

Thank you!

Hey, hey.

You want to stick around

for dinner?

I got Old El Paso taco shells.

Oh, I love those.

I can't, though,

'cause I got to talk to Julie

about recording.

Okay.

Yeah, I've been

making tacos myself.

Oh, that's great!

I just cut up a turkey burger

or meat loaf.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

It's like a Southwestern taco.

That sounds good, Dad.

Yeah, it's good.

Come by tomorrow night;

I'll be here.

Okay, Dad.

And watch out

for that goddamn pothole, okay?

All right.

I love you.

Love you too, Honey.

Thanks.

'Sup, Katelyn?

Hi, Cory.

Looking good.

You working at the Tap tonight?

No sh*t, Sherlock.

You know, I was thinking

about swinging by there later.

- Oh, my god, yeah?

- Yeah.

I'll tell Julie;

We'd love to have you.

We'll give you a vodka-soda...

not!

Motherf***er!

Shut up.

Are you for reals?

Julie, look, look!

That's so cool.

Who's on the cover?

Oh, god, I hate that b*tch.

She's so nothing.

I can't.

I told you,

I'm at the Tap tonight.

I know, you're, like,

officially famous now.

Yeah.

Oh, my god, your iPhone case

is so cool.

It's a tree stump.

No, it's a turtle.

- It's a tree stump.

- It's a turtle.

Shut up, bye.

Guess what; You'll never guess.

- What?

- Amber Hartley got published.

What?

Like, where?

In this week's People magazine,

the one with Katy Perry

on the cover.

She got a letter published,

like, congratulating them

on their coverage

of the Bristol Palin story.

It has her name,

the town of Liberty, all that.

People magazine!

Pretty cool.

I mean, I guess that's cool.

Where'd you get that case?

I really want one.

It's so cool.

I got it from Etsy.

Who's that?

Shut up, you mean

you've never heard of Etsy?

Oh, the Jewish girl

from the canoe rental place?

No, it's a website, Etsy.

It's a crafts website.

Oh, my god!

You're gonna freak.

Actually, I was just

about to buy

this super cute hand-knit

baby sweater hoodie thing.

Look.

Another f***ing baby shower.

It's, like,

my fifth this summer.

Oh, my god!

That is so cute.

Right?

It says, "Property of no one.

I am a human being;

I am not property."

Which is perfect, 'cause of

Courtney's trial and all.

Uh-huh.

This lady in Brooklyn

makes them.

How is it vegan?

Oh, hey, just got another order

for the feminist theory onesie.

Oh, cool,

it's shipping to Park Slope?

No, Upstate.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Huh.

Yeah... oh, FYI,

I'm down to the last batch

of boxes, Honey.

Oh, I know, I'm on it.

By the way, Baby,

it won't be long before

I don't need to rely

on the mill anymore at all,

because I'm getting

really super good

at the wood pulp processing part

myself.

That would be so great.

I know, freedom.

Yeah.

I think it's Bennie.

Let me check.

Oh, little Bennie.

Bennie.

Hey, Bennie, come on in.

Hi, Bennie, how's it going?

Did you get here safe?

Yeah, all good, all good.

How's biz?

Oh, you know, it's good.

It's pretty sweet, you know?

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