Holding the Man Page #3

I feel love

I feel love...

TIM:
You don't mind

if I record this?

MAN:
What year were you born?

TIM:
Pardon?

MAN:
Your birth year.

Oh, 1959. October.

MAN:
Ah.

Year ofthe Pig.

Little sandalwood

always helps.

So, it's OK...

I'm taping this?

Sit. You're making me nervous.

(Coughs uncontrollably)

So, we're devising

a theatre piece -

the actors,

and me as the writer.

We've all graduated

drama school. You know NIDA?

I know Narnia.

No, not that.

Erm, we agreed

to interview people

because we felt the issue has

been hijacked by the media -

all this

sex, death, horror sh*t.

How long have

you been positive?

Me? (Laughs) No, I'm not.

And rather not know.

Well, if you haven't been

exposed...

How can you write this play?

You're making assumptions

about your status.

No, I'm in a stable

relationship.

I think he's cheating on you.

(Laughs) You don't know him.

We've been together

since high school.

What - constantly?

(Laughs) That doesn't happen.

Just... going to check...

.. see ifthat's working.

(Tape whirrs)

OK.

So, perhaps just state

your name and age.

Me?

I'm Richard.

I'm 33, and I have decided

I am going to make it to 34.

What do you want to include

in your play?

I've forgotten - were we

talking about a helicopter?

- No.

(Fan whirrs)

I mean, the kind of helicopter

that drops supplies.

No.

I get ticked off

that some people get

this nice little boat ride,

you know?

Instead I'm in the quicksand

with the snakes!

I shouldn't have

to put up with it.

TIM:
OK.

I mean, don't get me wrong,

because most people have only

seen these things in a book

or something like that.

Like a leopard.

The other night on the stairs,

I saw one for real.

Where were you?

In the Congo.

Leopard was gonna have a baby.

You think

I'm not making sense...

.. but I am.

(Telephone rings)

RECEPTIONIST:
Can I help you?

(Negative, thank God.)

You weren't worried, were you?

Nah. Can you imagine

being told you've got it?

Well, we don't.

You want to go grab some lunch

after this?

Some of us have real jobs.

MAN:
Tim, 2117?

Look at us.

We're fast-lane gays.

Tim?

JOHN:
What is it?

Um... he said I'm positive,

John.

But I'm negative.

I should... I'll explain.

The system here is that

if your result is negative,

you see a counsellor,

and if you're positive,

you see a doctor, like me.

John, the clerk put your file

in the wrong pigeonhole,

and the counsellor

gave you the result

without checking the file.

I'm sorry.

You've been given

the wrong result.

You're positive. You both are.

I'd like to take some blood

from you both

to do a cell count.

I'm terribly...

I'm... truly so sorry.

This should not happen. I...

Can you not stretch my

T- shirt?

I'm not!

Do you think I infected you?

You, with your high T8 counts.

You're recently infected,

that's what the doctor

was saying.

We didn't know

this was lurking.

It didn't have a name.

It's not as though...

I mean,

I've hardly been with...

I got something.

(Kisses)

I couldn't decide between

'ribbed for her pleasure'

or...

We're not gonna f***, Tim.

That's how we got into this

mess in the first place.

MAN:
Most people have only

seen these things in a book

or something like that.

The other night on the stairs,

I saw one for real.

In the Congo.

The leopard was going

to have a baby.

WOMAN:
Richard had been

diagnosed with toxoplasmosis,

a disease caused by a parasite

found in cat faeces.

Are you telling me

I ate cat poo?

Probably as a kid

playing in a sandpit.

(Kisses) We all did, darling.

We mistook it for a

consequence-free environment.

We had hoped to interview

Richard again,

but as he prepared

to welcome in 1986,

Richard succumbed to dementia

and a litany ofAIDS-related

illnesses.

Just down the road from here,

at St Vincent's.

TIM:
Ifthere were thousands

of schoolkids dropping dead,

they'd do something about it.

God help you

if you're a poofter,

or a junkie, or a prostitute!

We're not like those people

in the play.

It's not gonna get us.

We're lucky.

We're the second wave.

They're gonna cure it.

JOHN:
Are you ready?

TIM:
Not really.

Let's do it.

Campus Gays.

Our bodies, our rights.

Thank you.

That was great.

Yeah? You think that was good?

Mm-hm.

MAN:
Two, four, six, eight!

PROTESTORS:
Gay love's

just as good as straight!

- Two, four, six, eight!

- Gay love just as good...

Two, four, six, eight!

Gay love's just as good

as straight!

Two, four, six, eight!

Gay love's just as good

as straight!

We are here

and no longer invisible!

Monash University Lesbians.

Tim and John!

JOHN:
No, no, no.

It's not like we're lobbing

petrol bombs

in the street, John.

JOHN:
Do you want

to come inside?

Into your home?

They're all down

at the beach house.

Really? And what if your dad's

installed Tim detectors?

I want you inside me.

You wanna suck me?

I wanna know

what it feels like.

Don't you think

it's a bit... dirty?

Oh, I sound so Catholic!

- You are Catholic.

- You are!

It's not an insult, Tim.

Did this conversation

just stop being sexy?

Please?

(Car horn honks)

LOIS:
Come on, come on.

(Dog barks)

- Get in the closet!

- Are you serious?

In the closet.

Get in the cupboard!

Wha...

Uh...

John? Will you help

your brother get...

Mum, Tim's here.

Please don't tell Dad.

You had jolly well better

get him out quick smart!

Anthony?

- Come on, we've gotta go.

- Eh?

We've gotta go!

Come on! Go!

Not very happy about this.

Do you mind?

It's starting to pong.

- Whose car is that out front?

- Erm... er...

John?

Are you home?

John!

Whose car is that?

Dad, Tim's here.

Tell him to leave.

I invited him.

Now I'm going with him

in his car.

No, you're not.

Tim?

Come in here.

We love each other, Dad.

There's nothing

you can do about it.

LOIS:
Don't you speak

to your father like that!

Go. Drive.

That was fan-f***ing-tastic.

(Engine starts)

TIM:
Arggh! I'm too cramped!

Maybe ifwe...

JOHN:
Ow, ow, my balls!

(Tim laughs) Sorry, sorry!

(Grunting)

TIM:
I'll just...

Ah, this is... There!

JOHN:
Oh, gentle!

TIM:
Can I go further in?

JOHN:
Slowly.

- Pardon?

- Slowly.

Arggh! I said slowly!

TIM:
Oh. Well, it's gonna

snap off in a minute!

JOHN:
Oh! Oh!

(Tim laughs)

- It's in.

- It's in?

JOHN:
Yep!

TIM:
Oooh. It is in.

Now, do I... like this?

If I do this...

JOHN:
Ah, ah,

I think you better stop!

TIM:
Pull out?

JOHN:
Pull out.

Slowly! Arggh, God!

(Laughs) Are you OK?

Yeah! That was great.

BLONDIE:
Dreaming

I'm glad to see the back

ofthat old toaster...

No!

I don't wantto

live on charity

Pleasure's real

oris itfantasy?

Reel to reel

is living verite...

Oh! Stunner!

(All exclaim)

His name is Ian.

He's new.

TIM:
I've been trying

not to stare.

Tuesday night at my place

was interesting.

God! What does Peter think?

Well, those two in the shower

together is a sight to behold.

You and John are so sweet,

though.

Like an old married couple.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes