Holidays

Holidays

coach

all right, up you go, Max!

Yah! Up you go, maxi-pad!

Knock it off, Heidi.

Oh, my god.

Whoo! Here we go, Max!

Bring me that brick!

C'mon now!

Maxi-pad! Maxi-pad!

Maxi-pad!

Maxi-pad! Maxi-pad!

Maxi-pad! Maxi-pad!

Maxi-pad! Maxi-pad!

Maxi-pad! Maxi-pad!

Maxi-pad! Maxi-pad!

Maxi-pad!

You know what

you have to do, maxi.

Looks like someone wants a kiss!

Ooh!

Well?

Well, what? He loves me.

He didn't give you detention?

Detention? Please, girl.

How he gon' give me detention when he

knows we gon' set this up on Friday!

Huh?

Well, no, Valentine's is, uh,

Valentine's is tonight...

Why... why would we go Friday?

Well, I can't do Friday.

Well, no, you know,

the, the talent show.

Talent show fund raiser

no, no, the talent show that the

kids organized for my operation.

Aw.

Did you really think

Mr. Rockwell was trying

to kiss your little rat lips?

Hmm?

Hmm?

Hey! I'm talking to you,

maxi-pad.

No, no, I know, but, you

know, it's a nice gesture,

you know how much

these kids love me.

Not like that.

No, they look up

to me, Kim, all right.

And I'd be a real jerk to ditch out on

my own fundraiser, don't you think?

You really think

he'd go for you?

Over me?

Just wait until he sees the twerking routine

we came up with for the talent show.

Real Nicki Minaj sh*t.

That's fine. No, no, no,

you know what, that's great.

Ya, I love you too.

Heart and lung foundation

Mr, Rockwell,

we regret to inform

what are you doing

to get him a new heart?

Did you organize a talent show?

Are you gonna perform

something? Hmm?

Ooh, I know. How about a

little game of show and tell?

First you show everybody your

little friend, Mr. box cutter.

And then just watch

as those donations pour in

when you tell them it's the

same toy your dear dead daddy

killed himself with.

I gotta meet Rick.

Uh, you're not going

to go take a shower?

No, I'll take one at home.

I heard this one has rats in it.

To Maxine coach Rockwell

maxi pad

to Maxine coach Rockwell

to Maxine love coach Rockwell

stop following me, maxi-pad.

You're acting really weird

today, even for you.

Well, go ahead.

Well, I'm gonna cut through the woods.

See you tomorrow.

Happy Valentine's day.

What are you doing?

You don't even live this way.

Stop following me.

Now look what you did!

I... I... I was just kidding.

We're going to be late.

Well, I thought

I had until Friday.

Why would you think that?

Valentine's day is tonight!

Give me your heart

happy Valentine's day

written and directed by

Kevin Kolsch

and Dennis Widmyer

shamrocks. Irish dancing.

Parades of green.

These are some of the images

that come to mind when we think

of St. Patrick's day.

On weekends I play with my

magical whores

but who exactly

was St. Patrick?

And how did he deliver

the word of god to Ireland?

Horse

a land once in the grip of druids,

pagans, and devil Worshippers?

According to legend,

Patrick banished all of the snakes from

Ireland by tossing them into the sea.

Although evidence suggests there

were no snakes in Ireland

during the 5th century.

Most scholars believe this

to be a metaphor.

St. Patrick's expulsion

of the pagans and mystics.

Long may Ireland let slip from

memory its paganistic days of old.

Hiya, Grainne.

That's very pretty.

Who is it for?

Okay.

Look. I know

how hard change is,

coming to a new school,

not having any friends.

But I bet if you were to show us

that smile just for a second,

it would make all the

difference in the world.

Do you know what?

I have an idea.

Would you like to ring

the lunch bell?

Only your deepest wish

can make me smile

hiya, it's me.

I can't chat for long.

I'm here waiting for Sam.

He's insisted I park away from

the school because apparently

I'm not cool.

He's like, "mum, it's not

authentic if I smile."

Yeah, it's your holy communion

photo, not the dogme 95 movement.

My doctor actually recommended

I get new contact lenses with

"hope" printed on the insides.

Apparently clinical trials

suggest it may help

the cynical wheel of

self-loathing from turning.

I hate myself.

Anyway, I can't wait to see you

this weekend for paddy's day.

We'll get f***ed up, yeah?

Find you a man?

Day 1

Liz, where are ya?

I went back to the bar but there

was no sign of you and that

Danny Zuko wannabe

you were talking to.

Would you call me, you think?

I'd like you to pick

your favorite book,

write a page about

why you like it,

and score the book out of ten.

Hand in date is

two weeks from today.

Okay, everybody,

page 38, circles.

Day 13

f***! Hiya, Grainne.

What?

Now, hang on.

That's not very

appropriate, Grainne.

Mrs. Cullen?

You are pregnant.

I f***ing knew it!

I just can't believe it!

Oh! I've waited

so long for this.

However,

we're not certain with what.

Well, if it's a boy or a girl,

that doesn't matter to me.

We'd like to run

some further tests.

Although, if the results

indicate a false positive,

we'd need to operate

immediately and remove it.

I'm pregnant.

Ooh.

Did... did you understand

what I said?

Mmm-hmm, it's totally

grand, boy or girl,

whatever I get, I'm happy.

I am so happy.

Were you with somebody recently,

or some animal of some kind?

No.

Okay, have you ever seen the

Hollywood movie Rosemary's baby?

Yeah.

If you replace '"baby"

with "reptile",

that's what you have.

It's like Rosemary's reptile.

Huh?

The story of prince Lindworm

brother, prince, snake

book report

love this tale of terror

ten out of ten

Grainne, what is this?

Grainne, what is this?

Grainne, what is this?

Stop smiling!

Day 366

nan just called.

She says you look like a 25-year-old

woman from the middle ages,

spliced with

a mentally ill circle.

I'm booking an appointment

with Dublin zoo.

There's no excuses

this time, Liz.

Hi, can I help you

with anything?

I'm, I'm really sorry. That's

not really, that's not...

That's not really okay.

I'm sorry. I'm just going

to have to take that.

I'm sorry. You're going

to have to leave.

What the f***

are you thinking, Liz?

The zoo just called, they said you

never turned up for your appointment.

I know you're probably saying to yourself,

"what if the vet's got it wrong?"

Let me impart some important advice I

learned a long time ago, the hard way.

Vets don't get things wrong.

Giving birth to a snake

is not only suicide,

it's probably the most

wrong-headed thing ever attempted

in the field of human endeavor.

The only thing you have to do to make

our family happy is just come home.

Alone.

Shh.

Shh.

It'll all be over soon,

I promise.

Shh. Shh.

I need you to help me

get clean of this, okay?

Horrible, isn't it?

You cannot remember.

But you can't forget.

Grainne, this is your father?

Danny f***ing Zucko?

Our little boy is waiting.

Look, I know you think she's

different, but she's not.

She'll run a mile when

she claps eyes on him.

Just wanted a normal baby.

It's not fair.

Blah blah blah.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes