Holy Rollers

---

[ siren wails in distance ]

[ indistinct shouting

in distance ]

Excuse me.

Are you jewish?

Maybe you want to come inside

and pray, do a mitzvah?

Huh? Sammy. Sammy,

come help the man. Sam.

Happy hanukkah.

You're always welcome.

[ sam speaking hebrew ]

[ mid-tempo music plays ]

[ indistinct conversations ]

[ siren wailing in distance ]

[ indistinct conversations ]

You're late!

Mendel:
I know. I know.

Happy hanukkah to you.

Hmm.

Oh, it's the goylem.

Why didn't you tell me

the horrible goylem was going?

Don't scare me, goylem.

Nothing works

in this house.

I know.

I heard you.

Here you go, kvetcher.

Stop kvetching.

Stop kvetching.

[ yankel laughs ]

Oy!

Move up.

You're one heavy monster,

you goylem.

How's my latkes?

Oh, not so good, unless

you like your food cold.

I need you in the den.

Sure, sure.

Hold on. Hold on.

Mendeleh,

it's important.

More important

than hanukkah?

All right, all right.

Look what your mameleh

is doing to me.

Tateh, I'll tell you when

the first latke is ready.

Ahh.

[ chuckles ]

That's my bubeleh.

Don't forget, you've got a

lesson with the rebbe tomorrow.

Don't be strict with that.

Two more pages!

Tateh, I know.

Do you want a taste?

I want to meet her.

Please? Just an introduction.

You know you're not allowed

to talk to her yet.

I want to know

what she's like.

I have to turn on the lights.

Do your chores.

[ rebbe singing in hebrew ]

Amen. Amen.

Amen. Amen.

Ruth, watch your brother.

I will, mama.

Thank you.

Yes. Shmuel.

Don't be intimidated

by her.

The lazars are a family.

Maybe they have a few more

dollars than we have.

Maybe they have

a stove that actually works.

They're just a family,

like us, all right?

[ indistinct conversations ]

I see the two children

were playing?

Maybe too much sugar?

Take yankel.

He has to wash his hands.

Zei gezunt.

Go take a walk.

Hi. Happy hanukkah.

I got you a present.

Elka:
Oh, I'm not so sure!

[ laughs ]

Lehayim.

Lehayim.

You're gonna be

a good rabbi, shmuel.

Elka:
One more time.

Let's try it. Let's see.

Maybe I should continue

to work with you.

Nah.

We talked about it.

I could make more gelt

with you.

That's a good idea.

Why? Why is it

such a good idea?

Why? What have I taught you,

shmuel?

He -- the man

who immerses himself

In a desire

for money is always --

Remember that, always --

in debt.

I don't understand

why it's such a bad thing

To make a little gelt.

Yeah, I don't want to

marry a poor man.

Ah, bubeleh,

you'll be lucky

If any man marries you

with that pisk.

Mendel!

Well, she -- she --

She has a lot of chutzpah

to talk -- okay.

Pass the latkes.

Okay.

Woman:
Every single piece

of fabric that I own

Comes from this store.

I know that. That's why I'm not

profiting on this deal.

Look, ma'am, your daughter

will have a beautiful dress

Made from the finest silk

in thailand, all right?

You know, I don't even

want to deal with you.

Where's mendel?

Mendel -- mendel's not here

right now. I'm sorry.

He's not here? Mendel!

Go to another store

on this block.

They deal in cheap,

shoddy material.

Mendel!

Look who's here!

Okay, thank you.

Mazel tov.

Mazel tov, mendel.

The big girl is turning -- what?

Seorita's 15, 16?

Thank you

for remembering.

Now, can you

help me out here?

qu pas? qu pas?

Nothing pas.

Look, ma'am, all right,

I'll do 75% silk,

I'm sorry. That's it.

Just --

just go get it.

Go get it.

Yeah. Go get it.

I hope you'll treat your wife

better than this box.

You let her off too easy,

tateh.

She has money.

She's loyal.

Eh, it's -- it's worth

a couple of nickels.

What have I taught you?

Be nice, charge little --

you'll get a lot of customers.

You think gloria's at home

singing about how great you are?

You need to draw a line

somewhere.

Your customers are gonna

walk all over you.

Shmuel gold.

What?

This is my store,

and I run it my way.

When you become a rabbi,

I'm not gonna shove my nose

in your business, all right?

Did you get

your allowance?

Yeah,

mama gave it to me.

Here.

Take it, take it,

take it, take it.

It's a little something extra

between me and you.

Shaynem dank, tateh.

[ both speaking hebrew ]

Woman:
That means you can go

and get your lovers.

Go ahead. Get your lovers.

I'll wait.

If you all

are just tuning in...

Get out of here. Hey.

Get out of here!

Mama, ruth left the bathroom

window open again.

It's freezing.

Stop utzing me.

You were supposed to

take the garbage out.

It's shabbos.

And it smells!

Don't let anyone see you,

especially your father!

[ toy squeaks ]

Huh? Where you going?

Thank god your father's

not here to see this.

[ indistinct shouting ]

Don't worry so much, ma!

Wait.

Gut shabbos.

And merry hanukkah

to you, too!

There's my samelah.

Did you see the tits

on that girl on tv?

Maybe.

Maybe?

You know they're fake,

right?

What do you mean?

Well, sometimes --

What are you doing?

You're smoking on shabbos now?

Yeah, put that out.

It's shabbos.

Dank. You think

he listens to me? Please.

Get it from both sides.

"you think he listens to me?

You think he listens to me?"

No doubt I listen

to my man sammy.

The soon-to-be-married

sammy gold.

Mazel tov. We're gonna be late

for shul. Let's go.

Mazel. Mazel, sammy.

What's her name,

huh, sammy?

Vanna?

Huh? Vanna white?

No.

You ever see that show?

I made sure he didn't,

thank you very much.

The best show ever!

You got to watch it!

It's the greatest!

Ay, shaineh maidel.

Don't stare. Don't stare.

You're the one staring.

I'm not staring.

Hey, sammy,

let me ask you --

Do you even know what to do

with a beautiful girl?

The rebbe will tell me.

Gut shabbos. Goodbye.

The rebbe will tell you?

Yes.

What's the rebbe

gonna tell you?

The rebbe's not gonna tell you

how to please your wife.

Would you stop it?

Don't listen to him.

He's fine.

He's jealous.

What am I jealous of,

leon, huh?

Jealous of marrying a girl

I don't even know?

My tateh says it's time

for us to get married.

We will be happy.

Baruch hashem.

Goodbye. Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

baruch hashem. Very confident.

Mr. Lazar!

Hey, mr. Lazar!

[ indistinct shouting ]

Get off of me!

Get off of me!

Come on, get off of me,

you f***ing fag.

Get off. Get out of here.

Run to shul, little girls.

Go home!

They heard hashem's voice

moving in the garden

With the wind of day.

The man and his wife

hid themselves from hashem

Among the trees

of the garden.

Hashem called to the man,

And he said,

"where are you?"

Did hashem know

where adam was hiding?

Shmuel?

Shmuel?

God being god

knew where adam was hiding,

But the question

is for adam to answer.

All men must answer this.

They must know

where they stand

In relation

to hashem's presence.

Either you move closer...

Or further away.

Your friend is very wise

with the talmud.

He could be

a good rabbi.

But we're not here

to talk about leon.

We're here to talk

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