Home Again Page #8

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I'm on a date.

With a man.

Great.

Um, I don't think

you've met my husband, Rob.

This is Alice.

Okay.

She's been sort of helping

out around the house.

Nice to meet you, Rob.

I'm your wife's b*tch.

I don't know if

I would call it that.

Really?

Would you say you're

a nice person to me

or would you say you're nicer

to maybe the labra-poodle?

It's a labradoodle.

Whatever.

Okay.

(GRUMBLES)

What are you doing with

your face? Are you unwell?

I think it's Dexter.

Okay, that

is not nice, Alice.

He's a rescue, and I find

that really offensive.

I think that you've had a

little bit too much to drink

and that you're sort of

embarrassing yourself.

I'm embarrassing myself?

Yes.

Well, that's refreshing.

Because normally

that's your department.

Okay.

Am I right, Bob?

Alice, let's just

call this quits.

And I will call you

in the morning.

Hey, babe,

I quits, okay?

Because you cheated on me

with the fancy stylish woman.

And on top of that, you're

a deeply dark individual.

So, we done.

Great. We done.

(ALICE GROANING)

Thank you, appreciate it.

Brutal.

Ah, boy.

So, wanna tell me

what happened?

Well, I drank my date

under the table.

And I was so rude.

And then I saw Zoey

Bell in her kimono

and her cute husband, and

I went temporarily insane.

Jesus, I hope you

quit at least?

Oh, yes. That

I made very clear.

Well, dare I ask

why you're feeling

so pugnacious this evening?

All signs point to the

lead singer of your band.

I was afraid of that.

You know, he tends to have

this effect on people.

Thing you gotta

realize about Harry,

and I say this

out of love,

is he doesn't do

the right thing enough.

Doesn't know how,

trust me.

Do you know what the difference

is between men and women?

Men just... They can

just do things.

And women have to think

about the consequences

and the feelings and

the pros and cons.

And we make lists.

And men just act.

They just do.

(CHUCKLES)

Not you though, George.

You're one of the good ones.

Thank you, Alice.

You're like a woman.

(SIGHS)

Oh, my God. Tell me

you see him, too.

Austen, what

are you doing here?

Well, I've been

calling you for hours.

Where have you been?

Where are the kids?

They're at my mom's.

But wait.

I was just... I know

I just asked you this.

But what are you

doing here?

Oh, God, Alice.

Oh, I don't know.

I don't know.

I've been going

out of my head.

I just can't think straight.

Is that one of them?

Hello?

Hi.

Okay.

Hey, there.

George Appleton.

Hi.

Big fan of your

family, yeah.

ALICE:
Mmm-hmm.

Okay, I'm gonna let

you two, 'cause I gotta...

I'm just gonna...

Yeah, okay.

It feels so good

to be here.

Oh, God.

You did such an incredible

job with the house.

It totally feels

like you now.

Thanks.

I'm really impressed.

God, do you remember

us sittin' in here when you

brought me to meet your dad?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah,

a million years ago.

And you look different, too. I do?

Yeah, relaxed or something.

You look fantastic, Al.

Well, you're catching me on

a really stellar roll tonight.

I've had quite a...

You know I had

to come here, right?

You get that.

I mean, there are

three strange guys

living with my family.

And you stopped calling

me back all of a sudden,

you know?

Girls are not

FaceTiming me anymore.

Where do you keep your

forks? In the drawer.

So you just showed

up unannounced?

Don't you think you

should have called first

and then told me

that you were coming

so I could have

at least prepared,

told the girls?

Well, I would have called.

Or is this just what

worked for you, Austen?

I would have called, but

I was afraid you were gonna

tell me that

I couldn't come.

I always tell you

to come.

You know,

when you left...

I finally felt like I wasn't

lettin' anyone down anymore.

And that was good,

for a minute.

But then I realized

that the best part of my life

had just moved away

across the country.

And there I was,

alone in our old place.

There was no more laughter.

No meals together.

No more monkeys

jumping on the bed.

And I miss our family.

So I bought a ticket to LA

and I left within the hour

because I wanted to say

this to your face.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

To your beautiful face.

Let's fix this.

Let's not give up.

What's he doing just showing

up here out of nowhere?

I think we should go in

there. I think she needs us.

Really?

What are you gonna do?

You're gonna go in there,

you gonna say,

"I'm the captain now,"

huh?

Look, they're sitting

so close together!

Guys, enough, okay? He's

the father of her children.

Yeah, but she's moved on.

She doesn't need him anymore.

George, is he good-looking?

I can't tell from here.

Yeah, what's his vibe?

Is it loser-y?

I don't know.

He's got like a classic

Clark Gable thing.

There's like a little bit

of Sean Penn in there

like he could jump ya at any

moment, you know what I mean?

Clark Gable meets Sean

Penn? I'm goin' inside.

Harry, come on, man.

The last thing she needs.

How do you know

what she needs?

Oh, my God, she's taking

him to the guest room.

He's staying.

Well, thank you

for putting me up.

I'm a little bit drunk,

I'll probably regret

it in the morning.

Not that drunk.

Good night, Austen.

Well, I meant what I said, Al.

Will you just think about it?

(SIGHS)

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

(DOOR OPENS)

Good morning.

Oh, hey.

Please, take a seat.

Harry.

Austen.

Why is he staying with

us? Teddy, I can't...

What am I supposed to do,

ask him to stay in a hotel?

Okay, why is this

guy in LA?

I can think of three

really good reasons.

Seems pretty selfish

to just show up like this.

Well, meet Austen.

Alice, please

stop avoiding me.

Can we just,

I don't know, talk?

What?

So, girls, girls!

Guess what?

What?

ROSIE:
Dad! Daddy,

oh, my God, no way!

Good morning.

I'm so happy

to see you guys.

ISABEL:
I can't

believe you're here!

Oh, Rosie,

you're so tall!

Look at you, you're

like a supermodel.

Iz, look at...

Oh, my goodness,

loving those sneakers.

When did you get here?

He came in late last night.

We thought we'd surprise

you this morning.

ISABEL:
Come on.

Good to see you, Lil.

Yeah, hi.

Looking fetching as usual.

Me? You are nuts.

Look, I have to change

for my spinning class.

So, I'm going

to get going. Um...

Ally, I'll talk

to you later, okay?

Yep.

Still cute.

(LAUGHS)

Okay, let's eat.

Okay, okay, but then we were

walking back from dinner

on this beautiful

moonlit night

through this tiny

little village,

just outside

Saint-Rmy de Provence.

And we took one wrong turn.

And suddenly out of nowhere...

Oh, my God,

I forgot about this.

This strange

little woman appeared.

Yes.

She pushes me in the chest,

she grabbed your mother's bag.

And your mother

just immediately,

without a second thought

sprints after her.

Leaps into the air, and

tackles her to the ground.

Oh, my God.

That's funny, Mommy.

I'm pretty sure

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