Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

---

Good morning, Quark.

I couldn't believe it. Lisa told

Janet that Paul asked Barbara...

to ask me if I had

a date to the dance.

No, they broke up for

religious differences.

She thought she was God

and he disagreed.

Yeah, this afternoon around 5:00.

I'm meeting him at the mall.

I don't know.

Maybe. Yeah.

Oh, I can't. I've got to hang around

a while and keep an eye on Nick.

He likes to take things apart.

Well, that's why I watch it at your

house. Things'll cool off after today.

Dad has his big

show-and-tell at the lab.

Zap!

- It works! L-It really works!

- Nick, get real.

The subject has disappeared.

No, no, it's not that.

No. Mom and Dad had

an argument last night...

and Mom spent the night

at Grandma's.

I think she just needed a rest.

Right, her and me both.

Yeah, okay. Okay. Bye.

Amy, when's Mom coming home?

She's working, Nick.

She'll be home this afternoon.

If only Dad could get

that machine to work.

Breakfast.

I need a couple minutes here.

"I'll be down in five minutes."

Typing with his gloves on again.

Oh, no, not again!

Who does he think he is,

Mister Wizard?

Szalinski, give it a rest!

It's Saturday!

It's construction, honey. You of

all people should understand that.

Yeah, but I want some sleep.

We've got a four-hour drive ahead of us.

And I think he should have

consideration for other people.

Mm, give the guy a break.

I'll give him a break.

I'll break his arm!

Honey!

Szalinski!

But, honey, you are

much bigger than he is.

Szalinski!

- Honey, can't...

- Hold it, Dad.

- Don't move.

- Ron, what are you doing?

- Defending the backyard, Dad.

- That's my fishing rod!

Stop! Dad!

- Am I bleeding?

- Honey, it's rubber.

- Dad, I told you not to move.

- What's on this thing?

- Super Glue.

- Super Glue?

- Gotta mark those trespassers, Dad.

- I'm not a trespasser. I'm your father!

- Let me wash it off quick, hon.

- Ah, it's taking the skin off.

- I'll talk to you later.

- What's with this kid?

- He's 12.

- Attila the Hun was

12 once, too, you know.

- Oh, come on.

He's sounding.

Weird family.

Dad?

Look, I finished mine.

Looks just like yours, huh?

- That's great, Nick.

- You know, Dad, I was calculating.

- If you took all the

molecules in this house...

- Listen, Nick, I gotta get

this working before I leave.

Why don't you go help your sister?

Stay back, boy.

This thing works...

this'll put us up there with

the invention of electricity...

first man in space.

First dog in space.

Come on! Shrink!

Shrink!

Please, please, shrink.

Please, shrink.

On the other hand, we've come up with an

interesting way of making applesauce.

- You got it, honey.

- Sure?

- Positive.

You're wiping away brain cells,

and there aren't many to spare.

- Everybody in my family's a comedian.

- Everybody except you.

Darn right.

Well, look who's decided to

join the land of the living.

And is Russell ready

for his big fishing trip?

- Not really, Dad.

- Not really?

There's a big fish out there

with your name on it.

Fishing's your thing,

Dad, not mine.

What's the matter with him?

What do you mean, shush?

There... I see nothing wrong

with wanting to take my son fishing.

Russell, I shouldn't be telling

you this, but he was cut from

the football team yesterday.

- What?

- Honey, please. What he doesn't

need right now is to hear from you.

- He needs something.

When I was his age, I was capt...

- Captain of the team.

And if my father'd wanted me to go on

a fishing trip, I would've been gra...

You'd been grateful.

Russ, he is too small for football.

He is not too small for football!

Honey, when you say things like that,

you make him feel about this big.

If he wants to feel big,

he should act big.

Elbows up.

- What's the matter with you?

- I'm on a special diet.

- No toxic waste.

- Fine.

Here, Quark.

Eat it, Dad,

before it gets cold.

Mm, did you get

the machine to work?

Yeah. A few more bugs

to get out, but...

- What about the conference?

- Meow.

Jeez, the conference.

I gotta get going.

Dad! Dad, wait. Dad!

If Mom calls, tell her

I'll be home by lunchtime.

Dad, don't forget my dress from

the cleaners, Nick's allergy pills...

It's all in my head.

Don't worry.

Wish me luck. I need luck

getting out of this door.

- House of insanity.

- Hi, honey.

Hi, Mom. Nick, go get Dad.

He's just leaving

for the conference.

Dad, it's Mom.

- Where?

- On the phone.

- Oh.

- How did everything go this morning?

- Boy, did we miss you.

- I missed you, too, honey.

- Did Paul Tate ask you to the dance?

- I think he's going to.

I'm gonna meet him at

the mall later today.

- Here's Dad.

- Thanks.

- Hiya.

- Hi.

- Nick!

- I called to wish you luck

at the conference.

- Look, Diane, if things go well...

this morning, everything'll change

around here, I promise you.

Okay. I have

a house to show...

and then I'll be home this

afternoon and we'll talk.

- Good luck today.

- Thanks. Bye, honey.

- What time is Mom coming home?

- Later. Listen, we gotta make

this place spick-and-span, okay?

Nick, I want you to

mow the lawn. Amy...

good luck.

I'm helping my Dad with this

real important new invention.

So, mm...

I'll... I'll let you

mow half my yard.

No, thanks.

Wow! With that?

Yeah...

and...

this.

Oh, it's a remote control!

Tell you what. You thrown in

a box of cookies...

I'll let you cut the whole thing.

Uh, but I have to go

and meet Newt right now.

Uh, could I do it later?

- I don't think so, because, you know,

my Dad's gonna come home and...

- Aw, come on.

- Okay. But don't be too late.

- Okay, thanks.

- No problem.

- See you later!

Nothin' like a hard day's work.

French fries.

Tater Sticks.

Meat loaf.

Veal "parmedjian."

Hey, Dad, wanna go

play some baseball?

Hmm, baseball.

No. I gotta load the camper, Ron.

I'm busy.

Hey, Russ, pitch for me.

Hey, Szalinski, ever do anything normal,

like play baseball?

Nope.

- Baseball's for mortals.

- Maybe you could be the base.

- Maybe you could be the mound.

- Ronald!

Lug your stuff.

Later, worm.

Russell, gimme a hand here.

Russell! Gimme a hand here.

Dad, it's early.

The early worm catches

the fish, Russell.

Remember that.

The Forresters are coming by after

lunch, so come on! Quick march!

Something here between us

is something that I can't resist

Aphysical attraction

Feel it every time we kiss

Weird family.

Oh, you got me so excited

Still it's not enough

I'm gonna try to fight it

till I know if this is love

Turn it up

- Yeah!

- Turn it up, ooh hoo

I love to hear

Russell...

I know it seems strange

when you look at me today...

but when I was your age,

I was not much bigger than you.

- I know, Dad. You've told me

about a million times.

- All right. Just hear me out.

The point is,

Coach put me on these babies.

Know what happened? I put on 20 pounds

of pure, unadulterated...

blitz-the-quarterback

and rip-his-head-off muscle, Russell.

Now, I'll make you a little bet.

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