Horrible Bosses Page #10

could go back to school, change

fields.

In the b.g., a GUY has noticed them. He heads over.

KURT:

Yeah. Why should I care about

protecting Pellit's name when his

own son doesn't? There's a

million jobs out there.

DALE:

The world is your oyster.

GUY:

Well, well, if it isn't the Three

Musketeers, Nick, Kurt and Dale.

Still hanging out like high

school, huh?

NICK:

I don't believe it. Kenny Orkin!

DALE:

I heard you moved to New York to

work at Lehman Brothers or

something.

KENNY (GUY)

I did. Hired me right out of

Yale.

KURT:

So what are you doing back here?

KENNY:

Don't you read the papers? They

shut us down. I've been looking

for work for the last two years.

It's crazy out here. I can't even

get a job waiting tables.

NICK:

You? Waiting tables? You were

voted Most Likely to Succeed.

Everyone thought you were set.

KENNY:

Everyone including me.

(INTENSE)

I'd murder those Lehman Brothers

if I could. Line them up, put one

bullet through their three heads.

(CONTINUED)

32.

36 CONTINUED:
(2) 36

DALE:

Easy, Kenny.

KENNY:

It's just not fair. I was making

high six-figures. Now I can't

even afford this drink.

(holds up glass)

Seriously, you think you guys can

help me out at all?

The three guys exchange uncomfortable looks as they reach

for their wallets.

DALE:

Uh, sure. Here's a few bucks,

Kenny.

KENNY:

Okay, y'know that's not really

gonna do it for me.

(looking around,

LEANING IN)

I'll tell you what? What if I

give you guys handjobs? Forty

bucks. We can do it in the

bathroom right here. I'll do the

three of you for a hundred.

KURT:

You're gay now?

KENNY:

No, I'm not gay.

They look skeptical.

KENNY:

I'm the opposite of gay!

They guys look at each other with eyebrows raised. Nick

mouths "opposite."

KENNY:

Come on. Handjobs for the Three

Musketeers. Let's do this!

The BARTENDER spots Kenny and points at him.

BARTENDER:

(YELLING)

I thought I told you to stay out

of here!

(CONTINUED)

33.

36 CONTINUED:
(3) 36

KENNY:

Whoops. Gotta go, guys. Call me

if you change your minds. I'm at

my mom's.

He hurries out. There's a silent beat as the guys

process what they've just witnessed.

CUT TO:

37 EXT. STREET - LATER 37

The three guys are walking home, all mildly buzzed.

KURT:

So I guess we're just gonna be

miserable for the rest of our

lives.

DALE:

What do you mean?

KURT:

What options do we have? We can

quit our jobs and turn into Kenny.

Or keep our jobs and turn into

sad, ball-less losers who spend

their days dreaming of ways to

kill their bosses.

There's a beat as Nick regards Kurt.

NICK:

You do that too?

KURT:

Of course. Everyone does. It's

the only thing that keeps us from

going totally bat-sh*t.

NICK:

The other day I imagined shoving

one of those jugs from the water

cooler in Harken's mouth and

making him drink until his bladder

explodes.

DALE:

Jeez.

KURT:

That's so funny. I had the same

idea for Pellit.

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

34.

37 CONTINUED:
37

KURT (CONT'D)

Only using gasoline instead of

water. And his ass instead of his

mouth.

DALE:

You guys are sick.

KURT:

What's sick about it? It's just a

way to let off steam.

NICK:

Yeah, Dale. It's not like we're

actually going to kill our bosses.

They continue walking. After a beat.

KURT:

You have to admit though, our

lives would be a lot better if our

bosses were dead.

NICK:

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