Hot Shots! Page #5

---

eat apple sauce through a straw,

pork farm animals.

Topper, that's enough.

I think you get my point, sir.

I just hope you're playin' straight with us.

Alpha Velveeta Knuckle Underwear,

you are cleared for takeoff.

When you hit that nuclear-weapons plant,

drop a bomb for me.

Sphincter Mucous Niner Ringworm, roger.

Holy cow! My cap blew off.

Swing her round. We'll pick it up.

But, sir, we're on the mission.

Good thinking.

We'll pick it up on the way back.

We gotta mark the spot, though.

Put Rabinowitz in a life raft.

- Have him row in circles until we return.

- It could be days.

Then put some food in the life raft, man.

Do I have to think of everything?

We'll tape his favourite shows.

- Sir, there's no time.

- OK, OK!

How can I be an admiral without my cap?

It's out there all alone

and I'm powerless to do anything about it.

We're entering enemy airspace.

Sir, it appears we have

unidentified radar contacts.

- Looks like enemy aircraft at 12 o'clock.

- Really? That gives us about... 25 minutes.

Think I'll step out for a burger.

Sir, there are six of them!

Bearing 2-1-5, range 150 mi...

Oh my God-a dozen more of them.

And a blimp! A big, shiny blimp,

and it's slowly moving south!

- Block, have you got a tally on the bandits?

- Roger that. I got 'em.

All right. Resume combat spread.

Attack formation Delta-niner.

Topper in the lead.

Just like your old man, son.

Old Buzz Harley'd be proud of you, Topper.

He's the type that could end up

killing everyman in this outfit.

Read... my... lips.

No... new... taxes.

- Topper, what are you doing?

- He's frozen! Topper's no good to us!

Abort the mission! Abort the mission!

Return to mother!

We can't! They're all over us!

- Damn it! All right, engage!

- I've got a bogie at 12 o'clock!

I got two on my tail! Kowalski, get 'em off me!

Locked up! Fox two!

- My missile didn't track!

- My engine's cut out. I'm losing power!

My cannons won't fire! What's going on?

I've got two bandits on my six!

This is insane. Wilson and Rosener.

It was them, wasn't it?

They said nobody was gonna get hurt.

Block, call your men back.

Like hell I will! I got

the best pilot in the world up here.

Topper! Topper, do you read me?

I was there 20 years ago. I was there

with your father and Mailman Farnham.

I was an eyewitness.

You gotta listen to me, Topper.

What they said about your dad is wrong.

Eject, Mailman. Eject!

I can't! My seat's jammed!

- Nothing works!

- Stay calm!

- My harness is malfunctioning!

- I'll get it!

Buzz! The nose! The nose!

Whoa! Sit tight!

Come on! Hurry!

Get the lead out!

It's gonna be OK!

Wow! That was sure close!

Buzz! Get back here!

I'm OK!

Buzz! The wing! The wing!

Hurry!

What, are you on a break?

- Hurry!

- I'm here!

Hey, whose gum is this?

Oh, for God's sake! Not now!

Got it! Hold on! We'll bring this baby down!

Stop squirming!

Hang on!

Those are my socks!

Buzz! Get back here!

Your father did everything humanly possible

to save Mailman's life.

You should be proud, son.

Buzz Harley is a true American hero.

- I'm hit! I'm hit!

- Block, are you all right?

Yes! Yes!

Give 'em hell!

Got it! This is for you, Dad.

- They're on my tail.

- I'm with you, buddy.

Hang in there.

My guns are jammed.

They got tone on me!

I'm gonna have to do it the hard way.

Anybody home?

They fell for that one.

- Topper! Three bandits, 12 o'clock!

- I'm on 'em!

Here we go, loop de loop.

Couscous!

Learned this one from Paula Abdul.

Oldest trick in the book.

Catch me if you can, guys.

Here's an old Buzz Harley move.

Oh, boys...

I'm on their tails. I've got 'em now.

Hey, buddy.

It looks like they're buggin' out.

Yikes!

Saved by the clouds. Come on in, boys.

A little hide-and-seek.

See ya later, guys.

This could be the end

of a beautiful friendship.

Topper, look out!

I got two heat-seeking missiles on my tail.

Block, Kent, Kowalski, get the hell outta here!

Get back to the ship!

I got me a nuclear-weapons plant to wax.

- You're committing suicide!

- Do as he says!

We are getting close.

Missiles? Still with me. Come on.

If I can't lose 'em, I'll use 'em.

The mother of all targets.

Sayonara, Saddam.

Come in! Are you all right?

Topper, acknowledge!

- Topper, do you read?

- Topper, are you all right?

There they are!

We're landing. Do you wanna

get out of the way?

Run for your lives!

- Where's Topper?

- Lost contact.

- There he is!

- Pyrex Pickle Blowfish.

Permission to land.

- Youll have to talk me down. I've got damage.

- Hold it, hold it!

OK, Topper. Ease her in.

- Landing gear's frozen.

- Lookin' good.

- Lost my radar.

- A little more power now.

- I'm out of fuel.

- Right for lineup.

- Lost a wing.

- Doin' fine.

- There goes the other one.

- OK, Topper. Call the ball.

Touchin' down.

Well done, Jim!

- You're quite a guy.

- So are you.

Hey! Wash Out!

Oh, Topper.

You.

You.

- I got one question for you.

- Shoot.

What is a chafing dish for?

Why, it's a traditional serving piece

used at brunches to keep food warm.

- I thought that was a Crock-pot.

- No, no, no.

That's for cooking all day. A chafing dish...

Hey, Topper! Now that you've

made the world safe for democracy,

what will you do to cash in

on your new-found fame?

I'm goin' to Disneyland!

You're very fortunate, Commander Block.

This man has your blood type.

Don't worry, sir. After this transfusion,

you're gonna be just fine.

I've only seen heroism like that

one other time.

Maybe you know the pilot:

Leland "Buzz" Harley.

I've been carrying this secret around

for 20 years.

I never spoke up.

I wanted him to fail.

I wanted to be number one.

And I was in love with your mother.

It's not important now, sir. Please,

save your strength for your court martial.

Topper, you had me pegged right.

I was throwin' the big game.

I really thought

we needed that other airplane.

But now I realise that

American planes will always be superior

as long as there are

wonderful men like you in the cockpit

and German parts.

I know you think it was me, but it was

Wilson and Rosener who sabotaged the jets.

They played me like a two-bit piccolo.

I can see my house from here!

Oh no, you don't.

- Admiral!

- You call yourself an American?

That gets my panties in a bunch.

It's scum like you that taint our military.

- You don't know what you're talking about.

- You risked the lives of some fine pilots.

Well, that's my job.

Is it safe?

I think I'm wearing your pants.

- Ramada!

- Kent!

- You're OK.

- Ramada.

You must put me out of your mind.

There's a certain flyboy aboard that ship

that needs you far more than I.

- You must forget me.

- No problem. I will.

Please, not a tear.

Don't look back. That's my brave girl.

Don't worry, little one!

As long as I have me, I'll survive!

Topper!

Go, Bill, go!

Topper!

Wait!

Whoa!

Topper!

Owatonna.

I got your batteries.

It's about f***ing time.

So, who won?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes