How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days Page #2

in the other direction.

Oh, no. No guy would go

running from you, Andie.

You could barf all over him,

and he would say, "Do it again. "

That is both

incredibly disgusting

and categorically untrue.

If I did the things you did,

I'd get dumped, too.

Okay, family,

shoes off.

And breathe.

Out.

Okay, Lori,

let's start with you.

Well, the "Botox for Beginners"

piece is done.

Now, it's a little scary,

but mostly upbeat.

Now I'm on

"What Your Gyno Won't Tell You,"

which is also pretty scary,

but, you know, upbeat.

I finished my research

on deadly pedicures,

about the woman who contracted

that fungus

from the unsterilized tools.

Yeah.

It's a terrible story.

Although, surprisingly...

upbeat!

Marvelous.

What's next for

"'How to' with Andie"?

Well, I've been

working on something

that's kind of different.

It's...

It's a political piece,

and it's...

No.

Andie, you work at

Composure Magazine.

We are fashion,

trends, diets,

cosmetic surgeries,

salacious gossip...

that's Composure.

- Okay, but...

- Look,

Andie, okay...

the column is new for you.

When you turn it

into a must-read,

then you can write

about whatever you want.

Until then, you can write

about whatever I want.

Understood?

Yeah.

Michelle, what have you got?

I'm sorry, Lana,

I wasn't feeling very well...

She got dumped.

Oh, no,

Michelle...

What a hellish ordeal for you.

But I must say,

you are looking fabulous.

Are we loving

the way she looks, all?

- We love the way she looks.

- Oh, you are so right.

She looks great.

Well, I haven't eaten

since the split.

Good for you!

Write about it.

I can't use my personal life

for a story.

I understand completely.

Who will use Michelle's

personal life for a story?

Oh, I will.

- Go.

- No, no, no,

Lana,

with all due respect,

Lori has no business

mucking around

in my personal life,

and I can't...

I can't let her.

- I am...

- I'll do it.

What?

I'll... I will...

I'll sort of do it.

It's... You will be

my inspiration.

For?

Look at Michelle.

- She is a great girl, right?

- Yes.

An amazing woman.

But she has a problem

hanging onto relationships,

and doesn't really know

what she's doing wrong,

which is like a lot

of our readers.

Uh-huh.

So, I was thinking that

I could start by dating a guy,

and then drive him away,

but only using

the classic mistakes

most women, like Michelle,

make...

all the time.

I'll keep a diary of it,

and it will be sort of a...

dating "How to" in reverse.

What not to do.

Yeah.

"How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days. "

Yes. Go.

Bart, what's new

in the shoe world?

Wait, wait, Lana, I'm sorry.

Why ten days?

Five days is too short,

and we go to press in 11. Yes?

Okay, what we found out

is men are attracted

to purple shoes.

Now, I love...

Maybe toss in something

spiritual as well.

Who's that chic Buddhist

Richard Gere cavorts with?

The Dalai Lama.

He's fabulous. Ah!

Here's my 10:
00. Welcome.

Hi.

Ladies, Judy Spears

and Judy Green

from Warren Advertising.

We're going to cook up

some fabulous tie-ins

for the fall.

Jeannie Ashcroft,

Fashion and Trends.

Michelle Rubin,

Fitness and Health.

Excuse me. Hi.

And Andie Anderson,

our resident "How to" girl.

Oh, I've seen

your column, Andie.

What are you working on now?

Oh, actually...

"How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days. "

She's actually going

to start dating a guy,

and then drive him away

in a week and a half.

Sounds needlessly vicious.

It's going to be fabulous.

Now all she has to do

is run along

and find the lucky guy.

Go, go, go.

- Nice to meet you.

- Bye.

Good-bye.

Ladies, come.

Find the guy.

- Okay.

- Find the guy.

Oh, you are never going

to pull this off.

Watch me.

Tonight, I'll hook a guy.

Tomorrow, pull the switch.

Before the ten days are up,

I'm going to have this guy

running for his life.

You're not going to burn

his apartment down

or bite him or anything,

are you?

No! I'm going to limit myself

to doing everything girls

do wrong in relationships.

Basically, everything

we know guys hate.

I'll be clingy, needy...

- Yeah.

- Be touchy-feely.

Ooh, call him in the middle

of the night,

and tell him everything

you had to eat that day.

What's wrong with that?

I'm kidding.

Hello, Ben.

What are you doing here?

Phil, I'm here for

the meeting. Ladies.

But you weren't invited.

Yeah, but I should have been.

I mean, it was my tip

that DeLauer's shopping

for a new firm.

Yes, it was, but I have

to think in terms

of who's best-suited

within the company team.

Yes, sir, and that's me.

I want to handle this pitch.

Ben, you sell Joe Blow better

than anyone else in my shop,

but these girls sell luxury

better than anyone else

in the business.

We have to put our best foot

forward on this pitch.

DeLauer would be

our biggest account.

Yes, sir, they would.

Annual advertising billings

of 50- to $60 million.

And I am the man that's going

to bring this home

for you, Phil.

Why this place?

It's perfect.

Hi, Ingrid.

Hi.

Mullins' is the apres-work

watering hole

for the upwardly mobile.

Now, to date,

the diamond industry

has always targeted men,

sending the message

that the woman needs the man

to buy her the rock.

All right, they say,

"A diamond is forever. "

We say,

"A diamond is for everyone. "

I like that.

Yes.

We don't.

"A diamond is for everyone"

sends the message

that diamonds are everywhere,

which means they're not rare,

and if they're not rare,

they lose their status.

Status is the reason

to buy them in the first place,

which Benjamin would know

if he understood women,

which you don't.

You can't feel bad about that,

Ben. No man does.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Oh! Sorry.

Here. Here.

Thanks.

Dum, dum, dum, dum,

dum, dum, dum...

Hey, don't pressure her.

She's perusing.

Yes, exactly. Hmm.

Hmm.

Selling a diamond to a woman

is like making her fall in love.

She has to feel giddy,

desirous, adventurous,

and desperate.

Take a look around

this room, Phillip.

Most of the women in this bar

are looking for just that.

Exactly. The skills required

to market diamonds

are the same as those needed to

make a woman fall in love, yes.

I'm not talking about lust.

A woman in lust

wants chocolate.

A woman in love...

wants diamonds.

Yeah, I'm not talking

about lust, either, ladies.

I'm talking about deep,

meaningful,

head-over-heels,

his and her towels,

let's grow old together,

L- O-V-E.

Look, I love women. I do.

Whether they're four, 40,

or my 88-year-old grandmother,

I respect women, all right?

And I also listen... to women,

and that's why I can sell myself

to any woman, anywhere, anytime.

Make a woman fall in love

with diamonds, Benjamin...

or with you?

Eh, either one.

Well, that's cocky, Ben.

No, not cocky... confident.

I'd like to see you prove that.

You would?

The agency's cohosting

a party for the DeLauers

at the Astor Museum.

The party's a week from Sunday.

Do you think you could make

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