Howard the Duck

Hi, honey, this is your mother.

Listen, I know you're very busy...

...with the new job

but please try and call us.

Did you get the birthday

sweater we sent?

We'll be home all weekend.

Bye.

Howard, Jim here.

We still set for racquet ball on Saturday?

Give me a shout, buddy.

Bye-bye.

Hi, it's Wendy. I had this really

intense dream last night, Howie.

I was running my fingers through

your feathers, and all of a sudden...

Well, you better

come over tonight...

...and I'll show you

what really happened next.

Ciao for now, Howie.

Hey, Ricky's back with you again

for lots more Dance Frenzy excitement!

Here's couple number three,

our lovely Latin dance team...

...from Wedford Falls.

Charles is a Machinist First Class in the Navy...

...and his darling wife, Madge,

is a blackjack dealer.

Just a super jock dance.

Charles and Madge!

- Come on, let's hear for them, folks.

- What's the matter, George?

Jock itch again?

I've got just the thing.

Here. Why not take a shot

of New Shorts Blaster?

It's guaranteed to wipe out

feather fungus...

...in even the most active crotches.

- Shorts Blaster.

In addition,

you've won a new car!

- But that's not all.

- Nice...

Oh, Fred,

I love you so much.

- It hurts like hell...

- He's dead.

$79.95?

Forget it!

$49.99?

No way!

I'm crazy and

my prices are insane!

Whdid they

interview this mnth?

My little

airbrushed beauty.

What?

Oh no, it's a quake!

I can't get up!

What's ging n here?

Casey,

did yu hear smething?

I'm such a lucky girl.

I'm in live.

he Csms.

Cuntless wrlds upn wrlds.

Worlds withut end.

In these galaxies

every pssible reality exits.

And what is reality n any ne wrld

is mere fantasy n all thers.

Here, all is real

and all is illusin.

What is, what was and

what will be start here with the wrds...

..."in the beginning

there was...

...Howard the Duck!"

Bye...!

I'm a dead duck.

Hey, come on!

No!

Hey Bender, gn in, Frankenweed.

We finally fund yu a date.

What is this?

Hey! That cstume dn't fI me.

Nkids allwed.

- Come n, Kid.

- Wait a minute, that's my date!

I said it f the way!

N, wait!

You little creep! Get away from my cart,

you filthy degenerate!

- Christ, it touched me!

- What the hell is it?

- I wasn't trying anything! Hnest!

- Step n him!

Up and away!

Are yu ready

fr an incredible story?

- Waste it, man, waste it!

- N!

Talk abut a rtten day...

Just saw yur shw!

- Great, thanks.

- Beverly, we lve yur music.

- Bye now.

- Culd I have your autograph n my shirt?

Me to.

On my shirt?

- Real charming. Just gaway, kay?

- We're talking to yu, big rocks star!

- don’t try anything!

- don’t gsnt nse n us.

- We're yur biggest fans.

- Let me go!

Help somebody, help!

Help!

Come here, snt nse!

That's it.

No more Mr. Nice Duck!

Let the female creature g!

Every duck's gt his limit, and you scum

have pushed me ver the line.

Jimmy,

dyu like see what I see?

- A talking duck?

- Yeah. hat's it.

I'e been ding tomuch tot.

Sht! Fly away!

Nne laughs

at a master f Quack-F!

Jimmy, yu kay?

Get ff me!

Yu, creep, get ut f here!

Yu're breaking my fingers!

Nw, yu and baby face

are gnna beat it, right, Mr. Zitz?

Befre I get really mad!

Cme n!

Let's get ut f here!

his is bViusly nplace

fr an intelligent, sensitie duck.

his is unreal.

I mean, it can't be.

- hanks.

- Yu're nt really a...

...a duck?

Yu knw, this is beginning to seriusly

undermine my self-esteem.

I'm srry, I guess I shuld thank yu

fr chasing thse guys ff.

- Are yu kay?

- Yeah, sure. Terrific.

I just hae ne giant questin.

Where am I?

Oh well, he lights up there are Ninth Street

and the bus stops at the crner f Pwell.

N, n, n, n.

I'm asking, what is this place?

- Cleeland?

- Cleeland? Uh-huh...

hat's a perfect weird name

fr this planet.

Planet?

N, n, that's a city.

he planet's...

Yu dn't knw the planet?

Oh well, the planet's called Earth,

I think.

And I'm bViusly

in sme srt f terrible nightmare.

Oh yeah?

Yur nightmare r mine?

Gd pint.

S, I guess

I better be ging.

hanks again.

Bye.

Bye...

Listen...

Yu gt smeplace to g?

If I had smeplace to g,

I certainly wuldn't be in Cleveland.

Cme n.

Nice place.

Dyu pay to live here?

It's cheap.

he manager f my band fund it fr me.

I suggest

yu find a new manager.

I'd lve to, but we gt

this damn cntract with this sleazid.

He wn't even give us the mney

he wes us.

Cme n in.

It's srt f a disaster area.

We'e been wrking n

sme new sngs, yu knw.

See, the band's

called Cherry Bmb, and...

...we'e been playing these grungy

mng-hles waiting fr ur big break.

Yu dn't hae any idea

what I'm talking abut, dyu Mister...

- Hell.

...Duck?

- It's Hward, thank yu.

- Right, Hward.

Hi, I'm Beverly.

Listen, wuld yu like

smething to eat r drink?

Milk?

I culd put it in a bwl.

Dll, I dn't drink ut f bwls.

Yu gt a beer?

Beer?

Right, beer, right.

Gd, I can't believe this.

- I'll put yu in a bwl.

- What?

N...

Give me a break.

- What's this?

- It's a purse.

- I gt it at a swap meet.

- Cute.

- Big ne...

- I'm srry, I'm snervus.

It's just that I've

never been around a...

I mean, I've never even had

any pets r anything, yu knw?

hey seem like such a hassle.

Yu knw, feeding them...

...cleaning up their little p- ps.

- I'll try to be careful.

N, I didn't mean that yu...

Lk, why dn't

yu just sit dwn...

- Okay, why nt?

- And make yurself at hme.

- Make myself at hme? I wish.

- Listen.

Oh n, nt again!

Hward, it's kay.

Are yu all right?

- he chair started shaking.

- It was just a big truck ging by.

A truck?

I knew that.

What I dn't knw is

what the hell I'm ding here!

It's like a bad trip.

I mean, talk abut an identity crisis.

Yeah, what an awful thing

to happen.

Hward, I was

just kinda wndering...

...des everybdy

in yur planet lk like yu?

- Obviusly, why?

- Nreasn, just wndered.

S, what dyu dback hme?

Yu gt a jb? Yu gto schl?

- I went to med schI fr a while.

- Yu went to med schI?

Yeah, my parents

wanted me to be a dctor.

Plastic surgen, making big bucks,

ding big jbs, tail tucks.

- What happened?

- I dropped ut.

And I decided to educate myself

in the real wrld, n the streets.

S, I wrote sngs at night

and did cnstructin wrk by day.

Ww. hat sunds great.

Yu knw, I write sngs to.

- What kind f...

- Listen, it desn't matter.

It was all a pipe dream.

I gt stired f everyne saying:

"Grw up, Hward".

I guess I finally did.

Last mnth I gt

what they call a "prmising jb".

- Yeah? Ding what?

- Adertising cpywriter.

Only twthings touch my feathers,

this "Oil f Night Fwl" and him.

I wrte that.

Geez, Hward, it srt f

sunds like yu sld ut.

Maybe.

But smetimes I still get this feeling...

...there's sme kind f special destiny

waiting fr me.

Hward, that's it.

Maybe that's why yu're here.

- What?

- I mean, I believe...

...that there are naccidents

in the unierse.

Maybe yu're here

fr sme greater purpse.

- Sme csmic cause.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes