Hulk Vs. Wolverine

---

My name is Wolverine.

I'm the best there is at what I do,

but what I do isn't very nice.

What the...?

What the hell happened?

Oh, yeah.

Hulk vs. Wolverine

Four Hours Ago

Sir, I know I'm not supposed

to ask questions...

...but who are you?

No one you wanna know, kid.

Looks like someone had a bad day.

Copy. Still searching for any survivors.

It happened about 4 hours ago,

just before dawn.

A creature has sighted

crossing US-Canadian border.

This is what happened

when it reached civilization.

Creature?

The Americans call it the Hulk.

Intel sketchy.

Department H. thinks the US military

is covering something up.

He smells toxic.

Gun powder too.

Well... Someone tried to fight back.

Welcome Elkford.

Guess they didn't fight hard enough.

Department H. wants you

to find and stop the Hulk...

...before he reaches

another town or city.

And if you can't stop it, kill it!

Sounds like fun.

Sir, I think we got something.

- Do you want us try for a landing?

- Don't bother.

Why always that?

Hey, Bub.

You haven't seen a big monster

running around anywhere, have you?

No! Stay back!

Stay away from me!

Stay back!

Relax, cry baby.

I ain't gonna...

You smell toxic!

Who are you?

Please, I'm begging you.

Leave me alone!

For your own sake, please, go!

You are in terrible danger!

Here is the deal, misty.

There is a third claw that's gonna come out

if you don't start talking.

Oh, hell!

I don't suppose you got any interest

to talking this out.

What the hell happened?

Oh, yeah.

Let's do this!

Come on!

Hulk smash little man!

Little man leave Hulk alone!

Hulk is strongest there is!

Okay, Bub.

Let's try that again.

Thanks runt.

We've been trying

to take him down for weeks.

Logan, buddy!

It's me, Deadpool!

I shot you!

What are you looking at?

Prepare the lab.

We are on our way.

His vital signs are increasing.

He's waking up.

Now, Mrs. Hynes, begin

the adamantium bonding process.

- Yes, professor.

- Commencing infusion.

- The vitals are erratic but holding.

- Excellent!

Increase to maximum.

Weapon-X's mental conditioning

and reprogramming are at stage 5.

Begin combat assessment.

I don't care how long you had him

professor, this is a mistake.

I know him.

He can't be controlled.

You have his DNA,

so just let me kill him.

I'll take that

under advisement, Sabertooth.

Prepare your team for the mission.

Your funeral.

What do you say after the mission

we kill all those flooding babies?

Do you ever shut up, Wilson?

What? Babies creep me out.

Good bye, bamm!

He's fighting to programming.

We are losing control!

Increase the dosage!

Initiate lock down procedures

and someone activate Sabertooth!

Guards! Guards!

Wakey wakey time!

Logan!

We missed you!

The Weapon-X just hasn't been

the same without you.

Nobody calls me Bub anymore.

And Omega Red is a bed wetter.

One day I will tear up

your flipping tongue, Wilson.

He's very ashamed.

Despite Deadpool's idiocy,...

...Weapon-X is indeed pleased

to have you back, Logan.

We put considerable time

and money into you.

And pointy things.

You're our best operative, Wolverine.

So disappointing.

But you did lead us to Dr. Banner.

Of course, you know him better as,...

...the Hulk.

I shot him in the ass.

With one of these.

What? I did.

Weapon-X has been pursuing

the Hulk for weeks.

Unfortunately, there was

some collateral damage.

If only Department H.

had sent you in sooner...

...who knows how much destruction

could have been avoided?

What do you want with the Hulk?

We just wanna help him

find his happy place.

Did you see how angry he was?

I'm sorry, but come on.

I think his fancy...

We want the same thing

we wanted with you, Logan.

A weapon.

I'll erase Banner's memories

and reprogram him...

...just like I did you.

And then Weapon-X will have the most

powerful creature on the planet.

At our disposal.

You shoulda kill me,

when you had a chance.

Because I'm gonna get out of here.

I'm gonna kill all of them.

And then I'm gonna cut out your heart.

Wolverine, after I'm done with you...

...you won't even remember

this conversation.

I've erased your life before,

and I'm gonna do it again.

All you'll know is that you

belong to Weapon-X.

Now and forever.

That was so not cool.

I hate that guy.

Ah, Wolverine.

You look so sad.

Hey, if it makes you feel any better,...

...Lady Deathstrike tried to kill you

while you were asleep.

Better than having listen to you.

Man, she hates you.

I mean, we all hate you.

But Deathstrike really, really,

really hates you.

Hey, still have that unbreakable skull?

Ow, damn it!

You will die today, Logan-san.

It does not matter

what the professor says.

These are your last breaths.

What are you doing here, Deathstrike?

I'm about to start

Wolverine's reprogramming.

He has to die!

How many times do I have to have

this conversation with you?

He's more valuable alive and...

Sorry Prof, gotta go

with the lady on this one.

I gotta love our healing factors.

I'm gonna enjoy killing you for days.

And then I think we'll drop the Hulk

on an orphanage or something...

...just for fun.

Gaijin dog!

For the dishonour you've caused

my family, you will suffer.

And then you will die.

Sweetheart...

...you and your family can take your honour

and shove it up your bony little...

Deathstrike, don't!

Target located in Zone-23.

Take him down!

Back up! We need back up!

Well, he's alive but I think

he's gonna need some serious TLC.

The last thing the professor said

before the runt cutted him,...

...was for us to kill Wolverine.

Really?

You buy that?

Yeah, you know, I would think

the last thing he said was...

..."Ah, Sabretooth!"

We kill Wolverine now.

That is all that matters.

Whatever you say ponytail.

I'm in the mood for a little murder.

Strike a pose!

Get it together.

We're gonna have company soon.

Please!

Please, I'm begging you.

You have to help me.

You have to get me outta here!

If these people turn Hulk into a weapon

millions of people will die.

So I should just kill you now,

that's what your saying right?

Come on, weepy.

You don't know what it's like.

I've been hunted

for as long as I can remember.

And I can't control it.

- The monster, it...

- Bub, do I look like I give a...

Please, struggle....

...until make your death taste

so much sweeter.

- No!

- Yes, as in yes.

You're going to die.

Bang! Just kidding.

Click, click.

No! That was my favourite gun.

What the hell is the matter with you?

Do your thing!

We need your big green friend

out here right frigging now!

What?

No!

What do you mean, no?

Even if that was a good idea, I can't.

The transformation happens

when I feel angry or stressed.

Now, they...

They must have drugged me.

Something's suppressing my adrenaline.

It comes from the cortex.

Maybe that will help speed things up.

If you wanna cry now,

I say go for it.

Gaijin!

End of the line runt.

- Got any last words?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes