Human Traffic Page #8

Now, I'm gonna take you on a guided tour

of the club casualties.

- So come on!

- Right! Let's do it!

We're all getting

laid tonight!

Oh! Oh!

F***in' hell.

It's Dynasty!

[ Dance Music ]

- F*** me man, Roni Size's got the f***ing balls!

- That's exact what I was gonna say, man.

- Are you f***in' takin' a piss, man?

- What?

- Are you f***in' takin' a piss out of me?

- What the f***'s this commin' from, man?

Sometimes, man, I look in your eyes,

and all I see is f***ing resentment.

That's pa-ra-no-ia!

M-mmm...

- So who do you know, bruv?

- Every motherf***er.

St. Mellons Crew, Lanederyn Posse,

Talbots Crew, Docks posse.

- Oh bruv, I have a cousin on the Docks, man.

- On the Docks? - Yeah.

Cool gang and crew, they're smokin' ganja

on the beach, man. That's the f***ing motherland,

you know what I'm sayin'?

- All right, babe?

- What the f*** you doing to me?

- What are you talking about?

- Talking to that bloke in the club.

- You kept on touching his chest.

- Did I? Who?

You f***ing know who.

Right in front of me as well.

You know, it scares me

to imagine what you're like

when I'm not around.

Yeah, this all sounds

a bit familiar really,

doesn't it, lovely?

Yeah, well, how about a little bit

of consideration, eh?

I don't want you talking

like that with other boys.

It affects me.

Look, Koop, I really can't

be pissed with this one again tonight.

I haven't done anything wrong.

You're just being paranoid.

Sort it out,

for f***'s sake.

Would you like it--

Would you like it if I

was flirting with a girl...

while I kept on

touching her chest, would you?

- Only if she had better tits than me.

- No, f*** off, Nin.

Don't give me that sh*t.

You always--

You always--

You're always touching people,

aren't you?

But that doesn't mean to say

I'm flirting with anyone,

for f***'s sake!

I don't know how much more

reassurance I can give you.

What do I have to do?

Don't you trust me?

Answer me!

Don't you trust me, Koop?

[ Scoffs ]

Yeah, man, Star Wars

is definitely about drug culture, man.

There's no f***ing question.

It has to be, man.

You're telling me, And.

You're telling me.

I mean, what was Jabba smoking

in that big glass pipe?

Come on! What are we, thick?

You know what I mean?

- It was f***ing opium.

- Of course it was opium!

You know it was!

You see his tongue, man?

And that f***ing tail!

Listen, listen,

Han Solo, yeah?

He's got a smuggling compartment

in the Millennium Falcon, isn't he?

He's only an intergalactic

smack dealer, isn't he?

F***ing gets up there!

Listen, Yoda, man, as well. He's been

coming down for about 500 years.

- Of course he is, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- He's f***ed, the poor bastard.

He's used to be, you know,

really tall and handsome,

but you know, you know--

- What, like Chewbacca?

- Yeah.

- [ Trilling ]

- [ Howling ] Can't do it.

You know what I mean.

- Now he's f***ing--

Now he's like two foot high...

- Yeah.

- and, and f***ing pointed tabs,

white hair and hooves.

- Hooves.

That's what I was gonna say.

The f***ing hooves, man.

What a comedown.

What about the emperor?

The f***ing emperor.

The king crackhead

of the galaxy, yeah?

He's got so much

f***ing hard cash...

from selling crack

to space junkies, yeah?

He's only gone and built his own planet,

you know what I mean?

- On drug money.

- The f***ing Death Star.

- The Death Star!

- And he's sat in there

going like,

"Come on, more power!

More power!"

- It's like, you know,

and Yoda's like--

- Yeah, yeah.

And he's in

chilled-out land.

- Yeah, be suited and all that.

- Be creative, yeah.

What was I talking about?

- Huh?

- What was I talking about?

- What, just now?

- Yeah.

- Your dad.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well,

tell you what, mate.

Thing about my old boy is, is that

I love him and that.

He's always been there

for me and...

always spoke to me on my level

and that when I was a kid, yeah,

but I'll tell you what.

- I'm really worried about him.

- You're worried about him?

- Yeah.

- Why, man?

Why?

He thinks

I'm two identical twins...

pretending to be

the same person.

Keeps calling me Leon.

[ Sighs ] F***ing hell.

Yeah, mate.

And I'll tell you what.

He's getting worse

in there as well.

Those drugs they're giving him,

they're f***ing his head up, mate.

F***.

- So, what, he thinks

you're two people?

- Yeah.

- F***.

- Yeah.

Fair play, man.

That's pretty west, isn't it?

Yeah, but you know, sanity, man,

how do you define that?

You know, how do you

define sanity, you know?

You know, who's to to say that,

you know, the people that,

you know, supposed to be mad,

you know,

who's to say that they're, you know,

just not tapped into...

- a higher sensory perception

or something, you know?

- Hmm. Mmm.

Into, you know,

a different kind of universe,

they're way ahead, you know?

- You know?

And we just haven't caught up yet.

- Ah.

Listen to this.

The emperor wants to control

outer space.

Yoda wants to explore

inner space.

That's the fundamental difference

between the good and the bad sides...

of the Force.

- Sh*t. Sh*t.

- You know what I mean? F***!

- F***'s sake, man!

- I just don't know where it

comes from sometimes. And,

do you know what I mean?

It frightens me.

[ Rapping ]

There's not a problem that I can't fix

'cause I can do it in the mix

And if your man gives you trouble,

just you move out on the double

And you don't let it

trouble your brain

'Cause away goes trouble

down the drain

Said away goes trouble

down the drain

I want E.T.'s to abduct me

from planet Cardiff.

- Come on, you f***ers! Let's go!

- [ Laughing ]

You can't blame them

for not coming though.

I mean, they've only gotta

f***ing check out the 10:00 News...

and check out all the murders

and diseases and wars.

?Jada Doherty?

[ Both Laughing ]

Ohh.

Take me to a world

where the drugs are free,

the clubs have no gravity,

and every shag

guarantees an orgasm!

Yes! Two orgasms!

- Yes!

- Yeah!

He's a genius, um, Socrates.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah?

And he's given it all that.

And they're going,

"What? What, Socrates?

Man, you're off your tit!

What are you talking about?"

You know, they f***ing thought

he was mad, you know.

And this guy, you know, he-- he sped up

evolution of mankind, you know?

He f***in', you know--

He was a genius, this guy.

They thought he was crazy.

You know what I mean?

I mean, they lock

these people up, right?

But you know, they should

let 'em out, man.

They should f***in' put these people

in Parliament and that.

You know what I mean?

F***ing put them in Parliament.

You know, they're talking sense,

these people.

Put your dad on that

f***ing chair in Parliament

and listen to that man!

- You know? Deal with that!

- Yeah, man!

- You know what I mean?

- Yeah!

- F***in' mad. Bollocks.

- I mean, you know,

we're not in hospital and that,

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