Humoresque Page #8

- Take your hands off him, Teddy.

I'm sorry. No offense.

That's my line, no offense.

No offense, anybody.

- Let me alone, Paul. I'm a lost crusade.

- Turn around.

You're a hangman's noose to me.

Please leave me alone.

Say good night.

Good night, Monte.

- Night, Teddy.

- Night, Helen.

Night, Mrs. Wright.

A French philosopher once listed

300 ways of committing suicide.

- Yeah?

- He left one out:

Falling in love with an artist.

Be careful, that's the only pot

that was ever true to me.

Drink your coffee.

Here we go again.

Only a man who doesn't drink...

...thinks black coffee sobers you up.

- I envy people who drink.

- They know what to blame everything on.

- lf it's so simple, why don't you drink?

- I have no character.

- Don't brag.

- How do you feel?

- Who, me?

Oh, wonderful.

I need a hot towel or a cold shower.

Either or both or vice versa.

I hate cold showers. They stimulate me.

- Then I don't know what to do.

- Try getting some sleep.

It's an idea, not original.

I had the idea hours ago.

You were playing games

with phones and doorbells.

Maybe it's a personal idiosyncrasy of mine,

but loud noises never put me to sleep.

- Sure there's nothing else I can do?

- Yeah, I'm sure.

Maybe I can play the Hammerklavier sonata.

Takes an hour if I leave out the repeats.

Good night, Sid.

- Sure you don't need me?

- Good night, Sid.

Okay, remember, I'm not taking

any more calls tonight.

I'm entered in a dog show.

I have to be up at 6:00.

- Think I have a chance?

- You'll do great.

Autumn's a sad time of year.

When I was a kid, it meant

the holidays were over. Back to school.

It's a pretty sight from up here. Not so

pretty close up, though. Nothing ever is.

The Boray point of view.

The top of the world.

- What are you thinking about?

- What happened tonight?

I spoke to Victor.

He'll give me the divorce.

- Did you hear?

- Yes, I heard.

- He was very kind about it.

- Was he?

What else did he say?

- Nothing.

- What else did he say, Helen?

- I tell you, that's all he said.

- Then why the tears? Why the dramatics?

Why not? I'm losing a husband.

You're hiding something.

I know you too well. What happened?

- Why did you go out with Monte?

- He offered to buy me a drink.

- You do well enough without him.

- I like to drink.

- It's an escape you once told me.

- I once told you I loved you.

Why don't you remember that?

- Helen, Helen...

- Don't hold out hope. Beware of pity.

I love you. I wanna marry you.

Marry. It's an easy word to say, isn't it?

It rolls so trippingly off the tongue.

The bride wore white. No.

That's only for the first marriage.

Red for the second, black for the third.

- Stop it.

- What are you afraid of, Paul? The truth?

You don't want me, not really.

It's someone you made up.

You need the homemaker type. Outside of

music, you cherish standard virtues.

No, you don't want me, Paul.

I'm too wearing on the nerves.

- Why hold up the wall? Let it fall.

- You don't know...

- I won't change, you know.

- I'm not asking you to anymore.

- It won't work, I tell you.

- How do we know?

Why don't you say it?

Speak out clear with courage.

Can't you say you don't love me

and never wanna see me?

- I wanna marry you.

- You're married already. Married to work.

You're married to your music.

You'll never marry me.

Don't forget your music, Paul.

Don't ever forget your music.

- How I hate music. I detest it.

- Stop it. Stop it.

Don't fight. Don't try to fight anymore.

No, I won't. I can't.

I love you, Paul.

I love you.

- Hello, Mrs. Sheff. What can I do for you?

- I want some candy for my Monroe.

I have just what you want.

- All-day suckers.

- They're so small.

But the days are getting shorter,

Mrs. Sheff.

- And I want some bologna.

- I have some nice bologna with garlic.

Over on this side.

Oh, excuse me.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Mrs. Wright.

Hope you don't mind my coming.

I should've called.

Oh, don't apologize.

It's a pleasure. It's an honor.

I bet you haven't been in many

grocery stores, have you?

It's too bad it isn't tomorrow.

I'm getting a new slicing machine.

Paul bought it for me.

Cuts bread and everything.

Would you believe it?

You push a button:

The slices come out even.

I don't think Mrs. Wright

came to hear these things, Rudy.

- Will you come upstairs, Mrs. Wright?

- Thank you.

Mrs. Wright of Fifth Avenue,

friend of the family.

- I've got friends on Second Avenue.

- I'll cut your bologna.

Why did you come here?

You didn't have to.

I have one virtue, Mrs. Boray.

I've never lied to myself.

I've lived a meaningless and absurd life

among silly and rather futile people.

I tried to run away from it.

The easiest way, of course,

was drinking.

- But it didn't work.

- And now it's Paul?

Another chance to run away.

Another chance to escape.

Oh, no. No, Paul

never meant that to me.

Do you know why I tried

to help him at first?

I thought he needed

my money. But he didn't.

He wants to marry you. Marry.

You've been married before, Mrs. Wright.

How many times? Three, four?

And you've failed. And if

you fail now, what happens to Paul?

What about his work, his music?

He's put his whole life into it.

Do you know what that means to him?

You talk about love. What love?

You only make demands.

You only think of yourself.

You give nothing in return.

Leave him, Mrs. Wright.

Leave him alone.

- How old was he then?

- Eleven.

You know, every time I play a concert,

I feel those critical knives being sharpened.

And my scalp begins to tingle.

Say, did Sid tell you

about Helen and me?

- Yes, since you asked.

- She's getting a divorce.

Well, what do you think?

She's gonna marry me.

She'll add salt and pepper to your life.

She's quite a woman, if I'm any judge.

- Is she drinking?

- Not a drop.

Well, that's more than

I can say for myself.

- But then, I'm not in love.

- I know your type.

You believe in marriage

only as a last resort.

- How are you feeling this evening, sir?

- Complicated question. Haven't time for that.

- Helen's tickets are still at the box office.

- Are you sure?

She may be a little late.

It's a long drive down from the beach.

My mother?

The box is empty.

Thanks.

Hello.

Just a moment. It's Helen.

Helen. Helen, where are you?

Why aren't you here?

Always the same thing. I have enough

to think about without trying to figure out...

...where you are and what you're doing?

Don't you realize I have a concert to play?

Do you wanna ruin my concert, ruin

my career, ruin everything, is that what?

Where are you?

What are you doing?

- Are you drinking?

- No.

No, I'm not drinking, really I'm not.

But I swear it, darling.

Please believe me, and don't scold.

I don't wanna be scolded anymore.

Yes. I should've called you.

I meant to come, up to the last minute.

I was all dressed and ready,

as a matter of fact... What?

But, Paul, it's so quiet here.

It's such a long drive and then

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