Husbands and Wives Page #3

What? I didn't know I was stormy|and tempestuous.

Well, the writing was very...

- It was intense.|- I don't know.

It's just a trick, you know?|It's like...

...when I was 10, I wrote|this story on Paris...

...and I'd never been there.

You don't have to...|It's just a trick.

- You don't have to know or...|- Can you just turn it out?

There are a number of very good|professors who are notorious...

...for seducing their female pupils.|This goes on...

...because it's a cinch.

You know, they look up to them.

You know, they're older men...

...and students are flattered|by the attention.

It's not something I've ever done.|Not to say I haven't had daydreams.

Some of those women are|very attractive and interesting.

But I've never...

I've never acted on it.

I've never cheated on Judy.

Or any other relationship|in my life, really.

Because that has not been my style.

But, once...

One time, many years ago...

...I was living with this fabulous,|interesting woman...

...named Harriet Harmon.

I'm ashamed to say this,|but Harriet Harmon...

...was the great love of my life.

It was a very passionate relationship.|I loved her very intensely.

And, you know, we just|made love everywhere.

She was sexually carnivorous.

We did it in stalled elevators...

...and in bushes and people's houses,|at parties in the bathroom.

In the back of cars, she'd|put a coat on our laps...

...and grab my hand and|stick it between her legs.

She was really something.

And she, you know,|she was highly libidinous.

You know? She wanted|to make love with other women.

She got into dope for a while.|She'd break that thing...

...that you sniff when she'd|have her orgasm.

I was getting a real education.

I was fascinated.|I was absolutely nuts about her.

And ultimately she wound up|in an institution.

I mean, it's not funny,|it was a very sad thing.

She was great, but nuts.

See, I've always had this penchant...

...for what I call "kamikaze women."

I call them kamikazes because|they crash their plane.

They crash it into you,|and you die with them.

As soon as there's little chance|of it working out...

...something clicks in my mind.|Maybe because I'm a writer.

A dramatic or aesthetic component|becomes right...

...and I go after that person.

There's a certain dramatic ambience|that's almost...

...as if I fall in love|with the situation.

Of course, it has not|worked out well for me.

It has not been great and...

A few weeks after Jack|and Sally split...

You know, he and I didn't speak much.

I found him elusive.|We spent more time with Sally.

She was depressed.|We'd try and cheer her up.

I'd be scared to live alone|where you live.

It's really scary.

There have been burglaries.|My neighbor was robbed.

And nearby, people were at home.

It's lucky for them|they didn't wake up.

I would die. I'd never|close my eyes at night.

- You wanna get something to eat?|- Sure.

Hey.

- This is Sam.|- Hi.

- This is Gabe and Sally.|- This is Judy.

- I have to go. Sorry.|- Don't be silly.

No, I have an appointment.

- Really?|- Don't be crazy.

- I have to go.|- We were gonna eat.

I just wanted you...

God!

- Some coincidence.|- I know.

- What was your name?|- Sam.

Sam. Right.

- So you guys are just walking?|- We just had lunch.

- What do you do, Sam?|- Aerobics.

And I'm a trainer and some nutrition.

You wanna have dinner at the house?

- She's a great cook.|- I am.

I don't think...

- It's vegetarian.|- We can't.

- You don't eat meat, do you?|- I don't. She eats a little.

I used to eat meat, then I gave it up.|Then I had some again...

...and I got so bloated!|- Or there's a Mexican place.

- Oh, yeah! I flip over couscous!|- You feel like cooking?

- Whatever you want.|- Let's do it.

Yeah. We'll watch the Grammys.

I'm not watching that.

- I bet Jill over the best single!|- I'm not watching the Grammys.

- My mother's in town.|- Yeah, she's here for a week.

Okay, maybe later.|I've been meaning to call.

I'd like to pick up some decaf.

Oh, there's a great store.|I need some ginseng.

She is so great. You know,|she's got a degree in psychology.

- She's into fitness.|- You're f***ing nuts.

She is terrific. She's a nice girl.|Her family's from Delaware.

Her father's in police work.

I can't get my mind around it.|You leave Sally for this? I'm shocked.

- Careful. I'm serious about her.|- You're my friend, I love you.

It's like your IQ is in remission.

- It's like you had a stroke.|- Don't give some moralizing discourse.

- You're not my rabbi.|- I just can't believe it.

You're with Sally for years.|You raise a family. She's wonderful.

- So she's a ball-breaker sometimes...|- She is.

I lived with her, you don't know her.

I don't? So tell me something terrible.

There's nothing terrible to tell you.

I don't wanna hurt her.|That's not what this is about.

Suddenly you take up|with a cocktail waitress...

- She's not a cocktail waitress.|- I think of you and Sally...

She's warm and she's nice|and I can relax around her.

Sally was hyper. You know that.

She's great, but she's|cold and difficult.

Her Radcliffe friends and the crap|about her decorator.

I was bored at the opera.

She'd never go to a game.|We'd never just relax.

If I put an ashtray down|in the wrong place, that was it!

- It took 15 years to understand this?|- I should've done it before now.

But we had kids and we're|all scared of being alone.

I love Sally. But what's|wrong with aerobics?

- What am I? A snob?|- What's it got to do with aerobics?

Big deal. So she's not|Simone de Beauvoir.

I want somebody who screams|when I f*** her.

She's a f***ing cocktail waitress.

That's not your business. You don't|know what goes on between us.

I'm tired of being corrected|and criticized.

That's all I ever did with Sally.

And your mother is not in town.|She's in Florida.

I think no matter how hard we worked,|the marriage wouldn't have lasted.

How long were you and Judy married?

Five years.

- Why did you split up?|- I thought I wanted out.

I felt I had just run out of gas.

But as I look back, I think|it was Judy who wanted out.

So she left you?

No, she'd never...|That's not her style.

Don't let Judy fool you. She's|what I call passive-aggressive.

Everything is,|"Poor me, give me a break."

But she gets what she wants.

I remember when she met her|current husband, Gabe Roth.

My husband and daughter are staying...

...but I'm leaving tomorrow.|I have to work.

- Let me give you a lift.|- No, don't be silly.

- Why go on the train?|- It's fine.

- Would you like something to eat?|- Me? No. I'll get you something.

- I was just on my way.|- Don't be silly.

- Pasta? Anything else?|- That's fine.

- I can easily get a cab.|- Why should you?

See? He winds up getting the food.

He changes his schedule,|drives her home.

And all the time it's,|"No, I'll be okay. Don't help me."

What he doesn't say is that for|the last two years of our marriage...

...he was virtually impotent,|when it came to me.

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