I.D.

---

Look at me.

I know you.

You had your own patch of the

playground by the chemistry labs,

selling off bent dinner tickets.

Expelled, weren't you?

Something about an air rifle

and three female third-years?

Hello?

Silly f***.

Getting caught, I mean.

If you're going to be a naughty boy,

you've got to be careful,

or you'll end up here.

Then I'll have to deal with you.

You know me. Yes, you do.

Honest John.

Milk monitor, prefect...

Would've made Head Boy if I'd stayed on.

Old man put his foot down.

Got to go out in the world, earn a crust.

I don't give a toss

that you did some dodgy perfume

and I'll turn a blind eye to the blow.

But you have to admit the sheltered

accommodation was well out of order.

Don't even start to think of denying it.

I know you did the job.

You know you did the job.

Even my grandma's goldfish knows it.

It's a bit warm, isn't it?

Another tropical September afternoon

in London's East End.

Tell me you did it

and I'll send out for some lollies.

Much better you cough.

Give me a video, a stereo,

two bracelets and a telly.

Fillin the necessaries and in

Half an hour you can be in the boozer

bragging of how

you gave the Bill the run-around.

Do us both a favour, eh?

I need a clear-up and you need a break.

You'll get six months suspended.

You'll be laughing.

You know me. My name is John.

I can be very nice, and I can be very nasty.

Either way I'm having a statement out of you.

Your choice.

(JOHN):
Yes!

Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Looking for DC Brandon...

Schofield's asked to see you.

Chief Super reckons you're ripe for a job.

I was beginning to think he had it in for me.

Wait 'til you hear what the job is.

(TV):
Shadwell Town. 6.9.88, 4:07 pm.

Targets 7 and 8 are named. 20.9.88.

(SCHOFIELD):
All the scenes have been recorded

at The Kennel over the past six months.

- Kennel?

- Shadwell fans call their ground that.

- Their nickname's "The Dogs".

- Their bite is worse than their bark.

...6.07 pm.

(SCHOFIELD):
We want you

in there with them. By the book.

Day-to- day wack. Dates, times, places, faces.

- I thought we had a squad at Shadwell.

- Word went out on them.

- Our targets will be suss of new faces.

- Your targets will be different.

Someone is organising this lot.

We want generals, not foot soldiers.

David Daley, motor mechanic.

Done 18 months of 4 years for GBH.

Paul Funnell. Done six for manslaughter.

Strangled a bloke with a Union Jack.

Said he did it as a joke.

Wynton Mbula. Got his finger

everywhere - nothing sticks.

Daley, Funnell, Mbula. My money says

it's them pushing the flags on the map.

Why can't we do them

on what you've got there?

They'd be out before the season end.

We want their sentences in years, not months.

We want them on conspiracy.

We want their goolies

pickled on a plate

for the Home Secretary. Got it?

We've got a meeting with the previous team.

- Detective Sergeant in six months.

- Don't got too excited.

One minute you're flying

and the next you're grounded.

I'm no plod. If I don't make Inspector

in five years, I'll try some other game.

Last week I was in court on an arson,

the week before I was looking for a lost arm

in a car crash. This week it's football.

Stone me! What did you walk into?

Gold and black one.

They sussed me.

How come? You look the part.

We don't look like

a bunch of tarts like you, anyhow.

Some bloke I was at Hendon with

was on duty at The Kennel,

and he gave me "How many stripes

have you got?" before I shut him up.

- Arsehole.

- What did your target say?

Nothing. They were as good as gold

All afternoon.

'Til we got down to The Rock.

Yeah, 'til after the game

and we got down to The Rock.

- Then they had us out the back.

- Where's The Rock?

- You'll find it, don't worry.

- Stay clear of The Rock.

Bob, the landlord. He can sniff Bill as

soon as it walks through the door.

He'll chew your bones for breakfast, son.

(CHARLIE):
How did you

make contact with your targets?

(DANNY):
Go to all the matches.

Hang around the boozers.

Go on a pub crawl around Shadwell.

You'll soon come across them.

You take the pubs on the right,

we take those on the left.

At the end of the evening we'll meet

back at the nick and compare notes.

(DANNY):
You'llsee enough to stuffthem,

and what you don't see, you can guess.

Do you know what I mean?

- What are you having?

- Half a stout.

- I don't like drinking, John.

- Neither do I, but make an effort.

(CHARLIE):
What's the matter

with you two? Can't take a drink?

(LAUGHING)

I'm alright, I'm alright.

(CHANTING)

Jackpot!

Have you sobered up?

And me. Let's go to work.

Two pints of lager, please.

- Over in the corner. Nutters.

- Can it, Trevor.

John. John!

- What the f*** are you staring at?

- Nothing, mate.

- Calm down. Have a drink.

- Tell your mate to f*** off.

- I don't like being stared at.

- F***ing right!

Don't give us hassle.

We're Shadwell like you, alright?

You reckon? Who are we playing tomorrow?

- Pentland, away.

- I'm not asking you!

- When's our next home game?

- (JOHN):
Wednesday, mate. Grimsby.

- Let him answer.

- Who did we sell to Wimbledon?

- Carera.

- You!

- Carera.

- Well done, Brain of Britain(!)

- Bloody good riddance.

- Trev...

He's the best player we over had!

F*** off, mate. If he'd gone

any slower, he'd have grown roots.

- (JOHN):
Trev...

- Hang on, he's got a point.

You've got to admit.

He did have some flair, though.

Oh, yeah. I wouldn't deny that, no.

For a white bloke he was pretty skilful.

- For a whitey, yeah. You're right.

- You prat!

I know they're f***ing Neanderthals,

But we've got to face them.

I thought we might bump into you lot.

So you're really Shadwell?

Of course. Ignore him, he's new to the game.

One Josh Carera! There's only one Josh Carera!

- Do you fancy a game?

- Yeah, I'm on.

Five cards, two changes, no trumps.

Tell your mate he can play.

- I hope he's got some cash on him.

- Yeah. Cut him in, deal him out.

When do I over lose?

(TRAIN DRIVER):
We'll shortly be

arriving at Pentland...

(ALL):
Yeah!

You lucky f***er! We're playing

All the way back, you know.

Sorry, boys. Must've hit a lucky streak.

(GENERAL SHOUTING)

At least there's no Pentland.

I reckon they've bottled.

You don't know your arse, son.

You'll have had enough of Pentland

before the day's out.

(INDISTINGUISHABLE ABUSE)

(ALL):
# Shadwell never, never, never

shall lose face

There it is, the ground.

I don't give a f***, John, to be quite honest.

Had some of your lot in lockup.

- My lot?

- Wapping fans, trashed a nightclub.

They aren't my lot. My lot are Shadwell.

- They're all the same, though.

- That's what they say about us.

- You are enjoying your meal, I hope.

- Yes. Thank you, Giuseppe.

- The scallops are marvellous.

- I have a special dessert for you.

- Could we have another of these?

- I don't want any more.

- I do, though. Another half-bottle.

- Certainly.

What did you do all day?

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