I Am a Sex Addict

Hi. My name's Caveh,

and I'm about to be married.

Um, this isn't my first time.

I've actually been married twice before.

Um, but I'm pretty sure

it's going to be the last time.

Um...

How can I know that for sure?

I can't, obviously.

My last two marriages fell apart because

I used to have this sex addiction problem,

and I don't really have that anymore.

Well, at least not in the way I used to.

Um...

You see, about ten years ago I started going

to these Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings.

Hi. My name's Caveh.

I'm a sex addict.

ALL:
Hi, Caveh.

For me, it all started in Paris

about seven years ago.

Actually, I wasn't able

to raise enough money to go to Paris,

so I'm just going to shoot it here

in San Francisco,

which is where I live now.

So if you could just pretend this is Paris...

...and that I'm 23 years old.

So anyway, I was walking

down the street one day...

...when I saw this prostitute.

The first thing that struck me

was what she was wearing.

But then I noticed her

uncanny resemblance to my wife.

I thought it was strange that I should be

so turned on by this woman,

and yet no longer the least bit

attracted to my wife.

You f***ing shut the f*** up!

This is Caroline, my wife.

How I ended up marrying her

instead of the person I was

really in love with is a long story.

But I should probably start by explaining

that I never would have married Caroline

if it hadn't been for the fact

that she was French...

... and that her visa was about to expire.

Actually, let me back up a second.

This is Anna.

She was my first real girlfriend

and the love of my life.

We had met in college

and had been together for two years.

Now, I should probably explain

that ever since I was a kid,

I was obsessed

with finding my soul mate.

Every time I would meet a girl

I would think,

"Is she the one?

"Is she the one?

Or is she the one?"

I was constantly falling in love

at the drop of a hat,

but the girls I was attracted to

never seemed to be attracted to me.

Things went on like this for years,

and I was starting to despair

of ever finding a soul mate.

And then I met Anna.

She had the most beautiful soul

of anyone I had ever met.

And the two years we spent together

were the happiest of my life.

It seemed that nothing

could ever come between us

and that we would always be together.

The only problem was

that I was a philosophy major

and believed in free love.

To me, monogamy was a form

of private property,

and I was against private property.

Let me try one more a different way.

Our role models at the time were

Jean Paul Satre and Simone de Beauvoir

because they were said to have had

a polygamous relationship

which had lasted their entire lives.

(birds chirping)

Anna had had affairs,

and so had I.

Of course, we both got jealous at times,

but we believed that jealousy

was something to be transcended

and that it was possible to love

more than one person at a time...

(beach music playing)

... which is how I ended up

becoming involved with Caroline.

We had met in Paris

a few months earlier

and had spent three

idyllic days together.

I know I said that we couldn't afford

to shoot in Paris, and we really can't,

but the actress playing Caroline,

her visa expired and she actually

had to go back to France

before we could finish the film.

Actually, let me back up a little.

You see, I had a really hard time

finding a French actress to play my wife.

And then one day

I saw this woman on the street

who looked a lot like the real Caroline.

So I started talking to her

and found out that she was French.

So I asked her to audition.

CAVEH:
So what do you do for money?

What's your business?

I have a make-up company.

CAVEH:
Oh, really?

Are you a make-up artist?

Well, actually,

I teach people to do make-up.

CAVEH:
Really? So you're

a make-up artist teacher?

Yes, I am.

Now, I should probably explain

that the real Caroline

was also a make-up artist,

which I took as a sign that I had found

the perfect person to play the role.

But then a few months later,

when we were about to do re-shoots,

something really weird happened.

Okay, something really weird

just happened.

I was looking for a French prostitute

to act in the movie

for the prostitute scene.

Where is it?

There it is.

I found this face that says Rebecca Lord.

So I open it...

And I'm like...

"Porn Star Rebecca Lord, French."

And I'm like, "Wow, she looks

so much like Caroline."

I go down.

I'm like, "She looks

so much like Caroline."

And then it says here,

"working first as a make-up artist."

That's what Caroline was.

And then it says that she'll be visiting

San Francisco August 7th through 11th.

That's when we're shooting

our re-shoots.

And I'm like, "Wait a minute.

Caroline... is a prostitute?"

And then there's all these movies.

Here's her list of credits.

Sluts of France.

So I had inadvertently cast a porn star

to play my French wife.

But anyway, getting back to the story.

We had met in Paris a few months earlier

and had spent three idyllic days together.

I had been totally honest with Caroline

about my relationship with Anna

and had even asked her...

Do you ever get jealous?

To which she had answered...

Life is too short for that.

I was blown away by her answer

and I found myself starting

to fall in love with Caroline.

But I still believed that Anna

was the true love of my life.

But then a month later,

Caroline flew to the States to see me,

and it was then that the trouble started.

You see,

Anna became jealous of Caroline

and insisted that I choose between them.

I didn't want to choose between them.

I wanted to be able to see them both.

But then Anna got

a summer internship in New York,

and Caroline and I ended up

spending the summer together.

Which is why when her visa expired.

I offered to marry her

so that she could stay in the States.

Now, I should probably explain

that I wasn't exactly the marrying type.

In fact, I was totally against marriage.

You see, I had grown up

during the Vietnam War

and I saw marriage as pat

of the same capitalist system

that had produced

the genocide in Vietnam.

(explosions)

(screaming)

But I was also influenced

by performance at...

(screaming)

... and by the idea of life itself

as a kind of performance piece.

And to me the institution of marriage

was so inherently absurd

that I tried to subvert it

by treating it as performance art.

I do.

Except that the joke,

as it turned out, was on me.

Because when Anna found out

that I had gotten married to Caroline,

she didn't take it so well.

(phone slams)

And then I did something

incredibly dumb.

You see, Caroline and I were

about to run out of money...

... and the idea of having to get a job was,

in my mind, a fate worse than death.

The only occupation I was interested in

was that of famous filmmaker.

But the few experimental films

that I had made

hadn't exactly been greeted

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