I Am Heath Ledger Page #5

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I probably fancied

that I was staying in character

by teasing him about going

to do this gay cowboy movie,

and I said one...

one ribbing too much

about the Brokeback,

and he just gave me this look.

It was like, "shut the f*** up,"

and I realized, I was like...

And, um, I didn't say anything

about it afterwards.

Before Brokeback Mountain

came out,

it would've been unthinkable

to have a romantic tragedy

involving two gay cowboys,

which are the very symbol

of American masculinity.

This is one of the biggest

heartthrobs on Earth

taking on that character.

That's balls,

and that's an artist.

When his name

popped up from casting,

I did have a little hesitation.

I didn't know at that time

if he can carry a movie,

which is what he needs to do

in Brokeback Mountain.

Monster's Ball

is really the reason

I chose him

for Brokeback Mountain.

I was that impressed.

The bottom line is,

we're around each other,

and this thing

grabs hold of us again

in the wrong place

and the wrong time,

then we're dead.

The self-hatred

and complexity,

that just caught me right away.

He clenched his fists

and biting his teeth

the whole time.

There was no doubt in his mind

he was that person.

If you can find

that character in you,

then that's your success.

That's golden.

That's...that's the magic.

Ennis, I wanted him

to be clenched,

and I wanted his mouth

to be a clenched fist,

and I wanted the words

to be just punching

their way out from within,

and just any form of expression

had to be painful.

Heath played a character

that was very few words.

That's the impression

people get.

That's why he's a good actor.

He has the most lines

in the movie,

but he just say it

like a man with few words.

He just has to while...

doing those lines.

I don't like actor

to look at monitor,

'cause I think actor

is to be seen

and the monitor is

for filmmakers to look at,

the viewers to look at,

and when these actors

look at themselves,

it messes up

their performances.

It's too aware.

I've never had anybody

argue with me on that one,

but Heath is the only person...

He would just walk up

to the camera.

At first,

I was a little taken aback,

'cause I have to say that

or he'll watch it anyway.

It doesn't look

like he's self-aware.

It just got better.

Take after take,

he tried to hit a target.

There is a target

he tried to hit,

and when he hits it,

it's beautiful.

Michelle is a brilliant actress

and person, as well,

very intelligent,

natural for that role.

The performance they have,

that relationship in the movie,

was really memorable.

We're filming the toboggan,

and I look at the producer,

I look at the stunt coordinator,

and "Yeah, it's a toboggan."

Whsssh...

And they flip.

It didn't look like much

from where we were seeing,

but she was hurt,

and when we reached

the hospital,

we saw Heath

sort of holding her hand,

trying to comfort her,

and it was pretty obvious,

his interest in her,

so that's pretty quickly

it happened.

He goes,

"I want you to meet Michelle."

She hugs me in this way

that she kind of climbs

into my entire soul

and squeezes me.

I've never

been squeezed like that

by someone I hadn't met before.

Like, "Oh,

it's so nice to meet you..."

That sweet accent that she has.

He said, "I've got a surprise."

"I'm gonna be a father."

He was pumped.

He was so excited.

You know, after Brokeback,

it really started to happen.

It was gonna be

an important film,

and there wasn't him

leaving the room.

There was a level of maturity

that this was something

that he could handle.

Michelle!

Together!

It's incredible

just to what extent

this film has changed my life.

It's quite miraculous.

Heath felt life deeper

than anyone that I've ever met.

He just took everything in

that much deeper.

There was one night

at Heath's place,

a little wine,

and then things spin,

and then we were on the piano,

and, you know,

just having fun,

and it went into the morning.

Got home, slept in late,

woke up,

there was a commotion outside,

knock at the door,

dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.

It says here, "A grand piano

from one Heath Ledger,

gift to Ben Harper."

I called him right away.

"You're crazy. What are

you doing?" you know?

"You're sending me

a grand piano.

Like, this is...

You can't do this."

"No, mate.

It's supposed to be with you."

And what can you say?

What can you say...

Other than "thank you"?

So then a couple weeks later,

he calls.

"You know that piano?

I need you to write

a lullaby for my daughter

that we can play for her

when she's born."

All right.

I've never been trusted

so deeply.

Nothing has ever

been asked of me

that was that precious.

The morning sunrise

spread her wings

While the moon

hung in the sky

Held the sea in her hands

And happy ever after

in her eyes

All that I can give you

Is forever yours to keep

Wake up every day

with a dream

And happy ever after

in your eyes

Happy ever after

is in her eyes

Happy ever after is in...

Her eyes

He became more of a dad

than an artist...

and to say that for Heath...

That's it.

I mean, that's...

It's a huge thing.

He really did change a lot.

It was a really exciting time.

He was out

to do everything possible

to be a good dad,

and, you know, a good partner,

and everything

that we all wish we could be.

He'd reached that spot

where "I've got a child.

My life's changed, and hold on,

I've gotta be in charge

of my own destiny."

Heath was a fantastic father.

He had so much love for her,

and it was so beautiful to see.

Being a dad was, like,

his favorite thing

that he ever did.

River river river river...

He said

he'd be moving to New York.

I thought he was gonna move

into the city.

Michelle had plans for Brooklyn.

Being the person that he is,

he fell in love

with Brooklyn too.

He said, "I love Michelle.

I love the world we're building.

I love the neighborhood."

They found a beautiful house.

It felt like he was, like,

the trailblazer of Brooklyn.

Cruising through

the streets of New York

with Matilda on his shoulders.

I mean, that's when he was...

He was just totally happy.

Waking up

every morning to that...

that smile, it just...

It just...

it brightens your day,

it really does,

and I'm incredibly proud

of both of them.

I had given him an early copy

of a record of mine

called Both Sides of the Gun.

He was getting into videos,

and he was getting

into directing

and getting behind the camera,

and that was...

That was exciting him a lot.

Then I got a call

at some crazy hour.

"I really wanna do a video.

This record means a lot to me.

How about the song

'Morning Yearning,'"

and I said, "Heath,

that would be amazing,

and I'm gonna leave you alone.

I'll show up and I'll do

whatever I need you to do."

Rolling.

Morning yearning

It's a morning yearning

And he really knew

exactly what he wanted to do,

but what amazed me is how in

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