I Am Michael Page #4

Welcome to our very first panel

on being young and gay

in America.

Joining us is Judy Shepard,

president of

the Matthew Shepard foundation,

dedicated to

working towards causes

championed by her son Matthew

during his life.

Thank you for joining us.

Michael Glatze,

former editor of XY magazine,

recipient of equality forum's

national role model award

as well as lambda's

literary award

for XY's survival guide,

participant in the

award-winning documentary

Jim in bold,

and co-founder

of young gay Americans,

which is now

a full-fledged magazine.

What does being gay mean to you?

Gay doesn't mean the same thing

that it meant 20 years ago.

And it's more important now

than ever

to make allies

and make alliances

both inside

and outside the gay community.

Gay doesn't mean the same thing

that it meant 20 years ago.

It's not about...

Hey.

No.

I have to walk the dog.

Hey.

What are you doing?

I need some space.

Mike...

Look, I just...

I need some time

to figure this out,

to see where this is taking me.

Why can't you come to me

for help?

We have to talk about this

before...

Look, I just...

I need to get away

from this life.

Our life?

Yes.

And what exactly is it about our life that

you need to get away from, being gay?

I don't know.

I don't know!

Okay, uh, are you

attracted to women?

Because if that's the case,

then fine, go explore.

I just wanna be with my parents in heaven.

Is that so hard to understand?

Can you even hear yourself

right now?

What happened to the

misinterpretation of the Bible?

It's a f***ing book, Mike!

I read the Bible the same way

I read anything else,

with an open mind

and an open heart.

Oh, is that what you call this?

'Cause the way you're talking doesn't

exactly sound very f***ing open-minded.

This relationship has just developed

into something unhealthy.

What does that even mean?

Tyler?

You were just as

interested in that as I was.

No.

I just wanted you to be happy

because I was afraid

you were gonna leave.

I was never gonna leave, Mike.

I've stood by you.

I've held your hand while you

were so terrified of dying

that you created illnesses

that didn't even exist.

The truth is that

I was living a lie.

The truth is that god loves us...

Shut the f*** up!

Okay.

Wait.

Please don't go.

Where are you going?

The thing

that will really kill you...

Is repressing who you truly are.

That's what you

should really be afraid of.

So he just left this here

out in the open?

I have come to a decision

that will be shocking

to anyone I used to relate to.

The presence of god

has grown strong in my life.

He told me that my panic attacks

were caused by my shallow,

sinful lifestyle.

I've come to the realization

that identifying as gay

prevents you from finding

your true self within.

And we must be our true selves

in order to join god

in his kingdom.

Therefore, I, Michael Glatze,

no longer identify as gay.

Why did you do it?

"Gay activist goes straight"?

You gave the anti-gay right

the story of their dreams.

I don't know why.

I don't know.

Who pushed you?

No one.

I just wanted to tell my story.

Look, I think this all happened

because god needed

to teach me a lesson.

That's why I'm here,

to make it better.

Meditation is a way

of slowing down

and developing kindness

towards yourself.

Through mindfulness practice,

we develop strength of mind.

We become more present

and we learn

to appreciate our world.

God works in mysterious ways.

He has sent me to a place

where I can get away

from the physical world

so that I can focus

on my true self...

A happier, healthier man,

free of unnatural desires.

At first, I didn't understand

why god would send a Christian

to a Buddhist retreat.

But I have faith

in his plan for me.

Desire is powerful.

And god is testing me.

But I refuse to give in

to temptation.

I've come to the realization

that god wants me

to use meditation

to rid myself

of abnormal desires.

God gave Buddha the light

to be Buddha.

He did.

Michael,

what are you talking about?

I just want us to be on the

right path for our future,

for our health,

for the afterlife.

I am on the right path, okay?

My path.

Michael, i...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Nico.

It's the same kind of strength

that you need

to-to clear your mind.

You know, we just, we need

to find that strength

to fight what we both know

in our hearts is wrong.

We just have to fight it.

Stop, Michael. Stop.

No, I mean...

Michael, you're confused.

You're very confused

and it's at my expense.

People have been asking

how I am.

Some out of support.

Others who think

I've reconsidered.

I've come to the realization

that Bennett represents soul,

Tyler represents body,

Nico represents mind.

Father, son, holy ghost.

I guess god need me

to complete the Trinity

in order to move on.

So I'm ready to set

the record straight.

I was a heterosexual person

with a homosexual problem,

and I took care of that problem.

I have not reconsidered.

A good number of people

have come forward

and expressed their concern

about your being involved

with this organization.

This center is supposed

to accept everyone.

Yes, and we do.

We welcome people

of all beliefs,

but we don't tolerate hate.

I don't hate anybody.

Michael, you've written what some

would call very hateful things.

Those are my beliefs.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Are you okay?

I don't know...

I don't understand

what has changed, but I, uh...

Here we practice compassion.

And I'm just, I'm afraid

this isn't gonna work out.

So, because I'm Christian

and I express my opinions...

I have to leave.

That's so messed up.

That's really everything?

Your whole life

is in that one bag?

Yeah.

Do you think you'll stay here?

I mean, San Francisco can't

be the best place for an...

Ex-gay.

I'm not an ex-gay.

I'm just me.

Honestly, I thought

you'd be happy.

I mean, you never

really approved.

That's not true.

Then why haven't we been close?

I mean, you're my sister.

We're supposed to be there

for each other.

We can be close now.

I'm glad you're here.

And I want you to be happy...

Loving whomever.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

No, I can't.

What?

No, I'm sorry. Uh...

What happened?

I can't. Um...

It's not you, it's...

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Olly, it's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

Hello?

Michael?

Bennett.

Where are you?

Are you okay?

Michael?

I have to go.

Wait, why did you call me,

Michael?

To my friends who are trapped

in homosexuality:

I wanna thank you

for your kind comments

and keen observations

regarding my story

and my revelation that

I am no longer homosexual

and am now heterosexual.

The gay identity has been

packaged and fed to you,

and if you identify as gay

then you have eaten it,

preventing you

from further growth

and understanding

of your true self.

But it's not too late

to save yourself.

If you follow my lead.

I am confident.

I am blessed.

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