I Capture the Castle Page #3

My darlings.

Mother.

How are you?

Simon, dear, was that

supposed to be first class?

The seating was covered

in the most indescribable...

Mind the milk churns.

What was that?

I see what it is!

Ladies and gentlemen...

it's a bear...

and it's been scavenging for food.

Neil, we are in Suffolk, England.

Did you ever go hunting

in Yellowstone Park?

Did you ever see a grizzly

hug a guy to death?

- No, dear.

- Neil...

I'm telling you, I've seen a bear.

The circus has just arrived.

It must have escaped.

It'll be heading towards the village.

Come on, do something.

Listen, everybody,

in the waiting room now.

Come along. You too, madam.

Into the waiting room.

Quickly, come along!

Miss Cassandra! Miss Rose!

Bears are very cunning creatures.

Don't let the dog go until I say.

Okay.

He tried to head

away from the railway line.

Simon, lead your party over to the right

and fan out

in the direction of that church.

Come on, come on, get moving.

Go.

I'll go this way.

Rose?

Rose!

My sister!

Go back to the station.

Go back to the station!

Wait for me there.

Rose!

Stand back.

Let her get some air.

- Is she all right?

- In a state of shock.

We must take her home in our car.

- What happened to the bear?

- Killed it.

It was thrashing

and rolling in the river,

and trying to get out,

so I took the pitchfork

and I shoved it in its neck,

right in the jugular, first time,

then it twitched all over and

foamed a little at the mouth,

and then it groaned, then it died.

She had a very lucky escape.

Neil, be careful with her.

Stephen, what happened to her?

My lantern went out.

I'm taking you home.

So he grabbed my arm

and said,

"Why are you running away?"

And I said, "Because I didn't

want to see you"

or your stupid

bearded brother, either."

"In fact, you can

both go to hell."

And I slapped his face.

Rose, what have you done?

I'll tell you what I've done.

I've got us an invitation

to dinner at Scotney.

Mrs. Cotton invited us all,

one week today.

And so it was all hands to the pump.

Topaz, haunted by the thought

of Rose's slaps and insults,

has decreed she will dress like

a doll and behave like a lady.

You'll need to learn a slow fox,

a quick-step, a tango,

and how to smoke.

Can't I just do

something sparkling with a fan?

No. I'm already

regretting the crinoline.

One can overdo Victorian charm.

I keep picturing us walking.

I put bluebells in

to get myself in practice,

then I add twilight

and give us things to say.

- It's getting dark.

- I won't let the flame go out.

- Can you smell bluebells?

- I can smell heaven.

And there my imagination

always fails completely.

I obviously don't want

to kiss him at all...

or do I?

Your face has gone really, really red.

Come on, then.

I'm sorry.

I've changed my mind.

Anyway, it's rubbish about him

looking like a Greek god.

From now on, I am going to concentrate

on Rose's quest for love.

We have put the rumba

into our repertoire,

just to be on the safe side.

I was too forthcoming

when they came to call.

I think the problem

was mostly with the tea gown.

What do you mean, the problem's

mostly with the tea gown?

I heard Neil talking to Simon that day.

I was in the hayloft.

What did he say?

He called you an insane broad

in theatrical costume.

He wanted Simon to drop us.

He did, did he?

Well, I shan't forth come again.

- Hold still.

- I'm holding still.

I thought we'd sold this.

They were only pawned.

I got them back.

Are you wearing lipstick

and powder and rouge?

- It makes you look ordinary.

- I mean it to.

I want us to look like a viable

family, Mortmain, for Rose's sake.

I don't want to look exceptional tonight.

If you look exceptional,

I look like someone, too.

You are someone.

Wash your face. Please.

Unpin your hair, give me

something to be proud of.

- May I take your coat, sir?

- Thank you.

Welcome.

It was a highly intellectual gathering.

Aubrey Fox-Cotton

is a cousin and an architect.

He recognized Topaz at once

from a series of avant-garde etchings

she once modeled for.

She was terribly glad

she had taken her disguise off.

I take it you've tasted your

first champagne this evening.

One of life's nicer rites of passage.

What do you think?

It reminds me of very good

ginger beer, without the ginger.

Sweet.

His wife is called Leda.

She wears too much lipstick.

Are you appalled by my table manners?

I just couldn't get the hang

of using all this cutlery

the English way.

Of course, Mother and Simon

find the whole thing divinely elegant.

I tried it, but I thought I was

going to starve to death.

When this hall was originally built,

its occupants ate

with daggers in their fingers.

It'll probably last until the days

when men dine on capsules.

Fancy asking friends over for capsules.

No, the capsules will

be taken in private.

Well, by that time,

eating will become unmentionable,

pictures of food will be

considered rare and curious

and only collected

by rude, old gentlemen.

When I was in the United States,

on my second lecture tour,

they held a banquet for me

in a place called Boulder...

Mr. Mortmain, how long is it since

you actually published anything?

Twelve years.

Is it drink, or do you have

psychological problems?

Mother!

Well, he didn't get up

and run out of the room...

or attack me with a knife.

Malicious wounding.

Not quite a capital offense.

If your assault had been more competent,

I should have been obliged

to bar my door.

Or send your youngest son

after me with a pitchfork.

I always employ shock tactics

with men of genius.

One has to employ them in public,

or the men of genius bolt.

Tell me, are you unique,

or have all American women

become more menacing of late?

You'll find me as menacing

as I need to be, Mr. Mortmain.

Your voice has been silenced long enough.

Well, that's because there can be

no creativity without stimulus.

I'm glad we're of the same opinion.

You're treading on my feet.

So stop making up your own steps.

I didn't ask to dance with you.

You could have refused me.

Thank you.

Thank you. Would you like to

come out to the terrace with me?

- We could take a little air.

- I'm not hot.

Besides, it's a slow dance next.

It is not. It's a rumba.

And I promised it to Simon.

I should have to ask you

to rein me in on this one,

I've been told I rumba

like a rubber ball.

You're much better at leading

than your brother.

Am I?

That's a really unusual

dress you have on.

You mean, you think it's theatrical?

No. No, no, no.

Picturesque and original, certainly,

but not theatrical at all.

Get down.

Go home.

Rose? Rose.

Stephen? Thomas?

- You'll be all right.

- I'm sure I'll be fine.

You come along with me.

We'll get you patched up.

Thank you.

Do they make you nervous?

- My ancestors?

- My family.

I think they're a very charming,

highly individual bunch of...

individuals.

They make me nervous.

Would you like to try it?

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