I Do Page #2

---

and start the whole process again.

No! That's impossible.

I did everything you told me to do.

Well, how long would I have to go back?

I mean, how long would

I have to be in England?

Some of my clients' cases

have been pending for years.

Years?

With a denial on your record,

it'll be almost impossible

for you to get another visa.

You could come here as a tourist.

- A tourist?

- I am so sorry.

Well, what if I was to

overstay, work under-the-table?

Jack, I know your situation.

If they find you living without papers,

they'll deport you right away.

You'd be banned from entering

the states for 10 years.

You wouldn't want to put

your family through that.

I'm not leaving, Gloria.

I shouldn't say this,

but if you have a girlfriend,

now would be a good time to marry her.

I love you, Tara.

You know that?

I know. You say it all the time.

Right.

Come on in.

- Where are you going?

- Nowhere.

I'll be right outside.

Can you leave the door open?

Of course.

- Night-night.

- Night-night.

- She go to sleep?

- Yeah.

Mya, there's something I have to tell you.

Is Tara okay?

Yeah, she's fine.

It's me.

My visa got denied.

What?

I spoke to the lawyer today,

and she told me that the only

choice I have is get married.

Get married?

For my green card.

- You know that's not legal.

- Right.

So... You're not gonna do it.

Jack.

Well, it's not like I want to do it,

but I don't really have a choice.

I mean, what are you and Tara gonna do?

We'll figure something out.

Well, I can't go back to England.

I don't know anyone.

I haven't been there

since I was a teenager.

I don't think that's

gonna fly with the I.N.S.

Well, what about you and Peter?

Well, you married him for his green card.

That's completely

different. We were in love.

Who would you marry?

Well, I was thinking Ali,

and then maybe I thought

me and you could...

You thought we could?

You didn't think about,

what if they caught us?

I could go to prison. What about Tara?

Okay. It was a stupid idea.

- How long do you have?

- Two months.

And you're sure there's no other option?

Then there's overstay.

All right, I don't want Tara

knowing anything about this.

Of course.

Okay, I'll figure it out.

Shut up!

Jack!

Hi!

Hi. Hello. Let me turn the music down.

Okay.

That's better.

What's with the eggs?

Oh, those damn taxis blasting their horns.

Surprised you can hear

them over all the music.

So, I come bearing gifts

with ulterior motives.

It's, uh...

It's red, and it has stature.

Okay. Well.

Uh, you didn't pick this one out, did you?

No, the shop person did.

Very nice.

Very nice.

What do you want?

It jammed.

I tried the whole jiggle thing,

but I think I made it worse.

That happens if you jiggle too much.

That, it does.

Looks like there's some

life in the old girl yet.

You talking about you or the camera?

Charming.

So, how's the little one?

She's fine.

What's up with you?

You look like you got smacked

in the face with a wet fish.

My work visa got denied.

- Oh, Jack.

- Yeah.

But I'm not gonna leave.

Of course not.

I'm gonna get married.

- Who's the lucky guy?

- Very funny.

I was married once, you know.

But I was straight back then.

Sally Anne.

We loved each other, naturally.

But, well, nature took its course.

I remember standing there at the

ceremony thinking my father did this,

his father did this, his father before him.

I felt

my whole ancestry stretching back.

Like that bad Donna summer video...

the one with all the mirrors.

It's true.

It was the first time

I ever felt a connection to

any sense of family of history.

I'm gonna have to give

this a real diagnostic.

Okay.

Remember, Jack, a woman's

heart is infinitely more complex

than a man's.

What are you gonna do?

I need to get married.

Well, who to?

Oh, Jack, me.

I know it's a lot to ask, but

we do it properly, and

we could live together,

and then we'd have all the

right paperwork for immigration.

Look, I know this is totally illegal,

but I don't know what else to do.

I probably wouldn't even still be

living here if it wasn't for you.

I mean, you've

always fought for me to get hired...

every job you do.

That's not because you're

my bestie. It's because

you're bloody good at what you do.

I mean, maybe a little bit

'cause you're my bestie.

There's really no other way?

I'd have to move in with you.

Well, you need a place right now.

To hell with it. Let's do it.

- Really?

- Yes.

Let's do it now, before I change my mind.

Ready?

Alison Bethany Federman,

do you take Jack Edwards to be

your lawfully wedded husband...

to have and to hold,

until death do you part...

According to the laws

of the state of New York?

I do.

Mr. Edwards.

I do.

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Thanks.

- Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait!

- What? What, what? What?

- Come here.

- What?

Ohh! Jack.

You're pretty light for a lesbian.

A**hole!

Wait, Jack, oh!

- Oh.

- I mean, ohh!

Hello, wifey.

This one or this one?

Jack.

That one. The other makes you look too gay.

I like this one.

- Jack!

- What?

Go.

Close the door!

Come on, Ali.

- So, how was school?

- Great.

Hey!

Wondering when we were finally

gonna get to meet your wife.

Sorry. This is Catherine.

- Hi. I'm Alison.

- Hi.

We were trying to figure him out for weeks.

We called him the dill.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah.

Nice to meet you. I'd better go.

Right.

I'm hungry.

You ready to ace this test?

What's "ace" mean?

It means we're gonna

get every answer right.

- Okay.

- 100%.

- Ready, Freddy?

- Ready, Freddy.

Okay, what's this.

Uh... Mommy, I don't think

we'll get this one right.

Deltoid. That's an easy one.

It's the shoulder. What's this?

Arm.

That's the bicep,

which is connected to the

flexor digitorum superficialis.

The arm.

What's this?

Nose.

Well, this is totally useless.

- You want me to help?

- Please.

This is why I could never be a nurse.

There's no way I could

learn all this stuff.

So, Ali...

is it true that dress sizes

have been artificially lowered

to make us think we're skinnier?

Yeah.

Actually, they've been

doing that for years.

You know what really gets me,

is the size zero.

I can't believe anybody falls for it.

I mean, surely you would just

make the adjustments in your head

and figure out you're exactly the same

skinniness or fatness that you were before.

Do men notice dress sizes?

I do.

Uncle Jack?

Yes, Tara?

Are you and Ali married now?

Why would you say a thing like that?

Because I saw matching

rings on your wedding finger.

Ring finger.

They just got similar styles, honey.

Well, she's gonna find out at some point.

Find out what?

Uh, me and Ali are married.

But you like boys.

Right.

Um, but we're not really married.

Sweetheart, you remember when I told you

that Uncle Jack is originally from England?

You said he was from a island

off the coast of Europe.

Yeah... England.

Even though Uncle Jack has been

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes