I Kill Giants

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1

Uh-huh, so that's just for the nose job.

Oh! The cheeks as well.

Oh, that seems more reasonable.

All right, I'll call you back.

Thank you. Hi, Sam!

- Sir.

- You wanted to talk to me about...

Uh, the marathon. The Portland

Marathon is this weekend.

Ah, you know I love a marathon!

Starting with the logo for the race...

- Oh.

- You'll see the runner

and the globe, 'cause

we're a global city.

- I love it!

- Yeah.

For those that finish the race,

they get this coin.

Oh, I love a novelty coin.

And just the last little

detail here is the route.

- Hate it.

- What?

Everything else you brought

me filled me with excitement,

but this... this...

I mean, from a bird's eye view,

it looks like a soggy cereal flake.

No, no, no, let's forget

this amorphous shape.

And let's give this city a route

they can really appreciate.

Let's make the route a blooming rose!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Toni, I don't understand.

You're just gonna leave me all

alone here in Portland? Why?

Candace, I'm just gone for a few days.

You're gonna be fine.

I'm not gonna be fine.

- Are you gonna miss me?

- Of course.

I'm gonna think about you

every second of every minute

of every hour of every single day, Toni.

That is really scary and very sweet,

but try to focus on

something else, okay?

- Bye.

- Bye, Toni, bye! Good-bye!

[SOBBING]

Oh, hi, Dolly You're Dolly?

Candace?

You're my new best friend!

Welcome!

You look a little bit different

from your Airbnb profile photo.

Oh, that's Cate Blanchett.

My sister told me that she

didn't live in Portland!

Well, your sister's a

stupid idiot, come on.

You got wheels on that, right?

Yes.

This is so lovely. Thank you so

much for letting me stay here.

It's my pleasure.

I can't wait to share my life with you

and to become entwined

with you at every level.

Well, I'll just... just

be here for a week.

Okay. You really are fit, aren't you?

How do you stay in shape

to run these marathons?

What I do is really just

focus on being positive

and then I just see running as

an extension of my optimism.

Like all of life! I just relish it.

Wow, that's fascinating.

The only thing I'm positive about

is how dumb 1,000% of human beings are.

I'm telling you, if I didn't

carry so much hate in my heart

for humanity, I'd be dead.

It gives me a reason to wake up.

I don't really see...

see the use in anger.

I... I like to see the good...

I just want to take wallpaper

paste and gift wrapping paper

and just put it over everyone's face.

Don't you ever feel like that?

No.

Well, let me poison and corrupt you.

[PHONE CHIMES]

[PHONE VIBRATING]

Less than five horrific

things have happened

in the last 24 hours.

I know, so stressful.

Look at my skin.

I know, me too.

Stress.

[PHONE VIBRATING]

"Long distance running

shown to alleviate stress."

Did you read this?

- Yeah, I saw it earlier.

- Huh.

Hey, isn't the Portland

Marathon coming up?

I think so.

What if we tried that?

Yeah, we could.

I don't think you just jump into that.

We might need, like, a trainer.

Definitely.

All right, I can look

one up, I just, ah,

I really need to pop this zit first.

Sure.

Ow! Ow!

There you go, Sam. Just

the way you like it.

Thank you, sir.

Now, in order to

complete the Rose Route,

we're gonna need to close

down Mohawk Street

between Colombia and Lombard.

We're also gonna need...

Look, I'm sure we can all agree

on how creative and beautiful

a rose-shaped running route is,

but in order for you to gain access,

we're gonna have to get

something in return.

This is a quid pro quo situation, sir.

Ah, yes.

Look, they're building this monstrosity

right in our backyard.

The neighborhood doesn't

need another condo.

Lose this,

and you'll get access to the

streets for your marathon.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

Deal.

We would be losing a lot

of brunch business.

What if we diverted a

block over, to Michigan?

If you stop this construction,

I think Michigan would work.

They say it depends on who

the Trailblazers are playing.

It's gonna be hard to get

tickets for Golden State,

but definitely for Sacramento.

We'll take the Blazers tickets.

And there's this big apartment complex

- going in on...

- No more condos. You got it!

Dan, this is great.

Good morning.

Who wants a little delicious breakf...

Dolly?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Isn't it kind of early for

a game of hide and seek?

Dolly! Dolly!

[SOBBING] Your breakfast

is ready, Dolly!

It's me, Candace, your best friend!

Oh!

[EXHALES]

Okay!

Let's start off real simple.

How about a, uh...

Just a jog in place?

Okay? Ready? Go!

Okay, great. Great, great, great.

I'm gonna be honest with you.

Carrie, you have a

natural runner's gait.

I mean, you look like a

gazelle when you move.

And I see a lot of potential in you.

Fred, I don't think that

running is for you.

So I encourage you to just take

the whole idea of personal fitness,

and just throw it out the window.

- Cool.

- Thank you.

So what I like to do with new clients

is just see what your fitness goals are.

I guess we've just become

news junkies, basically.

- [PHONE CHIMES]

- And it's very stressful.

So we're looking to get

in shape, but also

to try to find something

else to focus on...

- [PHONE BUZZES]

- aside from the news.

And we were thinking

that we could work up

to running the Portland Marathon.

- Wow!

- Mm-hmm.

Well, I think that

with enough hard work,

- and one on one time, Carrie...

- Mm-hmm.

And I can get you there.

- That's great.

- And me too?

Yeah, I don't know, I'm not sure.

One thing you should know

about us is that we...

don't love sustained physical activity.

That is actually really common.

So how do people run marathons, then?

Um, have you ever had a runner's high?

No.

Well, if you push

yourself hard enough...

- Mm-hmm.

- And long enough...

The bod just takes you

to a whole other place.

And all those feelings

of stress, pain, worry,

all those distractions,

they just start to melt away

with every bead of sweat.

And you know what's left?

[TRANQUIL MUSIC]

Magic!

I want that.

I want to give it to you.

[GASPS]

- What?

- Turkey!

It's dead.

Whoa, the whole country?

Oh, no. "A turkey."

I'm so sorry. I alarmed everybody.

"A turkey is dead."

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Just one more piece of the puzzle, Sam!

This bridge completes the Rose Route.

Now, we are prepared to offer...

There's only one thing I really want.

Anything, anything. Just ask.

How 'bout you stop building

ugly condos in my sightline.

Morrison Bridge is yours.

[TENSE MUSIC]

[BELL DINGS]

Hey, Candace, oh my God!

There's the most brilliant loop to

run over that way. Have you done it?

Do you know how long I've

been looking for you?

- I made you breakfast...

- Oh.

Out of the goodness of my own budget.

With my hands!

Do you think I enjoy making

breakfast for other people?

- No.

- I do!

But, honey, when you say

you're gonna be there,

you...

have to be there!

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