I Love You, Alice B. Toklas!

Synopsis: Peter Sellers stars as Harold Fine, a self-described square--a 35-year-old Los Angeles Lawyer who is not looking forward to middle age and his upcoming wedding. His life changes, however, when he falls in love with Nancy, a free-spirited, innocent, and beautiful young hippie. After Harold and his family enjoy some of her "groovy" brownies, he decides to "drop out" with her and become a hippie too. But can he return to his old life when he discovers that the hippie lifestyle is just a little too independent and irresponsible for his tastes?
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Hy Averback
Production: WARNER BROTHERS PICTURES
  Nominated for 1 Golden Globe. Another 4 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.3
Rotten Tomatoes:
17%
APPROVED
Year:
1968
92 min
225 Views


Flower in the crannied wall

I pluck you out of the crannies

I hold you here, root and all, in my hand

Little flower...

But if I could understand

What you are, root and all, and all in all

I should know what God and man is.

- Beautiful. Is that Ginsberg?

- No, Tennyson.

But if I could understand

What you are, root and all, and all in all

I should know what God and man is.

So to know God, to know man...

...you first have to know

what a flower is.

A flower.

But how can you know

what a flower is...

...unless you know who you are?

Who are you?

Do you know who you are?

We must find a way...

...to send our love messages

to them...

...before it's too late.

We must turn them on to love.

Send them love flowers.

Turn them into love junkies.

We must hug and kiss them

in the streets...

... in their houses, in their offices,

in their minds.

Harold.

Do you know

what happened this time?

- What?

- The earth moved for me.

Like in Hemingway.

Did the earth move for you?

No, I don't think so.

I didn't satisfy you?

Of course you satisfied me.

It was just that the earth

didn't move this time, that's all.

But it has moved in the past?

Oh, Joyce, you know,

many times, many times.

- When?

- Well...

You know, a couple

of weeks ago, it moved.

We must psychedelicize

their impoverished dreams.

Teach them how to live again.

Make them stop playing

the ego game.

Teach them how to die

so that they can be born again.

So that they can become

a flower again.

Harold?

Is your asthma bothering you?

I have a little tickle right now, yeah.

Harold?

- Do you wanna get married or not?

- Sure.

Well, then let's name a date.

I gave you an area.

An area is certainly not a date.

I know what an area is,

and I know what a date is...

...and an area is not a date.

- All right.

- I'll tell you something.

You've given me

enough areas in my life...

...but I have yet

to get a date from you.

I know from areas,

but what I want is a date.

Okay, when do you wanna

get married?

How about Thanksgiving?

Hey, look at that.

- What is that?

- Somebody...

Whose car is that?

I'm pinned in here. I can't get out.

Oh, my goodness.

Who would do a dumb thing like that?

- Well, that's stupid.

- Terrible.

You could maybe try to get out,

do you think, Harold?

- Harold?

- Help me back up.

- Sure, I will, darling.

- Because I'll never make it.

You know, Harold, my parents

were married on Thanksgiving.

I thought maybe

it would make them happy...

...if we had the same anniversary.

Go right, Harold. Try to go right.

- Yeah, okay.

- Turn to the right.

- Gee, I don't think you're gonna make it.

- I'll try.

- Well, try. Yes.

- Well, I can get right up close to it.

All right, keep going to the right.

- What?

- Harold, come on, now.

You're gonna hit that car.

Where is that son of a b*tch?

Look at that. I'm pinned in.

Harold, what about Thanksgiving?

- For what?

- For what? For our wedding.

Can you imagine somebody...

...leaving a car like that

in a situation like this?

Boy, that is really smart.

Boy, that is really a clever way

to change the subject.

Don't be paranoid, Joyce.

I didn't make this situation.

Are you crazy or something?

Take me home.

- Oh, that's great. That's great.

- What?

I'm pinned in. I can't move.

Take her home. Where are you?

Harold, you could move

if you wanted to move...

...because man is the master

of his own existence.

You're afraid.

You are afraid to move, Harold.

Now, look, Harold.

Harold, I have made

my commitment to you.

I have given you my mind...

...and my body.

Joyce.

I am 33 years old. Now, that's not

an easy thing for me to say.

Will you please stop talking

for just one minute?

- Help me push this car out of the way.

- I just wanna know one thing, Harold.

- One thing, is all I wanna know.

- What?

Am I going to be your wife, or am I

going to continue to be your concubine?

- Don't give me that concubine stuff.

- It's all right.

- What is it going to be?

- You think I'm an Arab or something?

That's funny. Just to be funny now.

I'm asking you to answer my question.

Harold, you give me

an answer now or it's over.

Will you just help me?

Otherwise, we're gonna be

stuck here.

Self. You always think of yourself.

- I'm helping you now.

- You're not helping me.

- Put your hand behind...

- I had my hand here.

- What do you want me to do?

- When I tell you, push.

- Now, push when I say push.

- I'm doing that.

Now, I'm releasing the hand brake.

Now, push.

How about Labor Day?

For what?

For getting married.

Harold!

Oh, Harold!

Oh, Harold!

We're getting married. Labor Day?

You happy?

- Are you happy?

- Yeah, yeah.

I can let you use this

until we fix you up.

- You sure this is all you have?

- Yep. Belongs to my kid.

He was supposed

to take the night shift.

Big shot ran off to San Francisco

with a colored girl.

My wife's going crazy.

But, I mean,

I can't drive around in this.

I have to go to my office.

I have to go to court tomorrow.

I'm sorry,

that's all I've got, Mr. Fine.

And then suddenly,

tonight it all fell into place.

And he was...

He was like a man, Mama.

You know what I mean?

He was a man

who knew what he wanted.

Look, relax, she'll run fine.

- She'll run fine, don't worry about it.

- Yeah.

And jiggle the key when you get in.

- Harold, my mother is hysterical.

- Yeah?

What kind of a car is this?

It's all they have.

What? Are you telling me

that this is all that you have?

- I'm sorry. That's all we've got.

- Harold, come on, this is ridiculous.

It's only for two days, Joyce.

Well, you live long enough,

you see everything.

- Listen, Harold...

- Make sure you have my car soon.

- Leave that to me.

- Maybe we can get her to cater a dinner.

She may smoke a little,

but don't worry about it.

I was thinking

maybe a wedding breakfast.

You know, like Marilyn Bachrach had.

Good morning, Mr. Fine.

- Hiya, Harold.

- Good morning, Murray.

Hey, I finally beat Jerry Ritzlin, 7-5.

My serve is starting to work for me.

And my elbow doesn't hurt anymore,

which means I am now hitting it right.

You know I was serving

with a bent elbow?

That's what screwed me up.

But now... coming straight over.

You okay, kid?

I'm fine.

- No, I'm okay.

- You've got that look.

What look?

You know, when you get fakakta.

Joyce and I

are getting married Labor Day.

That's great. That is just great.

I think it's the right move.

The right move?

You should've done it two years ago.

Labor Day, huh? No harm.

You are getting

a wonderful woman in Joycie.

Good morning, Mr. Burns.

Good morning, Mr. Fine.

Good morning.

Come here, you beautiful creature.

Oh, Murray.

I'm gonna attack you

before the wedding.

Oh, he told you. He told you.

- Half a cup of black, Joycie.

- Alrighty.

- Are the Rodriguezes here?

- They're in the other office.

- All right.

- Could I see you for a minute?

Would you prepare the Rodriguez file,

please, Joyce.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Paul Mazursky

Irwin Lawrence "Paul" Mazursky (April 25, 1930 – June 30, 2014) was an American film director, screenwriter, and actor. Known for his dramatic comedies that often dealt with modern social issues, he was nominated for five Academy Awards: three times for Best Original Screenplay, once for Best Adapted Screenplay, and once for Best Picture for An Unmarried Woman (1978). Other films written and directed by Mazursky include Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice (1969), Blume in Love (1973), Harry and Tonto (1974), Moscow on the Hudson (1984), and Down and Out in Beverly Hills (1986). more…

All Paul Mazursky scripts | Paul Mazursky Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "I Love You, Alice B. Toklas!" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/i_love_you,_alice_b._toklas!_10503>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    I Love You, Alice B. Toklas!

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.


    Quiz

    Are you a screenwriting master?

    »
    Which film won the Academy Award for Best Picture in 2018?
    A Green Book
    B La La Land
    C Moonlight
    D The Shape of Water