I Love You, Daddy

---

So, what did you

want to talk about?

China wanted me to talk

to you about something.

Okay.

She wants to come and live with me

for the rest of her senior year.

She said that?

Yes. And she wanted me to tell you.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Look, I don't know why it is.

And I don't think it has

anything to do with you.

- So...

- I know it doesn't.

I know it doesn't have

anything to do with me.

No, it doesn't, so, good that

you know that.

This is just all kinds of bullshit.

Whoa, Aura.

Of course, she wants

to come live with you.

You have a giant f***ing apartment.

I live in a shithole.

And you have the Hamptons

and the plane.

Well, none of that is my fault.

You divorced me while I was a loser,

so you lost.

Oh, sh*t. Wow.

I take that back.

Yeah, you're just gonna

say that to me?

- I take it back.

- You can't take it back

and neither can she.

Can we get the check?

Great, Edward.

That's great.

Well, I'm really glad

that you like it.

No, I'm excited too.

I'm excited too.

I am excited.

Okay, well, this is great.

We'll start staffing up next week.

Okay.

Okay.

Thank you, Edward.

Thank you very much.

They picked it up?

Twelve episodes.

What the f***, dude?

You're a f***ing machine, man!

What the f***? Wow!

That's- don't shrug,

come on, f*** you.

This is amazing, man.

Y-you got a show on the air.

You got another one coming.

F*** you, dude.

I mean, it's like

you can make sh*t, right?

You can literally like, you could

hand in sh*t to these guys.

You know what I mean,

give 'em a big pile of sh*t,

they'd be like, "that looks good,

let's put it on the air."

I guess.

I-I-ff-I mean, you guess?

these guys f***ing love you, man.

How do you even know

your shows are even any good?

What, you think they're

not good anymore?

You think I'm making

bad shows now?

No, what do I know? Good, bad.

I'm just f***ing proud of you, man.

Well, thank you. I'm pretty happy.

And seriously, f*** you.

'Cause when you think about it,

f*** you, dude.

It's out of control!

You're unbelievable, man.

Hi, Daddy.

Hi!

- Hey, China.

- Hi, Ralph.

- How are you?

- I'm good.

Hi, honey.

So, you're uh, you're back?

Oh, no, I'm still in Florida.

Nice.

When did you-when'd you get back?

Uh, this morning.

Oh, this is...I came home today

so I can pick you up

at the airport tomorrow.

Well, you don't have to now.

Did you have a good time?

Yeah.

Good.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna go

to my room, Daddy. I love you.

I love you.

What's wrong?

I don't... she never tells me

anything anymore.

Well, she was just on spring break.

So, what does that mean?

Well, she's sparing you.

You don't wanna hear about that.

Spring break?

You know what goes on down there?

Yeah, I know the basic idea, but

China's not like that.

Oh, man, I know this one guy

who was in Fort Lauderdale last year.

And he had all these

spring breakers in his hotel.

And let me tell ya,

they had some

f***ed up sh*t going on.

No, I-I've heard about it.

I know about that stuff.

They got this one thing, man, where

like 50 guys all jack off into a beer.

And then if a girl

drinks the whole beer,

she gets to blow all the guys

who came in it.

- Jesus Christ, Ralph.

- I-I know, right?

And there's another one called um...

oh, it's called "Mother, may I?"

Where one girl,

and it's usually the ugliest chick.

you know, she plays "mother".

And all the guys will line up naked,

and the girls will line up naked.

And the guys'll be like,

"Mother, may I f*** this chick?"

And she'll be like, "Yes, you may,

yes, you may.

"But only

if you lick this guy's a**hole."

Or whatever, so you

gotta do the gross thing.

And then you get to do the um...

the good thing, I guess.

It's called, "Mother, may I?"

I get it, Ralph, I get it.

What I'm saying is that,

that's not like China.

She's not like that.

She's not a "spring breaker."

No, no, you're right.

No, I'm sure she's th-th-the

one hot girl in a bikini who-

who went to spring break

and spent the whole time

at the library.

Okay, okay.

- Ralph. Ralph!

- I'll see ya, buddy.

Hi, hun.

Hi, Daddy.

How are you?

Oh, thanks for asking.

I'm really good, actually.

Ah, they picked up my show.

Huh! They did?

Mm-hmm.

Dad, that's so great!

What show?

The one about the nurses?

Oh.

Did you have a good time?

- In Florida?

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.

- Good. Good.

Hey, Daddy, could I go back there

next week?

Back to Florida?

Yeah.

I mean, I just wanna see

some people that I met there.

You mean Florida people?

Yeah.

What about school?

I mean, Daddy, it's senior year.

After spring break, you don't

even do anything so, who cares?

I don't know.

It's okay. It's okay

if you say no. I just...

Not a big deal.

Well, I don't wanna just say no,

I'm just trying to vet the situation.

Daddy, it's really okay.

It's not a big deal. I just...

thought about it.

Well, if you-if you wanna go...

Could I take the jet?

The jet?

Yeah, just so I don't

have to go to the airport

and deal with the whole security thing.

- And the line, they're so long, Dad.

- I don't-try to understand, I don't own a jet.

I have a card

where I have time on a jet.

Okay, what about when you just

take off for the day somewhere?

Seems to me like you can use it

whenever you want to.

Okay, will you-look,

we can talk about that, okay?

- Okay. Okay.

- We'll talk about it.

Also, like I said, it really is not

a big deal if you say no.

I just would love to go.

And if I'm allowed to go,

I would much rather go on the jet.

Got it.

- Okay, I love you.

- I love you.

- Hey, China.

- Yeah?

Have you, uh, have you thought

at all about what you're gonna do?

With your life?

I don't know, Daddy.

Okay, w-w-we'll talk about it, okay?

Yeah.

Hi.

Hey, can you look into uh,

availability on a jet

for next week?

Just find out if there's any days

it's not being used.

Yes, no, for me, I mean...

Yeah, just... okay? Yeah, thanks.

Yeah?

The fat one is here.

Oh, okay.

Should I let her in?

Oh, I guess she's here, so...

Yes, sir, I already let her in.

Yup, thanks, Albert.

Hey, Maggie.

Glen.

What is up?

- Nothin'

- Awesome.

Maggie?

Hi, baby!

Maggie!

Oh, my God! Look at you.

You got so f***ing tan.

F*** off!

Baby!

It's March in New York and you

look like a schwoogie came all over you.

- Oh.

- Maggie.

What's a schwoogie?

It's Jewish for n*gger.

No, it's not!

- Yes, it is.

- Maggie.

But not in a bad way.

Wait, Maggie, I miss you.

- I miss you so much.

- I miss you, I miss you too.

- Sweetheart.

- Why don't I ever see you anymore?

Well, that's your stupid dad's fault

for breaking up with me.

Ugh!

I did not break up with you.

No, no, you totally married me.

Totally.

Chine, go put on some clothes,

I'm gonna take you to lunch.

And then we're gonna go buy some

stuff with your dad's credit card.

Okay. I can go like this though.

No, honey.

I don't wanna get poked in the

face by every boner in New York.

Go throw on a burqa or something.

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