I Love You to Death Page #5

- $400.

He's practically got one foot in the grave.

$550. What do you say?

If we're gonna waste the dude...

...we ought to get paid for it, man.

That's the American way, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, we're not...

...communists here. We're Americans.

We got a right to make a living.

$500. That's my final offer.

You tell him.

Okay.

How you feeling, Joey?

A little tired.

- You're real sick, baby.

- Yeah. Maybe I sleep.

- What's happening? Where am I?

- You got a virus, honey. It's okay.

A virus. Oh, yes. I forgot.

- Can you see anything?

- No.

Wait a minute.

- Here is something.

- What?

It's a cab. It can't be for us.

- Do you want a bite?

- No.

Who are these guys?

- $8.50, please.

- What's going on?

The meter. Give me $8.50.

- What are they doing?

- I don't know.

They're going someplace else.

Guys!

Over here.

Where are you going? It's over here.

Rosalie!

It's me.

You took a taxi.

- How could you do that?

- What's wrong?

- You came here to kill Joey.

- So what?

It's not considered a very good idea

to take a taxi to the scene of a crime.

Hey, man, look. Be cool, okay?

I mean, you know,

the dude's only a taxi driver.

He's not like what's his name.

- What's his name?

- Who?

You know.

Yeah, right.

Look, never mind.

Forget it. It's done. Okay?

This is Rosalie, Joey's wife,

and this is Rosalie's mother.

- Harlan, Marlon.

- Be careful.

Nice to meet you.

How's it going?

Would you like some coffee or tea

or something to eat before you-?

Well, before you get started?

No.

Thanks.

We're cool.

Excuse me, Harlan, Marlon.

Just for one second, I'd like to

have a word with Devo over here.

- They look like drug addicts.

- They are drug addicts.

- Oh, my God! You hired drug addicts?

- Who did you expect, the Red Cross?

- They seem like very polite boys.

- I don't like addicts in my house.

Don't think of them as drug

addicts. Think of them as killers.

How can a kangaroo

give birth to a human baby?

It's a miracle. It says so right here.

Is that legal?

You know...

...having sex with a kangaroo?

Here it is.

Sorry.

Twenty-two calibre.

Not much of a gun.

- What do you mean?

- Well, it's kind of small, you know?

- Not much pop.

- Well, that's all we've got.

Yeah, this is our gun.

Put on some music, okay?

Make it real loud so it drowns

out the noise of the gunshot.

In the back, on the right.

In the corner. See the lamp? Door.

- What is that for?

- I don't know.

- Just in case, you know, if he wakes up.

- Okay.

You ready?

Yeah, I guess.

How about you, Joey? You ready?

- Let's do it.

- Harlan.

What?

I never killed nobody before.

He's already half-dead.

Even so...

...I mean...

...you know-

I never killed nobody neither.

So what? How hard can it be?

I mean, alls we do is...

...we read him his rights

and then kill him.

- What are you doing?

- Looking for a record.

- Mama, any record will do.

- I'm looking for Johnny Mathis. I love him.

- Play this one.

- What?

Madonna! No, Rosalie, please.

You know I love Johnny Mathis.

Where's the f***ing music?

I don't know.

I don't wanna sit here all night.

Rosalie.

- Look at that.

- What?

That's a Reggie Jackson model.

Oh, yeah.

Reggie.

Reggie! Reggie! Reggie!

- I love Reggie.

- Me too, man.

- He's the greatest.

- How many homers has he hit?

I mean, lifetime.

Sh*t, man.

Wow.

F***.

A bunch.

Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie!

They wanna hear reggae music.

- Reggae?

- Yes.

It's right here somewhere. I know it is.

- I'll be waiting outside.

- Why?

Because I can't stand this anymore.

What is reggae music?

I'm gonna shoot this dude.

I'm sick of waiting.

Where you gonna shoot him?

Right here. What do you think,

I'm gonna take him downtown?

No. I mean, where on his body?

Well, I don't know. His heart, I guess.

Which side is that on? His heart?

Sh*t, man.

I don't know. It's in there somewhere.

I don't hear nothing.

Wait a minute.

School.

- What?

- School, man. Pledge allegiance.

Oh, yeah.

- Hand over your heart.

- Yeah, right.

I pledge allegiance to the flag

of the United States of America.

And to the republic...

- ... under one invisible nation...

- To nations under God whose...

...spacious skies and amber

graves of liberty for all...

...deliver us from freedom.

- Harlan.

- What?

I can't watch this, man.

P*ssy.

This side. This side.

F***!

You're supposed to put

it on before the shot!

Yeah, they shoot too fast.

- Well?

- Well, what?

- Is he dead?

- Of course, man. What do you think?

I shot him.

What's the matter? What happened?

She's upset. She'll be all right.

I thought she wanted him dead.

What did we do, man?

Did we kill the wrong person?

No, no. No, she'll be all right.

We leave her alone now.

It's the shock, you know. The music.

- I could use a drink.

- Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. Good idea. Come.

What should we drink to?

Here's to Joey.

That's cool.

It's wrong. It's wrong.

Oh, dear Lord.

Please help me, God. I never

should have done this thing.

I never should have

sinned this way. I never-

Whatever you do to me,

God, please bring Joey back.

Rosalie.

What?

What?

What?

What are you doing here?

I was praying. I thought...

- Praying?

- Yeah.

Rosalie...

...I'm not that sick.

- I got what? A little virus. That's all.

- Joey.

What are you doing up?

I heard a noise like firecracker

or something. Woke me up.

Jesus.

Rosalie, how come you don't...?

You know...

...we have company. You're not

feeding them. What's the matter?

We got no food in the house, or what?

They're not hungry, Joey.

They don't want anything to eat.

I don't know-

Do I know everybody?

Yeah.

Well...

- Is he okay?

- Yeah.

I'm Marlon-

I mean, I'm William.

I'm William Brown.

I'm Louie...

...James. No.

No, wait.

Louie...

- Smith?

- Smith.

Joey's Pizza.

Some cheese and crackers?

Maybe some pretzels, huh?

How are you feeling, Joey?

You feeling all right?

Thank you.

- What?

- Feeling okay?

No, I don't feel so hot. No.

Hello, Devo.

Honey. Joey...

...you shouldn't be out of bed.

You got a bad virus. Come on.

You're telling me.

It's killing me, this virus.

Well, good night, everybody.

Joey, pull your pants up.

Nice to meet you.

Sure they're not hungry?

- I'm positive, baby.

- We could send out for Chinese.

- No, they don't want anything.

- We got spaghetti.

I am very disappointed.

Nice guys.

- You okay?

- What?

- Got any meatballs left?

- What, are you hungry?

Could eat a little something.

Get my strength back.

Come on. Sorry.

- What time is it?

- It's late.

You should try to sleep.

You take good care of me,

Rosalie. I know you do.

You're my husband.

Rosalie.

Yeah.

Joey, no. No, not now. Come on.

Just lie quietly. Okay?

This is only 200.

We was promised 5.

For killing him, 5.

For wounding him, 2.

You wanted me to shoot

him, right? So I shot him.

You woke him up.

What good is that?

Okay.

Next time we do this, we're

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