I Melt with You Page #2

- Come on.

- Amongst friends.

I don't think I can stay here.

When you told me,

it just sounded like

you should f***ing

get it off your chest, you know.

- I mean, you...

- What?

It was a one-time-only

thing.

And the girl came in

late in the day.

She was pretty,

to say the least,

and it had been a while for me.

And I... used

anesthesia on her.

Yeah. Let's skip

to the part

where you sent

the receptionist home.

I did things.

I mean, I basically

lost control.

And looking back on it,

I really feel that

I shouldn't have...

Oh, you f***er! F*** you!

Alley-oop!

Slam dunk, motherf***er!

The man said childhood

It's in his childhood...

Hey, f***in' Scarface, how about

a little on this end of the table?

- Come on.

- It was out of control

I had the opinion

it was out of control

Oh, oh...

It was that girl Emily.

She lived in the house

next to us.

Yeah, yeah.

And who was the guy?

- It was Simon... Simon Tuller.

- No, no, no, it wasn't.

You know, I actually

f***ed Emily, just... and who else?

- Guilty as charged.

- I didn't.

- She gave me crabs.

- She gave you the crabs?

I f***ed her boyfriend

Jeff Snyder.

Oh, great. Well played.

- That's so f***ing funny...

- What?

because when

I f***ed Emily, I gave her crabs,

which basically means

I gave you the crabs!

Hey, f*** off!

I banged her...

when I banged her,

I knew that I had

the f***ing crabs.

There you go, mac.

Here, take them back.

Here are your crabs back,

you f***.

The gift that keeps giving, huh?

You still have 'em, sir?

You know how to get rid of 'em?

By the way, this is true.

You take a really good,

good lighter,

and you shave one testicle,

and you light

the other testicle on fire.

- The critters run from...

- Critters!

the burning testicle

onto the shaved one.

Okay, and then

you take an ice pick,

and you just jam it

into the f***ers!

Aah, aah!

True.

Is it possible

to have a conversation

that's a little more serious?

- No, no!

- No!

- Come on.

- F*** that.

That's what

I f***in' hate, man.

Is people... we...

we can no longer

do and say the things

that make us feel good.

Yeah, that's what

I'm talking about.

Are you saying

that doing and saying

stupid things

makes you feel good?

You know what

I'm talking about.

Like, when we get past 40,

we can no longer be honest

about what makes us laugh.

And if you're

a father, forget it.

You show any immaturity,

you lose all credibility.

Oh, come on.

Blah, blah, blah.

- Come on, that's pathetic.

- You are pathetic, Ron, because...

- What?

- You don't need to participate

in a conversation

that might be illuminating

because you're such

a powerful man.

Oh, no, that's not

f***ing it, by the way.

I am here to talk

about Volvos...

- vulvas.

- Volvos!

- I got one of those.

- And schlongs.

Happy birthday

to you, Timothy!

Happy birthday!

Yeah!

Happy birthday, baby.

Happy birthday, Timmy.

- Look at that.

- She's got a beard.

Of course she does.

Look it, she's got

a man-gina.

- See? I didn't forget about you.

- You never do.

I love you, pal. Happy birthday.

I guess I can die now.

Do it when no one else

is around, please.

- Thanks, guys.

- We're all glad you were born.

- Happy birthday.

- Timmy!

Here's to us.

- Us band of brothers!

- Yeah!

Whoo!

I wanna be adored

I wanna, I wanna

I wanna be adored

I wanna, I wanna

I wanna be adored

I wanna, I wanna

I gotta be adored

I wanna be adored.

Why do you dislike

rock 'n' roll so much?

These days, it's a disease.

It's a plague.

It's been going on

for too long.

It's history.

It's not achieving anything.

It's just digression.

They play rock 'n' roll

at airports.

It's about as, like,

advanced as it can possibly get.

But there was a time

when you didn't feel that way.

It is too much like

a structure, a church...

- Yeah, but there was a...

- Man #2:
a religion, a farce.

A time when you

did not feel that way.

- What made you change...

- No, I've always felt this way.

Even when you were working

with the Sex Pistols?

I wondered when

you'd get round to that one.

- Ahh.

- Yes, even then,

because the Sex Pistols

was going to be

the absolute end

of rock 'n' roll,

which I thought it was.

Unfortunately,

the majority of the public,

being the senile animals that they are,

got that wrong.

Where did the name

the Sex Pistols come from?

Who thought that name up?

Some animal.

I can't remember.

It doesn't matter.

It's history.

Well, I think history

matters a little bit.

When you say "some animal,"

was this a member of the band...

History does not matter.

I mean, your program

is called "Tomorrow."

There must be a reason

behind that.

Well, unless we remember

our yesterdays,

there will be no tomorrows.

Getting back

to the public image...

Charlie don't surf,

and we think he should

Charlie don't surf

And you know

that it ain't no good

Charlie don't surf

for his hamburger mama

Charlie's gonna be

a napalm star

The reign of the superpowers

must be over

So many armies

can't free the earth

So, soon the rock

will roll over

Africa is choking

on their Coca-Cola

It's a one-way street

in a one-horse town

One-way people

starting to brag around

You can laugh,

put them down

These one-way people

gonna blow us down

'Cause Charlie don't surf,

and we think he should

Charlie don't surf

And you know

that it ain't no good

Charlie don't surf

for his hamburger mama

Charlie's gonna be

a napalm star...

Charlie don't surf,

he'll never learn

Charlie don't surf

though he's got a gun

Charlie don't surf,

think that he should

Charlie don't surf...

We really think

that he should

Charlie don't surf

Charlie don't surf.

Whoo!

- That was mine!

- F*** you.

- English Beat.

- "Twist and Crawl."

- Whoo!

- Depeche Mode.

- Uh, "Personal Jesus."

- The Cure.

- "Boys Don't Cry."

- "Killing an Arab."

- X.

- Uh, "Johnny Hit and Run Paulene."

And I win, 'cause I got

Timmy, you all right

down there?

Wanna go for a ride?

Now!

Come on.

Come on.

Whoo!

Come on, Timmy.

More, more!

- Gotta get a hard-on.

- I can't! This is so bad!

F***, yeah!

F*** you!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Come on, faster!

Let's go faster.

Yeah!

Whoa, whoa!

Whoo-hoo!

Ho ho!

This is really hard.

Whoa, whoa! No!

- Are you dead?

- Oh.

- F***!

- Oh, f***.

F***.

- Come on.

- Hold on, how do I...

Come on.

I'll radio for help.

To the dunes, man.

- How are they gonna find us?

- They'll find us.

The best swimsuit

of all time...

- Cheryl Tiegs in the...

- The big areolas, like ka-kaw!

- Yeah, exactly.

- F***in' ka-kaw!

- She's wearing a hammock.

- Here's what I miss, okay.

- Yes.

- I miss p*ssy hair.

Yeah?

- Is that so f***ing wrong?

- No.

Everybody looks like

a f***ing Barbie doll.

You know, you don't want

to have a f***ing machete

and get in there and just...

night vision goggles and sh*t.

You want a clean runway.

- Oh, yeah.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes