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I Want Candy
- R
- Year:
- 2007
- 87 min
- 135 Views
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today to mourn
the passing of a devoted husband,
a loving father, a doting grandfather
and loyal friend.
I was lucky enough
to spend some time with Arthur
towards the end of his illness
and, despite the sad circumstances,
I always looked forward to those visits,
knowing that I would be greeted
with the joy and happiness
for which he and Irene were so...
Look, I'm sorry, this won't do.
This family is grieving.
You need to show some more respect.
This family has paid
for a high-quality funeral video.
A lasting memory of a fond farewell.
I got you as far as, "I always used
to look forward to the visits."
Look, go away.
Piss off!
Yeah, Bags, I think we've got enough.
This family needs some space to grieve.
OK.
Good job. Thanks, everyone,
for your patience.
That's great. Could you not look
directly in the camera?
I told you to piss off!
Hey, Baggy! Wait up!
Bags!
All right?
So, good news.
Fat Kenny Radford's grandmother died.
Her funeral's on Saturday. Are you in?
No. Right.
I still think it's a good idea.
Everyone's doing wedding videos.
Funeral videos are a niche market.
We just got a touchy family.
I just want to make my own film.
Come on, Bags. Do you think
Ridley Scott, right, had to sell a lung
to buy his first camera. That's a fact.
when we shoot The Love Storm.
Are we? Are we?
There he is,
having a little laugh already. Good.
We'll make the first Oscar-winning
end-of-term project in history.
We can't stop now, man. We're this close.
You are going to be up on that podium,
thanking your mum,
your agent, your producer.
Thank you? Thanking you for what?
- Making me do sh*t I don't want to do?
- Bags, you're welcome.
Uncovering The Language Of A Visual Event.
Yep, I know what you're thinking.
A major yawnathon, but hear me out,
because this stuff
is effing cool.
So, fasten your seatbelts, we're about
to take a trip into the avant-garde.
"Stop, collaborate and listen,"
because the film I'm about to show you
here is important for two reasons.
Uno.
It paved the way for the experimental
Austrian animation of the 1950s.
And, dos, it's a short film.
The very same medium we shall be
exploring in our end-of-year projects.
"What's that, Mr D? Short films? Two minutes?"
"No sweat. Easy."
Wrong, sailor, incorrect.
Because it's not about how long it is. Is it?
It's about what you do with it.
So, yeah, granted, it's slightly different
from previous years, shorter.
But it's a challenging format and I...
Excuse me, Mr Dulberg, sorry.
Our script's a feature film, 90 minutes.
Well, if it isn't Leatherhead's
very own Spielberg and Weinstein.
We've been working on it for three years.
My bad. I think you've got some editing to do.
What? To two minutes?
Guys, can we,
can we have a bit of realism here?
This is Leatherhead University, OK? Not UCLA.
If you want a calling card, go to the printer's.
Maybe it's for the best, darling.
It was going to be our ticket to Hollywood.
- Can I speak for you, Val?
- Always, Stephen.
The entertainment industry is
an impossible road, full of obstacles.
Now, we admire your ambition, Joe.
Ambition is everything.
You've got to follow your dream.
That way, when you fail, you can always say,
"Well, at least I tried."
Gotcha. Thanks, Dad.
Why don't you come in to work
with me tomorrow?
Get the feel of the place. Start learning
the ropes. It might cheer you up a bit.
That's a wonderful idea, Dad.
Joe?
Yeah, Dad, it sounds great,
but I think I've got to...
do things all day.
Well, let's do it soon, all right?
Term ends in a couple of months and
then I want you trained up, quick-smart.
After that, it's you and me.
Clarke & Son School of Motoring.
Seven top-of-the-range Fiestas.
Walnut dash and a growing client base.
You're set for life.
Could you two find somewhere else to mope?
You're depressing the regulars.
Three years of film school, Lila,
and I'll end up a driving instructor.
At least it's a job, Joe.
- It's a sh*t job.
- It's an amazing job.
It's the only job that is not only extremely boring,
but, at the same time, very, very dangerous.
- I'll be trapped in Leatherhead forever.
- Hey, hey, don't knock Leatherhead.
Sure, Hollywood's all right,
but do they have a Kebabsolutely?
Does it have a big Tesco?
No. No, you're right, it's rubbish.
It's all just bright lights
and cool parties and premieres
and beautiful women.
Grace Kelly, Cameron Diaz. Jessica Rabbit.
Yeah, you know you would.
You'd do Jessica Rabbit in a heartbeat.
You two are pathetic.
You go on and on about Hollywood,
but all you ever do is sit around here
bugging me all day.
You're all bark and no bite.
"All fart and no follow through,"
as my gran would say.
I follow through. I am doing stuff.
- Pestering the recently bereaved?
- It's a niche market.
What I'm saying is,
why are you letting some bitter, jealous,
dead-end college lecturer stand in your way?
Did Tarantino ask his teacher for
permission to make Reservoir Dogs?
London is 20 miles down the road,
crammed full of film companies
desperate for good ideas.
Yeah.
Bags, don't be so negative.
No, no, you're right. We need to get out there.
We need to get up in their faces.
Let's take this mountain to Mohammed.
Baggy, start the car,
because we are going to London.
The film industry is just like
any other business, Bags.
It's all about supply and demand.
Film companies demand a great script and we
are about to supply them with exactly that.
We're like a dream come true for these guys.
And we're going straight to the big dogs.
Working Title. The most successful
British film company ever.
So, we're just going to walk in there,
pitch the film and get the money?
Come on, Bags, don't be so negative.
It's like God said to Moses,
"You've got to have faith."
Wasn't that the fella from Wham?
- No, Moses was never in Wham.
- No, I mean...
Hi, there. Joe Clarke, producer.
Oh, my God, do men get lost in your eyes?
If you keep pointing those things at me, I'm
going to need a search party, because I am lost.
And I'm hungry.
I may have to eat my friend here.
Tasty!
Hello, Working Title.
Yes.
Wonderful.
OK, Chris, putting you through.
- Sorry, sir. You were saying?
- I may have to eat my friend here.
What?
Because of the eyes thing.
You've got massive eyes.
- Sorry, can I help you?
- Yes, we're here to pitch a movie.
- Right. Do you have an appointment?
- No, but we do have a fantastic script.
- Really?
- Yes. It's perfect for Working Title.
Hang on, because we're Working Title.
This is fantastic news.
I'll ring Mr Bevan and Mr Fellner,
the head of the company, really important.
They're in a big meeting with Universal Studios,
but I'm sure they won't mind if I drag them out.
I'm going to get them
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"I Want Candy" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 7 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/i_want_candy_10532>.
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