iBoy Page #3

[man]

Boys, stay calm! Just sit down!

Sit! I said sit down!

Control yourselves!

Everybody, quiet!

Oh, my good God! Stop the video!

Stop the f***ing video! Get them out!

Take it down! Everybody out! Out!

Mr. Harris was just standing there

with this huge projection of Cass

behind him just jerking off.

Everyone goes, like, crazy.

Everyone's screaming and stuff.

Cass goes bright red,

just, like, runs straight out of there.

It was so funny.

[chuckles]

God, how did that even happen?

Don't know.

-Should we listen to some music?

-Sure.

-CDs? Are you serious?

-Oh, they're my mom's.

Well, she's got interesting taste.

-What about Tongue?

-Yeah.

[CD drive opens]

[inserts CD]

[CD drive closes]

[stereo beeping]

[soft music playing]

-[soft music continues]

-Do you want to go to dinner?

-Dinner?

-Yeah, food or something.

-Yeah, okay.

-Okay.

Great.

[opens fridge door]

[Nan]

No, no, that-- that can't be right.

-I paid 300 last month.

-[electronic pulsation]

[man]

Yeah, well, I'm sorry,

but our system

is a hundred percent accurate.

You've missed your payments,

which total 600 pounds, so--

[Nan] Oh, oh, let's just all bow down

to whatever your system says, shall we?

Can you check it again for me?

Look, if you can pay the 600 now,

then we can stop the added interest

on the account,

but until then, my hands are tied.

Young man, I don't have 600 pounds.

I don't have 300 pounds.

You have my 300 pounds,

but you've lost it.

-Now, I'd like to speak to--

-Wait, hold on.

It's saying the payment's been made.

The account's coming up as cleared.

-I think this might be an error.

-Oh, an error?

I thought the system was

a hundred percent accurate?

-Hold on a minute.

-[door opens, closes]

Right.

I don't reckon

I could live on a canal boat.

-Why not?

-It's too low down.

I really like being able to see

all of the city and the little people

out my window.

[chuckles]

Plus, ducks are weird.

-Sh*t, they're coming.

-No!

-Quack!

-Stop it! I'll kick you in.

[laughs]

It's actually really nice

getting out of the flat for a little bit.

My mum just watches me constantly.

It's like she thinks I'm gonna throw

myself off the balcony or something.

I've never been the victim.

It doesn't feel right.

-I don't see you like that.

-Yeah, you do.

But it's all right.

You'll get there.

You know, out of everyone,

you're the only person

who has come to see me.

-Luce, what happened?

-Tom...

No, I... I just...

I want you to know you can...

I want you to feel safe when I'm around.

What I mean is,

if we were in trouble again, I want you

to know that I wouldn't run this time.

I'd stay.

Even if it meant I'd die, I'd just...

I just want you to know that.

Okay.

Same.

Did I ever tell you

about when I got locked out

on your roof overnight

with, uh, what's-her-face?

-No.

-Alice.

Do you know Alice?

She sat, like, left of you in...

-...math?

-I think so.

We thought it'd be a really good idea

to go and sit up there, and--

Lucy!

-Oh, sh*t.

-You all right?

Yeah?

Heard about

what happened to you and Ben.

That's messed up, you know.

But they'll get what's coming to 'em.

-I promise you that.

-Right.

You don't think it's nothing

to do with us, do ya?

-Why would I think that?

-No, exactly.

'Cause, you know, since it happened,

some little prick has been playing

these childish games with us.

But you wouldn't know anything

about that, would you, Luce?

No.

-'Cause I think you might--

-Leave it, Eugene.

[laughing]

-What about you, Tom?

-What about me?

You've always had a thing

for Lucy, ain't ya?

[laughing]

-And you're a geek.

-I'm not a geek.

But you look like a geek.

You little sh*t, it's you, innit?

[phones dinging]

-What the f***?

-Got us all.

Yeah.

-F***, man.

-Where is he?

I told you, Hazzard, bruv!

Come out! Come out now!

[breathing heavily]

I'm really sorry.

Thank you for today.

[indistinct chatter]

This is the whip, boys.

-You know how to do this one, yeah?

-Of course.

-Would sir like to take a drive?

-Oh, sir would.

-Yo, start the car, Eugene, bruv.

-Calm yourself down, man.

Nothing in the glove compartment, fam,

not even sunglasses.

-Hey, Hazzard, check the dash, bruv.

-[overlapping chatter]

I beg you, hurry up, bruv,

or they'll be out here, man.

-[mocking] "Watch me start a Golf."

-I've started better cars, man.

Don't rush me, don't--

You've started no cars, man.

-Give me that, give me that.

-[overlapping chatter]

-It's different in here, man.

-[doors locking]

[scoffs]

Why you locking the door?

I didn't lock the f***ing door, Haz, man.

-Shut your mouth. I didn't lock the door.

-Oh, you didn't lock the door?

I swear down I didn't lock the door

for f***ing f***!

-I didn't lock the door! I swear to you--

-[engine starts]

-You started the engine.

-I didn't f***ing start that!

-So who done it, then, bruv?

-[engine revving]

-I didn't start that!

-[static]

-[distorted voice] I know what you did.

-What the f***? Who is that?

-Who the f*** are you?

-Why are you revving up?

-Look at my legs, bruv!

-Stop f***ing revving the car, bruv!

Hey, yo, there's smoke

coming from the car, fam!

Open the f***ing door!

There's smoke coming out!

[all shouting, coughing]

-Why did you attack the Walkers?

-We got told to! We had no choice!

Shut the f*** up, Cass, man!

Who told you to?

-Shut the f*** up, Cass!

-It was the boss!

We didn't want to! We're sorry!

Cass, I ain't telling you again!

Shut the f***-- [screaming]

-Who's your boss?

-[coughing]

-Cover your mouth! Cover your mouth!

-Haz! Haz!

-Oh, sh*t!

-Tell me his name!

Haz is gone, man! Haz! Haz!

-Give me the name.

-I ain't dying in no shitty Golf, bruv!

Shut the f*** up! I told you to shut up!

The name! Now!

It was Cutz! It was Cutz!

-He made us do it!

-[car doors unlocking]

Yo, Keon, what you making?

What's it look like?

Shepherd's pie, fam.

Yo, what's the difference

between shepherd's pie and cottage pie?

I don't know, but I would smash

your mom's cottage pie.

-Shut up.

-[men laughing]

No, it's the potatoes, innit, man?

Mashed potatoes are fluffy,

like sheep. Shepherd's pie.

Cottage pies have them square potatoes,

like the roof of a cottage.

-[laughing] This guy...

-Get the f*** out of here, man.

-"Fluffy potatoes."

-Behave.

Would you lot stop talking

about f***ing pies?

[rap music playing on stereo]

And if you must know,

the difference is lamb.

-[static]

-Yo, Cutz, ain't that your car?

Yeah.

[car alarm beeps]

I think he's getting his dick out, bruv.

-Are you lot doing this?

-No, bruv.

Oh, sh*t, he's pissing.

[both laughing]

Motherfucking prick! Hurry up, bruv.

Hurry up, man!

[Cannibal Ox's

"Blade:
The Art of Ox" playing]

[muffled music playing]

[music stops]

Proper f***ing leather, man.

-Shut up, man.

-I'm just saying, man.

Sh*t.

F***.

I heard there was this guy...

[indistinct chatter on TV]

...who's trying to take on the gangs,

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