If Looks Could Kill

---

[POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE PLAYING] PARENTS, GUESTS,

MEMBERS OF OUR DISTINGUISHED FACULTY, FELLOW STUDENTS, WELL, HERE WE ARE.

WE'VE COME DOWN THIS LONG ROAD TOGETHER, AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR MANY OF US TO PART COMPANY. WE LEAVE HERE TODAY KNOWING OUR FUTURE HOLDS

NO MORE OR NO LESS THAN WHAT WE MAKE OF IT. ♪ ...LOUD GUITARS, FAST CARS ♪

♪ AND WILD, WILD LIVIN' ♪z ♪ THIS IS ALL WE EVER NEED ♪ ♪ GET UP AND GO, TIME FOR THE SHOW ♪

♪ LET'S GET ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ WE WANT LOUD... ♪♪ WHAT DID I MISS?

SOME CRUD ABOUT OUR FUTURE. ...A NEW PLATEAU IN OUR LIVES. WE WILL ALL FLOURISH. WE WILL ALL PREVAIL.

THE POTENTIAL IS LIMITLESS. THIS IS THE MOMENT WE STEP THROUGH A NEW DOOR WITH EAGER ANTICIPATION.

THIS IS OUR MOMENT. YES, WE ARE THE FUTURE. WE ARE THE WORLD.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL, AND GOD BLESS AMERICA!

LET'S HAVE A WARM HAND FOR OUR VALEDICTORIAN MELISSA TYLER!

UGH! AND NOW MRS. GROBER WILL HELP ME TO HAND OUT THE AWARDS

TO THIS YEAR'S GRADUATING CLASS OF EDSEL HIGH 1991.

[POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE PLAYING]

YOO-HOO! YOO-HOO! SMILE.

LOOK IN THE CAMERA. SIR, I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU THIS HAS BEEN

THE BEST FOUR YEARS OF MY LIFE. DON'T OVERWHELM YOURSELF. THE BEST IS YET TO COME.

OH, NO!

I'M REAL SORRY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, YOU KNOW? DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO SAY. HOW ABOUT? "SORRY MOM AND DAD "I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL,

"BUT I COULDN'T FIT IT INTO MY DATING AND PARTYING SCHEDULE," OR HOW ABOUT? "SORRY BUT I WAS TOO BUSY DOING DIDDLEY SQUAT

INSTEAD OF GOING TO MY FRENCH CLASS!" HERB, TAKE A PILL. HONEY, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US YOU WERE HAVING TROUBLE?

WE COULD HAVE GOTTEN YOU A TUTOR, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU NEEDED. I HOPE YOU LIKE PUMPING GAS, MICHAEL.

THAT'S WHAT I SEE IN YOUR FUTURE. I SEE BRAD JUST OUT OF DENTAL SCHOOL, DRIVING DOWN THE STREET IN HIS NEW OLDSMOBILE--

BMW, DAD. WITH HIS WIFE AND KIDS. AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE CHECKING HIS OIL, MISTER!

HERB! WHY DON'T I CALL MRS. GROBER ABOUT SUMMER SCHOOL? WELL, THERE IS NO SUMMER SCHOOL.

THERE HAS TO BE SUMMER SCHOOL. WELL, THERE'S SUMMER SCHOOL, BUT MRS. GROBER'S TAKING THE FRENCH CLUB TO FRANCE,

AND THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE UP CREDIT IS IF I WENT-- YOU THINK I'M GONNA SEND YOU TO FRANCE FOR FLUNKING HIGH SCHOOL?

MRS. GROBER HATES MY GUTS. I'M SORRY. I REALLY LET YOU DOWN.

THERE GOES COLLEGE THIS FALL. FLUNKING HIGH SCHOOL'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

I'M CALLING MRS. GROBER, NO MATTER HOW SHE FEELS. MICHAEL, SON, POTENTIAL FAILURE,

I LOVE YOU TO DEATH, BUT I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. NOW, I KNOW YOU HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS,

BUT GOOD INTENTIONS AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH. DAD, IS THIS THE "NO FOLLOW-THROUGH" SPEECH?

THAT'S RIGHT. NOW, YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR MAIN PROBLEM IS. NO. WHAT?

NO FOLLOW-THROUGH. MICHAEL, YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. YOU CAN'T GO THROUGH LIFE IRRESPONSIBLY,

AND YOU CAN'T DEPEND ON LUCK TO BAIL YOU OUT EVERY TIME. IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. MRS. GROBER?

HELLO. THIS IS MARGE CORBEN.

BE REALISTIC, MONSIEUR LAFEVRE. AS FINANCE MINISTER OF PERHAPS THE MOST PROGRESSIVE NATION IN EUROPE,

SURELY YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR PARTICIPATION IS IMPERATIVE TO THIS OPERATION. ANYTHING TO THE CONTRARY

COULD BE INTERPRETED BY THE EUROPEAN COMMUNITY AS A LACK OF GOOD FAITH. THIS IS MORE THAN A SIMPLE MATTER OF TRUST, AUGUSTUS.

FRANCE'S GOLD MUST REMAIN IN FRANCE. WELL,

I'M VERY SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY.

AH!

[ALARM SOUNDS] HE WAS FOLLOWED!

[WHIRR] IT'S BLADE.

[GUNSHOTS FIRED]

[EXPLOSION]

[BEEP BEEP BEEP]

YAAH! AAH! LOOK. ZIGESFELD IS HURT.

STERANKO. MR. BLADE, I SUGGEST YOU LEAVE BEFORE YOU START AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT.

YOU MEAN LIKE THE ONE YOU'RE PLANNING? IF THIS IS A BUSINESS CALL, YOU NEED AN APPOINTMENT.

MAYBE NEXT TIME. THERE WILL BE NO NEXT TIME.

AH! AAH!

AH! AAH!

[SNAP]

WE'RE ALL SADDENED BY BLADE'S DEATH. YESTERDAY'S DISCOVERY OF BLADE'S BODY

LEAVES US IN A RATHER PRECARIOUS POSITION. NOT ONLY HAVE WE FORFEITED OUR MOST EXPERIENCED OPERATIVE,

BUT WE HAVE GRAVELY UNDERESTIMATED THE IMPORTANCE OF HIS MISSION. OUR LAST CONTACT WITH BLADE WAS FIVE MONTHS AGO.

HE WAS INVESTIGATING A DISTURBING SERIES OF BIZARRE DEATHS ALL INVOLVING THE FINANCE MINISTERS OF COMMON MARKET NATIONS.

WE CAN NOW ADD FRENCH FINANCE MINISTER JACQUES LAFEVRE TO THE BODY COUNT. HIS BODY WAS DISCOVERED WITH BLADE'S,

THEIR MURDER DISGUISED AS A CAR ACCIDENT. JUST OUTSIDE THE ORENBOURG BORDER. IF THIS PATTERN CONTINUES, WE CAN ONLY ASSUME

THAT AUGUSTUS STERANKO, THE NEWLY APPOINTED LEADER OF THE EUROPEAN ECONOMIC COMMUNITY, WILL BE THER NEXT TARGET.

HE MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS. LIEUTENANT COLONEL LARABEE.

PLEASE CONTINUE. HER MAJESTY HAS CONTACTED THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, AND HE'S CONSENTED TO DEPLOY ONE OF THEIR DEEP-COVER OPERATIVES

TO OUR SITUATION. THIS OPERATIVE HAS BEEN LIVING UNDER AN ALIAS FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS,

ESTABLISHING, BUILDING AND MAINTAINING DEEP COVER IN THE UNITED STATES. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE HERE.

THEY DON'T KNOW HIS AGE, RACE, OR BACKGROUND. ALL THAT WE DO KNOW IT THAT HE'S ARRIVING ON AIR TRANSAT FLIGHT 35 DEPARTING DETROIT TOMORROW MORNING

UNDER THE CODE NAME "MICHAEL CORBEN." LIEUTENANT COLONEL LARABEE'S CODE NAME IS "MOTHER."

KELLY? EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE THE OPERATIVE'S COVER

IS AS DEEP AS YOU THINK. HOW DO YOU MEAN THAT? WELL, SIR, YOU SAID NO ONE KNOWS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE?

SIR, WE KNOW HE'S MALE. SHUT UP, KELLY. AMERICAN MALE, AGE UNKNOWN,

DEPARTING DETROIT INTERNATIONAL TERMINAL ON AIR TRANSAT FLIGHT 35 TOMORROW.

A PHONE CALL WILL BE PLACED TO HIM ONE HOUR BEFORE FLIGHT TIME. EXCELLENT. I'LL BE THERE.

I ADVISE EXTREME CAUTION. THE MAN IS A JACKAL.

BY THE WAY, KELLY, DID YOU GET HIS NAME? MICHAEL CORBEN.

GOOD MORNING, MONSIEUR CORBEN. TRAVELING WITH US FIRST-CLASS TODAY? YES.

WHITE ZONE IS FOR IMMEDIATE LOADING AND UNLOADING OF PASSENGERS. CORBEN!

MICHAEL CORBEN! KENT, MY MAN. HOW'S IT GOING? OH, PRETTY GOOD.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS ONE. WELL, DEAR, THIS WAS THE ONLY WAY.

I THINK WE'RE VERY LUCKY. LUCKY? LUCKY? YEAH, I FEEL DAMN PRIVILEGED TO SEND MY SON TO EUROPE

FOR ONLY $3OO-PLUS A DAY. THANKS, DAD.

OH, MOM, WHILE I'M GONE, I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT SWITCHING DAD OVER TO DECAF.

MICHAEL. WHAT? LOOK WHO'S HERE-- MELISSA TYLER. WELL, IF YOU WANT HER TAKE HER.

AND LOSE MY GEEK STATUS? KENT, YOU'RE STICKING WITH ME. IN THE DAYTIME WE'LL DO THE FRENCH BIT,

BUT IN THE NIGHTTIME WHEN THE NERD PATROL CRASHES, IT'S YOU AND ME, PAL, ON A PARISIAN BABE SAFARI.

WHAT ABOUT GROBER? YOU KNOW SHE'LL REPORT WHEN SHE FOUND OUT YOU WERE COMING. DON'T WORRY ABOUT GROBER.

I CAN HANDLE HER. DON'T COUNT ON IT. I'LL BE ON YOUR CASE EVERY MINUTE!

I'LL SIT WITH YOU DAYTIME AND CHECK YOUR ROOM AT NIGHT. YOU'LL BARELY BE ABLE TO TAKE A LEAK WITHOUT ME BEHIND YOU

IN FACT, I EVEN BOOKED YOUR SEAT ON THE PLANE RIGHT NEXT TO MINE. I DIDN'T SEE YOU IN CLASS ALL YEAR, MR. CORBEN.

AND IF YOU WANT THAT CREDIT IT'S NOT COMING EASY. SO, WE'RE GOING TO MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME STARTING RIGHT NOW.

REPETEZ. JE M'APPELLE MICHAEL CORBEN. CLASS, FOLLOW ME.

REPETEZ! REPETEZ. JE M'APPELLE MICHAEL CORBEN.

PHONE CALL FOR MR. MICHAEL CORBEN PHONE CALL FOR MR. MICHAEL CORBEN IN THE FIRST-CLASS LOUNGE.

CAN THAT CALL BE TRANSFERRED? NO, BUT THE FIRST-CLASS LOUNGE IS AROUND THE CORNER.

WHEN YOU COME BACK, I'LL HAVE YOUR TICKET READY FOR YOU. THANK YOU.

[SHOUTING] MARIE, I'M TAKING MY BREAK!

GOOD MORNING. I'M MICHAEL CORBEN. THERE'S A TELEPHONE CALL FOR ME. SORRY, WE'RE CLOSED FOR CLEANING.

OUR CLUB ROOM'S DOWN THE HALL. IT'S IMPORTANT. IF YOU CAN STAND THE NOISE, TAKE IT IN THERE.

THANK YOU. [VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING]

MICHAEL, IT'S MOTHER.

HELLO, MOTHER. HONEY, I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU. REPEAT, PLEASE.

LISTEN, MICHAEL, PICK UP AN EXTRA BOTTLE OF CHANEL WHEN YOU GO SHOPPING.

GRANDMA WILL WANT ONE, TOO. CHANEL...SHOPPING... GRANDMA?

RIGHT, AND TRY TO SLEEP ON THE PLANE. YOU SOUND TENSE.

I WILL. BYE, HONEY. I'LL MISS YOU, SWEETHEART. [KISS KISS KISS]

[CLICK]

UH! HERE YOU GO. THANK YOU.

AH, YES, WE HAVE YOUR TICKET RIGHT HERE. YOU DO? WELL, WHAT ABOUT--

MICHAEL CORBEN. FIRST-CLASS. FIRST-CLASS?

HAVE A NICE FLIGHT. THANKS. WHAT'S YOUR SEAT NUMBER, MICHAEL?

MAYBE WE CAN SIT TOGETHER. I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT'S POSSIBLE, UNLESS YOU'RE TRAVELING FIRST-CLASS.

RIGHT, LIKE, I'M SURE. WHAT? HOW-- PAGING MICHAEL CORBEN.

MICHAEL CORBEN, PLEASE REPORT TO THE YELLOW COURTESY PHONE. EXCUSE ME.

HEY, CHECK IT OUT. FIRST-CLASS.

HOW? OW! DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD SIT NEXT TO GROBER?

THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT CART?

THIS SHOULD BE DISPOSED OF. EXACTLY.

PAGING MICHAEL CORBEN. PHONE CALL FOR MR. MICHAEL CORBEN. [KNOCK KNOCK]

IT'S FOR YOU. HA HA!

YEAH? CORBEN? YEAH? IT'S MOTHER. WHO IS THIS?

LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY. AN OPERATIVE WILL BE MEETING YOU ON THE PLANE. I KNOW WHO THIS IS.

IF YOU GUYS ARE ON A SPEAKERPHONE, TELL YOUR SISTER SHE HAS NICE HIPS. CORBEN, WE SHAN'T DO ANYTHING OF THE KIND.

WHO'S THAT? SANDERSON? HAYWOOD. HAYWOOD? NICE ACCENT, MATE. THANK YOU.

GET THIS, GUYS, I'M TRAVELING TO PARIS, FIRST-CLASS. WE'LL BE WITH YOU IN SPIRIT.

BE CAREFUL. GOOD LUCK. MOTHER.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? WE'VE GOT LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES TO GET ON THE PLANE. LET'S GO. LET'S GO!

WE'VE GOT A PLANE TO CATCH. UH, HEY. FIRST-CLASS.

RIGHT THIS WAY.

UNREAL. CHAMPAGNE? YEAH!

Yeah.

AH! PARDON. IS EVERYONE ON THE PLANE? HOW WOULD I KNOW?

BONJOUR, MONSIEUR.

♪ GOT THE WHOLE OF THE WORLD IN YOUR FINGERS ♪ ♪ GOT THE WHOLE OF THE WORLD... ♪

THANKS. ♪ IN YOUR HANDS ♪ ♪ GOT THE WHOLE OF MY WORLD IN YOUR HANDS ♪

♪ IT'S THE SAME AS THEY PLAY IT IN THE MOVIES ♪ ♪ IT'S THE SAME AS YOU HAD ON THE GROUND NOW ♪

♪ IF YOU COULD BE THERE ♪ ♪ OH, YOU'D LIKE TO BE THERE NOW ♪

♪ NOW, NOW, NOW ♪ ♪ TELL ME, WHO DO YOU LOVE? ♪ ♪ DO YOU, WHO DO YOU, DO YOU LOVE? ♪

OH! PRIME RIB OR LOBSTER? ♪ ...DO YOU LOVE, DO YOU, WHO DO YOU, DO YOU LOVE? ♪♪

EXCUSE ME. WHAT IS THIS? FOOD.

I AM LOOKING FOR HIM. HIS NAME IS MICHAEL CORBEN. HE'S ON A CLASS TRIP TO PARIS. I'M HIS TEACHER.

HE SHOULD BE IN COACH. I DON'T KNOW WHY HE'S HERE. BON. UN MOMENT, S'IL VOUS PLAIT.

[MUSIC PLAYING] ARE YOU MICHAEL CORBEN?

WHAT? ARE YOU MICHAEL CORBEN?

OH. YEAH. ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE HERE?

DO YOU HAVE YOUR TICKET? OH. YES.

WELL, THERE'S THIS WOMAN, SHE SAYS SHE'S YOUR FRENCH TEACHER, MRS. GROBER.

NOT MY FRENCH TEACHER! LISTEN, THAT WOMAN'S BEEN ON MY TAIL SINCE SHE SPOTTED ME IN DETROIT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK SHE THINKS SHE THINKS SHE KNOWS ME, BUT I DON'T THINK I KNOW HER.

BUT I THINK SHE KNOWS MY NAME. I THINK THAT SOUNDS LOGICAL. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

THINK OF SOMETHING TO GET RID OF HER. TELL HER YOU CAN'T THINK RIGHT NOW.

WHOA! LISTEN, LADY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO, BUT STAY AWAY FROM MICHAEL CORBEN,

OR I'LL SPLATTER YOUR BRAINS ALL OVER THIS AIRCRAFT! YOU UNDERSTAND?

IF YOU'RE WONDERING, I HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO DO IT.

YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME! A MAN WITH A GUN AND MICHAEL CORBEN-- WHOA!

GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF. I'LL BE BACK!

OHHH...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GO BACK TO WORK.

[MUSIC PLAYING] Great cover, Corben. Don't turn around.

Don't worry. Everything is under control. You've got a safe ride to Paris. Good luck.

A NIGHTCAP, PERHAPS, SIR? WHY, THANK YOU.

SWEET DREAMS.

[HEAVY BREATHING] OH, OH, OH!

THE CAPTAIN HAS TURNED ON THE "NO SMOKING" SIGN IN PREPARATION FOR OUR DESCENT. WOO!

THANKS. LISTEN, I TRAVEL FIRST-CLASS ALL OVER THE WORLD, AND THAT WAS THE BEST JULIUS CAESAR SALAD EVER.

IT WAS MY PLEASURE. MICHAEL! MICHAEL CORBEN! I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO!

YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE, MISTER! EXCUSE ME! OUT OF THE WAY! MOVE!

YOU GOING TO HELP ME? I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER. DON'T MOVE!

MOVE THESE BAGS, YOU IDIOT! EXCUSE ME! WE HAVE LANDED, SIR.

SIR? WAKE UP. WAKE UP! [GASP]

AAH! ♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪ ♪ I'M GETTIN' THAT FEELIN' AGAIN ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪ ♪ I'M GETTIN'... ♪♪

MICHAEL CORBEN! MICHAEL! MICHAEL CORBEN, YOU COME BACK HERE!

HURRY. THEY KNOW YOU'RE HERE. DAVID RICHARDSON, BRITISH INTELLIGENCE. OH, SH*T, LISTEN, SOMEBODY GAVE ME THAT FIRST-CLASS TICKET.

MICHAEL CORBEN, COME BACK HERE! I DIDN'T EVEN EAT DINNER!

AAH! ALRIGHT, I HAD THE LOBSTER! I DID DRINK THE CHAMPAGNE. NO, I HAD SOME--

THEY'RE ALREADY ON TO US! I FELL ASLEEP DURING THE MOVIE! WOW!

THERE MUST BE-- LISTEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET INSIDE!

GO! GO? GO WHERE?

ZIGESFELD! [WHIRR] IT'S ME.

LISTEN, OUR INFORMANT DUPED US. NOT ONLY IS MICHAEL CORBEN STILL ALIVE, BUT HE'S WORKING WITH AN AMERICAN WOMAN

THEY CALL "THE FRENCH TEACHER." THERE! THAT'S HER. MICHAEL! MICHAEL!

NO! I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER. YOU MUST FOLLOW CORBEN. KILL HIM.

THERE CAN BE NO MORE MISTAKES.

[TWEET] MICHAEL!

NASTY BUSINESS! I WONDER HOW IT HAPPENED. THE TICKET HAD MY NAME ON IT.

I DIDN'T WANT TO SIT THERE. WHAT ELSE COULD YOU DO? NOTHING. I WAS JUST MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS.

YOU'RE LUCKY TO BE ALIVE. IN SPAIN, WITH THEIR SECURITY, THEY'D HAVE KILLED YOU.

LISTEN, I'M AN AMERICAN CITIZEN, AND I KNOW MY RIGHTS. CORBEN, DON'T GO ASKING FOR SPECIAL PRIVILEGES.

23:
54

I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE AMERICAN EMBASSY. RELAX. THEY KNOW YOU'RE HERE. THEY WISHED YOU GOOD LUCK.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? OUR NEW BOMB SCANNER, BOMB SCANNER? ALMOST 9O% EFFECTIVE.

COME ALONG. THIS WAY. [ALARM]

[EXPLOSION] HA HA HA! OH, I LOVE THIS PLACE. [BEEP BEEP BEEP]

STAND BACK, GENTLEMEN. WELL, WE'D BETTER STAND HERE FOR NOW. [ALARM]

[TICKING] UH!

ISN'T IT MARVELOUS? READY TO GO AGAIN? MAYBE LATER.

HELLO, IAN. SORRY TO INTERRUPT. [TELEPHONE RINGS] EXCUSE ME.

HA HA! VERY GOOD!

MICHAEL CORBEN, ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MISS GALANTE. SO, YOU'RE CORBEN.

UH-HUH. WE EXPECTED A MUCH OLDER MAN.

INTERESTING. VERY INTERESTING. YOUR EQUIPMENT.

TELL US JUST HOW OLD ARE YOU, CORBEN? I DON'T CARE WHO YOU PEOPLE ARE. I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS.

RELAX, MR. CORBEN. WE'LL RESPECT YOUR COVER. WE PREPARED FOR SOMEONE MORE CONSERVATIVE.

THESE WON'T DO AT ALL NOW. THE FRENCH POLICE FORWARDED YOUR CALL

TO THEIR ENGLISH-SPEAKING BUREAU. OH, THANK GOODNESS! WE ARE FULLY APPRISED OF THE SITUATION.

IT WILL BE BEST IF YOU JUST FORGOT WHATEVER YOU THOUGHT YOU SAW. HOW CAN I? WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MICHAEL CORBEN!

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE COMPLETELY AWARE OF THE FULL IMPORT OF THIS SITUATION? OF COURSE. I AM THE FRENCH TEACHER!

I'M GONNA KILL THAT KID. KEEP HER TALKING. OH, THAT WON'T BE A PROBLEM.

I WANT ALL REFERENCES TO THE OPERATIVE CALLED "THE FRENCH TEACHER." GO BACK 2O YEARS IF NECESSARY.

BUT AT THIS POINT CORBEN WILL HAVE TO GO IT ALONE. THEN SOMEBODY MUST CALL HIS MOTHER!

MRS. GROBER, DO YOU KNOW MOTHER? I CERTAINLY DO.

SHH! DESPITE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, IF I DON'T HAVE MICHAEL CORBEN THIS WEEK, SHE WILL BE ONE UNHAPPY LADY.

IS THAT A THREAT? FRENCH TEACHERS DO NOT THREATEN, MONSIEUR. THEY SAY S'IL VOUS PLAIT.

MY PEOPLE HAVE ADJUSTED THE ARMAMENT PROVISION DESIGNATED FOR YOUR MISSION, CORBEN. MY WHAT?

SURELY YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH THIS USEFUL ACCESSORY THE KNAPSACK. I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND THESE INTERESTING. YOU'LL BE THE FIRST AGENT TO USE THE WORKING PROTOTYPE.

NO WAY. X-RAY SPECS?

OF COURSE, X-RAYS ARE IMPERVIOUS TO LEAD.

OF COURSE. MAY I?

YOU'RE SUCH A BOY, DEREK.

MY, MY! CHEWABLE PLASTIC EXPLOSIVES.

SUGARLESS, OF COURSE. QUITE INGENIOUS. SIMPLY CHEW LIKE AN ORDINARY PIECE OF GUM.

COMBINE WITH THE SILVER FOIL TO ACTIVATE THE EXPLOSIVE COMPOUND.

THESE ARE QUITE NEW.

PRESS THESE PADS TO ACTIVATE. THEY'LL ADHERE TO ANY SURFACE.

NASA TECHNOLOGY COMBINED WITH BRITISH INGENUITY.

I WOULDN'T GAIN ANY WEIGHT IF I WERE YOU. HA HA HA!

THIS IS ALL VERY COOL, BUT I THINK YOU GUYS ARE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE. ISN'T THIS CHARADE GETTING TIRESOME?

JUST WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? MICHAEL CORBEN, DEEP-COVER AGENT FOR THE CIA.

MICHAEL CORBEN, FRENCH-CLASS REJECT. I'VE SEEN IT BEFORE. THEY'VE GOT HIM SO BRAINWASHED IN AMERICA, YOU CAN'T PENETRATE HIS COVER.

HERE, LOOK. CHECK THIS OUT. HERE'S MY DRIVER'S LICENSE, MY SCHOOL I.D., MY FAKE I.D.

I'VE GOT AN IDEA. WHY DON'T WE TRACK DOWN MRS. GROBER, MY FRENCH TEACHER. SHE'LL TELL YOU I'M--

YOUR CAR. MICHAEL CORBEN, DEEP-COVER OPERATIVE FOR THE CIA.

THIS IS A PHOTOGRAPH OF AUGUSTUS STERANKO, ORENBOURG'S CHANCELLOR OF FINANCE. STERANKO IS AN ALLY AND A FRIEND.

I GOT TO GET A BOAT. STERANKO WILL BE HOSTING A SUMMIT AT THE CHATEAU RICHELIEU IN ORENBOURG.

THIS IS COOL. PRIME MINISTERS FROM EVERY COMMON-MARKET NATION WILL BRING THEIR COUNTRIES' GOLD.

THE CHATEAU WILL BECOME THE FORT KNOX OF EUROPE.

WHEN YOU SAY, "YOUR CAR," DID YOU MEAN "YOUR CAR," OR DID YOU MEAN "YOUR CAR," AS IN MY CAR?

THE ASSASSIN HAS ALREADY MURDERED THREE FINANCE MINISTERS AND BLADE, WHO WAS OUR OWN TOP AGENT.

WE SUSPECT STERANKO WILL BE HIS NEXT TARGET. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU INDICATE TO HIM THAT YOU'RE WORKING FOR BRITISH INTELLIGENCE.

CONTROL PANEL OPEN. GET OUT OF TOWN. DAMN!

NOW... IN HERE, YOU'LL FIND A WET SUIT, SCUBA GEAR, CAMOUFLAGE, AND A TUXEDO,

ALL OUTFITTED WITH STANDARD HANDS-UP SURVIVAL PROTECTION. BY THE WAY, THERE'S A MAP IN YOUR GLOVE COMPARTMENT.

YOU'LL FIND 1OO,OOO FRANCS FOR EXPENSES IN YOUR PACK, ALONG WITH THE KEY TO YOUR ROOM AT THE PALACE HOTEL.

IT'S NEAR THE CASINO WHERE STERANKO WILL BE PLAYING CARDS TONIGHT. BUY WHATEVER YOU NEED, SOME NEW CLOTHES, PERHAPS,

BUT SAVE THE RECEIPTS. UH...YOU WON'T NEED THIS.

I'LL KEEP IT FOR YOU. OKAY, SO BASICALLY, YOU WANT ME TO BLAZE DOWN TO ORENBOURG,

HANG OUT FOR A WHILE, RIGHT? AND KEEP AN EYE ON THIS STERANKO GUY.

MORE OR LESS. UH-HUH. IN THIS CAR? GOOD LUCK.

YES, GODSPEED. UH-HUH. SO...

I CAN DRIVE THIS BABY OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW, RIGHT,

31:
18

WITHOUT YOU GUYS? UM...

YES. [TIRES SCREECH]

♪ THIS IS NOT WHAT I REMEMBER ♪ ♪ IT'S NOTHING LIKE THE SAME ♪

♪ YOU KNOW THAT GIRLS ARE LIKE FIRE ♪ ♪ BOYS ARE NOT TO BLAME ♪

♪ THIS IS NOT THE 1930s ♪ ♪ IT'S NOT A TV SHOW ♪

♪ YOU KNOW THAT I JUST WANT TO DANCE ♪ ♪ I JUST WANT TO DANCE ♪♪

BACK OFF! PULL OVER!

ONE SECOND. LET ME GET THE WINDOW DOWN. ♪ ONE HOT COUNTRY ♪

WINDOWS. CONTROL PANEL OPEN. ALL SYSTEMS READY.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

OH, MY GOD! YOU'RE IN DANGER. BEHIND YOU!

HEY! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

FRONT, REAR ROCKETS ARMED. SHIELD.

PARACHUTE DEPLOYED.

♪ ONE HOT COUNTRY ♪ ♪ THIS IS JUST ♪ ♪ ONE HOT COUNTRY ♪

♪ THIS IS JUST ♪ ♪ ONE HOT COUNTRY ♪ YOU SMASHED INTO MY CAR!

[HONK] ♪ ONE HOT COUNTRY... ♪

LISTEN TO ME. BACK OFF!

[HONK]

FRONT ROCKETS... ROCKET ARMED.

WINDOWS. PUT THE WINDOWS DOWN. SYSTEMS OVERLOAD. FIRE.

[SINGING IN FRENCH]

♪ ONE HOT COUNTRY ♪ ♪ ONE HOT COUNTRY ♪

LOOK AT THAT BABE! KENT, STOP LOOKING AT BABES!

OH, MY GOD! IT'S MICHAEL CORBEN! IT'S MICHAEL!

MICHAEL! WHERE?

♪ THIS IS JUST ONE HOT COUNTRY ♪ REAR ROCKETS. FASTEN SEAT BELT. ♪ ONE HOT COUNTRY ♪

DISARMED. ARMED. FIRE.

WHOA!

♪ WHOA OH OH ♪ ♪ OH OH OH OH ♪♪

DISABLE VEHICLE.

WINDOWS DOWN.

YOU...

AH, MAN! THOSE BRITISH GUYS ARE REALLY GOING TO BE HONKED OFF.

YOU ARE SO GROSS.

[SLURP] OH! OH, GOD! OH!

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

REMEMBER BACK IN THE BUS FIVE MINUTES EXACTLY. [SPEAKING FRENCH]

[CLANK!]

BONJOUR. JE SUIS LE NOUVEAU CHAUFFEUR, JEAN-CLAUDE.

AH, UM...CLASS... BONJOUR, JEAN-CLAUDE.

AUGUSTUS!

AUGUSTUS!

THE GERMAN FINANCE MINISTER'S HERE! HE WAS HERE TWO DAYS AGO WITH THE OTHER FINANCE MINISTERS.

THEY SEEMED PERFECTLY SATISFIED. NO. HE SUSPECTS. SHOW HIM TO THE LIBRARY.

A FEW WELL-CHOSEN WORDS, AND HE'LL BE GONE. STERANKO!

GET OUT OF MY WAY!

YOU LET HIM IN HERE. HE LET HIMSELF IN HERE. TALKING IS USELESS.

OH, KRUPP. WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE. THIS IS INSANITY. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH OUR GOLD?

YES, AUGUSTUS, SHOW HIM. YOUR GOLD IS LOWERED INTO THE SMELTING CAULDRON.

ALL IMPURITIES ARE VAPORIZED. GERMANY WILL NEVER STAND FOR THIS.

THE BULLION IS REHARDENED WITH LIQUID NITROGEN BEFORE IT'S SENT TO THE PRESSES TO MINT THE NEW COIN OF MY EMPIRE.

YOU'RE MAD. WHAT? I'LL TELL THE WORLD.

I DON'T THINK SO. NO! TAKE HIM.

NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! STOP IT! STOP IT! LET ME GO!

OOH! DON'T YOU EVER COUNTERMAND ME AGAIN.

DO YOU HEAR? YES, OF COURSE, AUGUSTUS.

I JUST THOUGHT THAT I-- PLEASE! DON'T THINK.

[TIRES SCREECHING] HEY, WAIT UP!

HEY!

HOW'S IT GOING? BONSOIR. LEAVE THE WINDOWS DOWN.

OU ALLEZ-VOUS, MONSIEUR? LISTEN, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT. I MUST ENTREZ.

I MUST FIND ZAT GIRL. [SPEAKING FRENCH]

NO, NOT FRENCH. PARLEZ-VOUS ENGLISH?

MONSIEUR, WHAT I SAID IS THAT YOU LOOK LIKE A PIECE OF I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SAY IN AMERICAN

DOG POOP. DOG POOP? CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES.

♪ OOH OOH OOH ♪ ♪ OOH OOH OOH OOH ♪

♪ I BUY YOU FLOWERS ♪ ♪ AND I BUY YOU RINGS ♪ ♪ MY CREDIT'S FOR YOU AND YOUR MILLION-DOLLAR THINGS ♪

♪ I TAKE YOU DANCING ♪ ♪ I TAKE YOU OUT ♪ ♪ EVERYTHING IS ALL FOR YOU ♪

♪ YOU'RE WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT ♪ ♪ YOU MIGHT THINK I'M CRAZY ♪ ♪ BUT I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ♪♪

HI. YOU PROBABLY DON'T REMEMBER ME. RED LOTUS, 15O MILES PER HOUR. YOU RAN ME OFF THE ROAD TWICE.

Go away. AH, 21! I KILL AT THIS GAME.

THE GAME IS BACCARAT, MONSIEUR. OBSERVERS ARE NOT PERMITTED AT THE TABLE. I SUSPECT THIS GAME WILL END QUIET SHORTLY.

YOU WISH.

[SPEAKING FRENCH] OH! WHAT'S THAT MEAN? IT MEANS THAT I'M OUT OF THE GAME.

AH, CHIPS FOR, UH... Mariska.

MARISKA. CHIP US. I'M SORRY. BACCARAT IS NOT PLAYED IN DOUBLES.

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