Igor

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(PENNIES FROM HEAVEN PLAYING)

And every time it rains

It rains pennies from heaven

(THUNDER CRASHING)

Don't you know

each cloud contains

pennies from heaven?

You'll find your

fortune falling

All over town

Be sure that your umbrella

is up-up-up-up-upslde down

And trade them for a package

of sunshine and ravioli

IGOR:
Nice weather

we're having, huh?

Here in the kingdom

of Malaria,

every dey's forecast is rainy

with a 100% chance of horror.

(THUNDER CRACKING)

It wasn't elweys

Ilke this, though.

Years ago, Maleria was

a sunny land of farmers.

Until the mysterious

storm clouds rolled

in and never left.

They killed our crops,

and our people became poor.

And that's when Klng Malbert

thought up a new way

for us to make money,

Evil Inventions.

The kind that

crush you, klll you,

bring you back to life,

then kill you again,

way worse.

We invent them, and the world

pays us not to unleash them.

Oh, It's a great gig,

especially if you're

an Evil Scientist.

Fame, fortune,

a rent-free castle

in the hills.

They get it all.

They're the top

of the heap.

Igor! Pull the switch!

Yes, Master!

IGOR:
And the bottom

of the heap? Those are

the poor slobs like me,

born with a hunch

on our back, Igors.

Actually, that

Igor's not me.

Igor! Pull the switch!

Yes, Master!

IGOR:
No, no, no,

that's not me, either.

(CAWING)

That's me.

See? I look nothing

like those other guys,

much better-looking.

Anyway, all Igors are forced

to serve Evil Scientists.

Our life is a permanent

graveyard shift.

But I never wanted

to be an Igor.

I always wanted to be

an Evil Scientist.

Unfortunetely,

the hunch on my back

was a one-way ticket

to Igor School.

I majored in Talking

With a Slur and graduated

with a Yes Masters Degree.

Then, it was off

to find a job.

Hi, I'm here about

the "Igor Wanted"

and. My name's Igor.

Well, of course it is.

I've got a hunch

on my back.

What's my name

gonna be? Kevin?

(LAUGHING)

IGOR:
They didn't

appreciate my

creatlve style.

But eventually,

I landed a job for

Dr. Glickenstein.

Pull the switch!

IGOR:
Not the

smartest scientist.

His last invention

was an Evil Lasagna.

It didn't klll anyone.

And it actually tasted

pretty good.

DR. GLICKENSTEIN: Igor!

IGOR:
Igors aren't

allowed to invent,

but I still manage

to work on my own

inventions in secret.

And this new one

is gonna be the

one that proves

that I'm the biggest

Evil Genius of them all,

and not just another...

DR. GLICKENSTEIN:

(SHOUTING) Igor!

IGOR:
Once they see

what I can do, I'll

have a whole new life,

and I'll never have to answer

to another master again.

Sorry Master.

What did you say?

Oh! I mean...

(GULPS)

(SLURRING) Sorry,

Master. I was in

the bathroom.

Had a bat stuck in the belfry, if you know what I mean. Master

I don t want to hear

your toilet memoirs,

you cretin!

I give you five

minutes a week to take

care of your business.

I'm not running

a resort here!

Now get over

there and...

Pull the switch!

Yes, Master!

(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Who's the failure

now, Mother?

(ALARM BLARING)

(POWERING DOWN)

(GROANING)

(SOBBING)

Mummy, Mummy,

you were right!

I was never meant

to be a scientist.

I should have been

a plumber like you!

That was the first time

he was right all day.

You! Go find

me a 16- gigawatt

temporal transducer

Excuse me, Master, are

you sure you don't

mean 21- gigawatt?

You're correcting me?

Strike!

(CACKLING)

I should do more improve.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(GROANS)

My hunch.

(BONES SNAPPING)

Oh, there she goes.

Much better.

(SINGING) Good evening,

friendsl

IGOR:
That's Scamper,

one of my most

successful inventions.

I made him immortal.

Which is kind of a hassle

for him, since he doesn't

want to live.

Will nothing end

this vicious cycle?

IGOR:
I also made him talk.

Which is a hassle for me,

since he never shuts up.

No fair!

You wasted your

immortality formula

on the wrong guy, Igor.

IGOR:
That's Brain, one

of my other inventions.

Legend has it when

the smartest man

in the world died,

they put his

brain in a jar.

This is not that brain.

(SQUEAKING)

I wanna live forever!

I got plans! And dreams!

I got a squeaky wheel!

Was that me?

Really, Brain?

You want to be trapped

in an endless existential

nightmare,

forced to keep living,

even though

life is meaningless

and nothing matters?

Possibly.

What exactly

did you say?

Too bad he wasted his

intelligence formula

on me, too, Brain.

Or should I

say "Brian"?

Hey! I was

in a hurryl

Stupid permanent marker.

IGOR:
Enough

The Evil Science Fair

is in a week,

and Glickenstein

is gonna lose again.

Okay, I get it.

You want me to

fix his invention.

Now I'll just need a

screwdriver, some nails

and my bag of marbles.

Don't touch his

invention, Brain.

Final You don't

want the benefit

of my brain power?

Then, farewell,

Igor.

Like a gentle fawn,

I shall leave this

meadow.

(GRUNTING)

On second thought

maybe I'll stick

around,

(EXPLOSION)

So I can watch

Mr. Smarty- hunch

fix Glickenstein's

invention.

I couldl But you

know what would

happen if I did!

The same thing he'd

do if he found out

I invented you two.

He'd recycle me.

Can you imagine being

chopped up and used

for body parts

and God knows

what else?

Horrible.

(GROANING)

SCAMPER:
Dang it!

Still here.

If I had my shot,

I could be one of the

greatest Evil Scientists

Malaria has ever seen.

They'd all cheer

my name

just like they

do for the great

Dr. Schadenfreude!

(ORGAN PLAYING OMINOUS TUNE)

(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING)

ANNOUNCER:
And now your

master of disaster,

the chief of grief,

a man who needs

no introduction,

but who will brutally

torture me if he

doesn't get one,

Dr. Schadenfreude!

Thank you, thank you.

You're too klnd!

And I'm not.

But I want to welcome you

all to my annual pre- Evil

Science Fair party.

My girlfriend Jaclyn.

(CHUCKLING)

You know, she

may seem like

a shallow,

conniving wretch...

That's all I got.

That pretty much

sums her up.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

A toast to the

undefeated winner of

and the greatest Evil

Genius in the world.

(FANFARE)

(SPITS)

Bow for the King!

(BAND PLAYING LIVELY MARCH)

"The greatest Evil

Genius in the world."

I rememberwhen people

used to call me that.

Back when the clouds

destroyed our peaceful

land of farmers,

and my plan to blackmail

the world saved us all

Yes, as you ve

told us all over

and over and over.

Yeah, well,

here's more.

Did you know that years

ago, Schoddy's family

name was Poekelmacher?

His family were

pickle-makers!

(ALL LAUGHING)

So, what's your Evil

Invention this year,

Doctor, kosher or dill?

(CROWD LAUGHING)

I want to shove

a pickle right where

the sun don't shine

You mean

Malaria,

Master?

(EXCLAIMS)

No matter how many

Evil Science Fairs

I win,

I always have to bow

down to that idiot

I will never get

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