Imagine That Page #4

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So what do you think, Evan?

You agree with Mr. Whitefeather here,

or do you have some special insight

that you'd like to share with us about

how you would increase the fund?

l think l do have some insight.

l don't agree with Mr. Whitefeather.

What l was going to suggest was

a 4% reallocation

away from convertible arbitrage.

And in addition

to that...

Okay. Good. Thank you.

l don't know about you guys,

but this is good for me.

Didn't l tell you he was good?

Hey, man.

Sometimes the best spear

is the one you don't throw.

Ain't nothing but a thing.

"Ain't nothing but a thing."

What does that even mean, Johnny?

lt's not a thing, but it is?

lt's something, but it's not a thing?

But it's not. But it's something.

What is... l'm confused! What's that?

You're a seeker, brother crow.

You should ride that...

You know what? Stop it right now.

Stop it!

Because l'm not going to be

subjected to your

Dr. Seuss-meets-Pocahontas

stuff today.

"One sky, two sky, red sky, blue sky!"

Evan, that's shadow time. Okay.

Let's keep that in the shadows.

Oh, no. Please, please, please,

make him stop. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Lord, Lord, Lord, make him stop, Lord.

Why are you falling for this?

What's the matter? l've been

working for you for seven years.

And you know that, Fred!

l went to your grandson's birthday party,

and l went to Aspen with you

and your wife for the whole weekend.

We got history together.

You gonna throw it all away because

this guy showed you some waterfalls

and got you chanting "Walla Walla"?

Evan, we're always looking for fresh

ideas, and he showed us some.

lt's like Johnny says.

You got turtles that live in their shell

and turtles that live out of their shell.

What? What? What did you just say?

What did he say? Johnny just said...

What did he tell you?

What was that?

What did he say? What?

He said turtles with no shell...

Called geckos, man.

That's not even biology!

How could you listen...

What's a frog, Johnny? A short snake?

You want new ideas?

Special new ideas. Okay.

'Cause slow, predictable growth

is so boring.

Let's talk about... Let's talk about

a little company called ChemStar.

Let's talk about this company.

l say go out and buy lots of it.

Buy lots and lots of ChemStar.

You know why? Because it's sparkly.

Everybody knows that

everybody loves sparkly things,

so go out and buy some ChemStar

because it's sparkly!

Okay. Here's fresh new idea

number two.

These companies were so stinky

l had to snip them all away.

Snip! Snip! Snip!

lf you're not good, you got to go!

Okay.

Here's fresh new idea number three!

Look at that.

You got YellowFin and AeroDyne.

What are they doing?

YellowFin and AeroDyne.

They're kissing.

And what does kissing usually lead to?

Marriage! They're getting married!

YeIIowFin and AeroDyne sitting in a tree

K- l-S-S-l-N-G

First comes Iove, come on

Then comes marriage...

- Evan. Stop.

- No, don't stop me.

l got more. l got more, Tom!

Fresh new idea number four. NeoDyne.

NeoDyne,

that's your biggest holding, right?

You know what fresh new thinking has

to say about that company?

Pull out! Pull out now. You know why?

Because NeoDyne is about

to have his pants pulled down

and have his underwear exposed.

Know what's in the underwear?

- No.

- Poop.

Poop is in the underwear.

Poop. Nasty doo-doo. Stinky ca-ca.

So here's a recap.

NeoDyne, pants pulled down,

butt exposed,

poo-poo, doo-doo, stinky ca-ca. Okay?

Those are my fresh new...

You take this. You hold on to it.

So those are my new ideas.

Thank you so much!

Raining down!

Fresh ideas and Walla Walla!

- Did you tell them what Kupida said?

- Yeah. l sure did.

Did they like it?

l imagine it was

a lot of fun to watch, honey.

Oh, God. What have l done?

What have l done?

ls everything okay?

Hey, Ev?

Stevens wants to see you. Yeah.

- He just kind of flipped out.

- He lost it, man. He lost it.

Look, whatever you heard l said,

it's probably a lot worse.

- l heard you said poop.

- Yeah, l said poop. Twice.

Nice.

l will be back in as much time

as it officially takes to say,

"You're fired," all right?

Evan, what...

Tom, l don't know what...

l'm still trying to process

what just happened in there.

So am l, too. Really, Tom.

How did you know

about all those things?

Listen to me, Tom. There's... What?

The two companies

you said were kissing.

AeroDyne and YellowFin.

- What did you mean by that?

- l just...

My brother-in-law

sits on the board ofAeroDyne.

For 18 months, they've been looking for

a partner to offset their overseas debt.

Of the literally

there's only one whose financials

actually made sense,

and that's YellowFin.

Now, how did you know

about this impending marriage?

- l just...

- Kupida said they might get married.

ChemStar.

You said to buy because it was sparkly.

Yes?

- Yeah, okay...

- A data-wire

came in during the meeting.

During the meeting.

"ChemStar finalizes plans to expand

"bauxite excavation

in its New Guinea mine.

"Stock up 18%."

Bauxite.

It's sparkIe gIue.

- Sparkly.

- Sparkly.

NeoDyne. You said to get out.

Do you remember why?

- Do you?

- Yes.

l wrote this down.

"Because their pants

were coming down,

"and everyone was going to see

their underwear,

"which was filled with poop."

Yeah, l remember that.

Lunchtime today, they were exposed

by the SEC for corporate fraud.

Pants pulled down.

And their books? Total poop!

So l'm asking you again.

How did you know all of this?

- Are you insider trading?

- No. No, Tom. No way, never.

Then what are you doing?

Where are you getting this information?

- So it's the goo-gaa?

- That's how l go there.

What do you mean you go there?

Go where?

- To where the princesses live.

- Right. The princesses.

That's Kupida and Qwali

and all of them, right?

Qwali's a queen.

Kupida, Mopida and Sopida

are princesses.

- Okay, got you.

- How many times do l have to tell you?

Right. Right.

Okay, let me get this right now.

Now, they tell you things

about companies?

Well, you know what,

l got a couple of other companies

l want you to ask them about.

Do you think they'll be up to that?

You can do it yourself.

l can ask them myself.

l can go there with you?

Yes, it'll be fun.

Okay.

A little more room here.

- Now, l do what now?

- Okay.

- l take the goo-gaa.

- You hold it up to your face.

- Hold it up to my face.

- And rub in little circles.

- Okay, l'm doing it in little circles. Okay.

- Like this.

Now you put it over your head, like this.

Okay. Now what?

And you kind of call them in your mind

while you spin around in circles.

Okay. So l call to them in my mind

while l spin in a circle.

- Yeah.

- Okay, l'm spinning. l'm spinning.

Keep spinning. Keep spinning.

l'm spinning around.

Are you calling them in your mind?

Yeah.

Okay. So am l supposed to just

keep spinning and spinning around?

'Cause l'm a tad bit nauseous now.

Okay, we're there!

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