In the Army Now

Well, uh,

here's lookin'at you...

- pilgrim.

- Laughing.

- So, Jack, this is good.

- What are we gonna do tonight?

You know what?

I was gonna ask you.

- Can Gabriella hook me up with her, uh...

- Oh, you know what?

She's got this new friend

she met the other day at the mall.

- Her name is Rosa.

- Yeah?

- She's Spanish. Espanol.

- Si, si, senor.

But the only thing-

Wow, watch out for that.

The thing is, Rosa,

she's kind of dumb.

Watch out for the water.!

Water, water.! Aah.!

Whoa.!

- She's kinda like, she's kinda like... large.

- That's good for me.

Bones, look out.!

You're gonna get killed.!

If it's too hot for ya, son,

get outta the kitchen.

This is war.

No room for the faint ofheart.

When you're in the heat ofbattle,

and you lean down...

and put your hand

in a puddle of goo...

that two seconds before

was your friend's face...

that is war, son,;

now that is war.!

This right here?

This is just a game.

- Look at this road right here. See that?

- Hop it.

Boom.! Watch this.

Doin'great.

- That's nice.

- See how I just blow those guys?

- Look. Now there's the thing.

- Look up! Look up!

No, on the-

Ooh.

Game over.

You are dead.

Shouldn't we get back to work?

I'm working. Look, I'm testing out

new products.

What are you so paranoid for, anyways?

Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store.

Quinn's gonna fire your ass

from this place.

Do you think I'm scared

of that- What is he?

He looks like Lurch.

Hey, I'm Quinn.

- Are you afraid of him?

- No.

Bones?

Quinn's lookin' for you.

I told him you were

playin' video games.

Hold this, okay? I gotta do somethin'.

Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh?

This is all for you.

See all the money I'm savin'?

Wow, Quinn, look at you!

You're lookin' fantastic!

Is that a new suit?

It's got to be Armani.

Oh, it's J.C. Penney.

At least you wear it well.

Is that Brut I smell?

What did we say about

leaving the sales floor?

You told me not to,

and I won't.

If this place catches fire,

I'm sellin' tape decks to the firemen.

You're not selling anything

to anybody!

- That's why we're letting you go.

- Where?

- Home.

- No, no, Quinn. Hey, you can't fire me.

C'mon! I'm a Crazy Boy!

I'm a dedicated Crazy Boy.

- Bones, let's not drag this out.

- Quinn, look. C'mon. Please.

My rent's due. My mom needs

another tummy tuck. Please.

- No, Bones. No, not this time.

- Please, there's a lot of personal-

Please don't let me go,

Quinn. I could be crazier.

Let go of my leg!

I could be totally insane!

- Bones, let go of my leg.

- Bones, you have a customer waiting.

You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn.

I have a customer...

a customer who evidently

asked for me by name.

- Hi.! May I help you, miss?

- Yes.

You sold me this Watchman last week,

and I have to return it.

I knew you'd be returning it.

It's too small. It'll ruin your eyesight.

Besides, I could tell

the one you really want is this one.

This is our

top-of-the-line.

Our very best 35"

projection stereo color monitor...

with advanced

super-digital P-in-P.

I'm sorry.

That's way out of my price range.

Not with our $200 rebate,

no money down...

ten-month deferred,

64-month layaway plan.

You ask yourself,

"How could it be?" Right?

Because-a we're-a

Crazy Boys!

- Sorry, they make us do that.

- That's a very nice offer, but-

- Plus this screen promotes good eyesight.

- Really?

Four out of five optometrists

recommend it.

Okay,

I'll take it.

Okay, fantastic.

I'm gonna take this to the cashier,

and I'm gonna arrange everything.

Thank you very much.

- ... needed for a carryout.

- Huh?

Hmm? C'mon. Am I not

still a Crazy Boy?

That is Brut I smell,

you pervert.

Heh-heh-heh.

Bones!

C'mon.

Shh. Coming.

Friends of both parties...

have been making frequent

appearances at the courthouse all day.

Gabriella,

you were outstanding.

Yeah, right. This is the last time

I save your butt, okay?

- I work too, you know.

- I know. It was an emergency.

- The guy was about to fire me.

- It's always an emergency.

- They better take that TVback.

- They're gonna take it back.

Now, how 'bout giving

your little Italian sausage man...

a little kissy-pooh?

The U.S. has

issued strong warnings-

You are so irresponsible!

Can't you be serious

for one minute?

Okay, I'll be serious.

Let's get naked.

Not now!

Not here!

- Why? Don't you love me anymore?

- Yes.

Of course I love you.

But look,your boss

is gonna catch us.

I don't care about that perverted fatso

in a J.C. Penney suit.

Bones!

Jack, turn it off!. Turn it off!.

Turn it off!.

Well, uh-

I can't believe

he actually fired us.

Bones, we blew up

22 TV sets.

- Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties?

- I'm sorry, man.

- I didn't realize Quinn could see you in all of those TVs.

- No problemo, my friend.

I was sick of gettin' down on my knees

for that guy, anyway...

Whoa!

Bones, I had no idea.

- begging for my job.

- I know.

You know what,Jack? This is amazing.

You know what this does?

- Yeah.

- This brings us one step closer...

to the... store.

No, no, no. What this does is bring us

one step closer to living in the Dumpster.

How are we gonna get rent for the store

if we don't have rent for our apartment?

Excuse me.

Can we play through?

- Yeah.

- Thank you.

Sorry, we were

just discussing-

- Hey! - Oh,

my god! - Army!

Navy.! Air Force.!

Marines.!

No.

Did you order a code red?

Answer me!

Did you order

a code red, man?

You want the truth?

You can't handle the truth.

Yea.!

He's goofin' off.

C'mon, Bones.

- Wow, that was my Nicholson impression.

- Good.

I do it sometimes

when I play golf.

- Bones, c'mon, man!

- I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.

When you join the Army, is it true

you have to give your whole life away?

- Nah. It's nothin' like that with us.

- We're in the Reserves.

What's that?

Let's just get

this straight here.

After our basic training, we owe you

two weeks a year and one weekend a month...

for which we get paid.

And on top of it, you're gonna throw in

$2,500 just for signing up?

Basically, yes.

Wow! Then how come everybody

isn't in the Reserves?

Do people actually know

about this stuff?

Well, we do try

to advertise.

Oh, yeah.

"It's not a job, it's an adventure. "

No, that's the Navy.

- "The few and the proud"?

- No, that's the Marines.

Hmm. "Keep going,

going and gone"?

- No, no. That's the, um, Energizer bunny.

- Gentlemen.

We're,

"Be all you can be. "

# In the Ar-Army #

You need us,

and we need you.

It's a win-win situation.

I got one more question.

Could I get a pen?

Oh, no. Actually, could

we just have a second...

- uh, amongst ourselves?

- Certainly.

Take all the time

you need.

Just hold

that ballpoint.

Whew.!

- Just one-

- C'mere.

This is insane!

"Why doesn't everybody join?"

- Weren't you listening to him in there?

- Shh.

- It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us.

- You're going nuts.

We are the beneficiaries. We get

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