Ingrid Bergman in Her Own Words Page #8

like I do with everybody.

I am difficult. I argue about the scenes,

the dialogues, the setups.

I don't argue for my sake.

It isn't that I try to improve my part.

I try to improve the movie, the situation,

for everybody.

I want it to be the best possible.

But I sometimes am very clumsy,

and I don't use any diplomatic way

of telling something.

I'm very open and frank

and put my foot in it.

If she wants to sulk...

If the girl wants to sulk,

even though she's asked her...

She told me,

because she thought she was angelic

She always said,

"I'm available. I work so hard."

And she always said,

"I'm the easiest person to work with."

And then, after working on Autumn Sonata,

seeing the documentary

- Yeah.

- She came home and she said,

"I am really difficult. I never realized."

- Exactly

- I don't think she realized

that her honesty sometimes

could be cutting.

When my daughter plays

the piano, I have a close-up.

The mother is watching her daughter.

And I had nothing to do

but watch her play.

Then Ingmar came up after a while

I'd done a couple of takes

and said, "What are you thinking of?"

So I said, "Well, I'm thinking

that my poor daughter,

she never really

could play the piano, could she?

And a little mistake there.

But she's cute as she's sitting,

but, oh, that was not good."

And he said, "You're thinking all wrong.

She is not even listening

to her daughter playing.

She knows that the daughter

is not a pianist.

She's watching the girl,

and she remembers when she was

a little girl that ran across the lawn,

and how happy the mother was

when she stretched out her arms,

and the little girl ran into her arms."

And it gave me a completely

new way of thinking.

That is what a good director can do.

He gives you the thought

so then you can project that.

My little Eva.

- That's all you have to say?

- No. I'm just very touched.

- Did you love it?

- I love you.

I don't understand.

Play another piece. It's pleasant.

- Did I make a mistake?

- No, not at all.

You try naturally,

being an actress

actors don't have the same worry.

But actresses, of course,

like to look beautiful

and young as long as possible.

But it is very difficult.

You can do it a little more on the stage,

where you're not so close to the audience.

You can fake ten, 15 years.

But on the screen you see the age.

And it takes courage

to take all the makeup off

and really show what you are in real life.

He gave me courage. I said to him,

"Oh, my God,

when my fans see me like this,

I'll lose them all."

And he said, "Don't worry.

I'll get you new ones."

She saved everything.

She kept things. She held onto things.

She kept her

Well, look. Here's her passport

from when she's a little girl.

Who has their passport from this age?

But she did.

She has her diaries. She had letters.

She saved things.

She saved her school papers.

She saved her children's school papers.

And when you think about her moving from

country to country to country,

because she did do that.

She immigrated and re-immigrated

and re-immigrated.

And she lived in different places,

but she saved it all.

She packed it up and took it with her

and held onto it.

This is her family life.

Being able to hold these things together

and have them

is her equivalent, as she was maturing,

of going home to visit her parents.

She couldn't go home to visit her parents,

but she could go to her trunks

to visit her things

that reminded her of her years with them,

or of her life.

She always said to me,

"I wanna die with my boots on."

And for her being active

it wasn't just being a mom.

That was just natural biological behavior.

But choices. It was acting.

The relationship with my mother was always

very intimate, and yet...

it's almost contradictory,

it was almost a friendship.

When she was very ill and in pain,

I wanted to distract and amuse her

but I didn't know how to.

What I did,

but also because it interested me,

was to get her to tell me

episodes of her life.

We spent nights

telling stories and anecdotes,

laughing together

about certain situations.

It did her good.

On one hand

because it helped her forget her illness,

and at the end she was in a lot of pain,

but also because it was a way

of telling people around her

her life story.

She always said,

"I don't regret anything."

As her daughter, it hurt.

She didn't regret anything,

but we missed her so much.

It's difficult.

Put yourself in my shoes, as her daughter.

Later on, I understood

that she thought everyone

should be fulfilled,

by following their hearts, their passions,

by being oneself.

I think that is what she meant.

You know, people have said,

"Do you think there will ever be

a Mommie Dearest book about your mother?"

And I said, "None of us

None of us would dream of doing that."

She was just too much fun to be with.

She played. She was a player.

And she played it

with real life sometimes.

She went where the wind took her,

but she was so amusing to be with.

That the only thing

that any of her children feel

is we wish we had more of her.

We just wish she'd been around more.

What I missed was not a lot of mothering

or something, or making cookies.

I just missed her presence.

And because she was

so delightfully open and amusing,

I craved my whole life

to have more of her.

My voice is daylight

And all that live there

My voice is colors

I sing the words about us

And the violet misty sunset

I sing the straight line

I sing refractions

And what your head is thinking

And all the feelings in between

They have each other to cling

I sing the shadows

And all that live there

I sing the openings

I sing the movie 'bout us

And the violet misty sunset

I sing the heart's will

I sing the columns there

I sing the breakers

I sing the steps that we take

And the air between them

I sing the surface

And all the furrows there

I sing the body's desire

Expectations of fire

While heaven roars above us

Eternal is eternity

I sing for our love to be

A beginning without end

My voice is daylight

And all that live there

I sing the openings

I sing the movie 'bout us

And the violet misty sunset

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