Interstate 60 Page #8

the art world thinks that the original is in Paris.

Unbelievable.

So there're all originals?

So what one do, with a collection like this?

You tell everyone they're fakes.

And so, just before he died, Oscar created this.

The Museum of Art Fraud.

The worlds grates art museum.

Masquerading as a cheap tourist attraction.

Oh, my God... that's...

My husband... Oscar Warren James.

Of course.

I must say, I was feeling pretty damn good.

Hell I was feeling inspired.

I wanted to deliver the package,

and then I wanted to go out and paint.

And I wished I could go back in time,

and enter a piece in Conrad Competition.

But... I'd had my one wish.

And I couldn't look back.

Hot and Cool.

I'm getting warmer, I'm getting colder.

Of course.

Eight Ball,

that girl is not in Danver

and her name is not Robin, isn't it?

Is she in Morlaw?

So, if I go there, will I find her?

So there it was...

The proverbial fork in the road.

My job. The word I'd given.

The contract I'd signed.

Versus the lovely Lynn.

The girl of my dreams.

Her musical voice in my head, leading me ...

Where?

So what did I do?

I did what any self respecting

hopeless romantic would do.

I rationalized.

Five days to go 158 miles.

I got time to chase a dream, right Eight Ball?

Good answer.

Drivers Licence.

What did I do, officer?

Nothing.

You're served.

You're being sued by Mr. J.J. Madison,

for your responsibility ...

in a hit and run kill of his pat cat Snickers,

three weeks ago in front of the Courthouse.

But I've never been here before.

I was in St. Louis three weeks ago.

Tell it to the judge.

I'm just process serving.

Meanwhile I suggest you head to the town

and hire yourself a lawyer...

You're gonna need one.

But first...

park your car in that lane over there, by the lake,

you can get sued for polluting the air.

Hey Mr., I'm really good, check it out

Stanford, class of 88.

Suma cum laude, but more important I know the angles.

You don't need a lawyer.

You need a good lawyer, and that's me.

Parkinson, and that's the only name you need to remember.

These other guys...

- I'm uninterested.

- Valerie McCabe. Year of 91.

I've got special rates for visitors.

And I know I can win your case.

You don't even know my case.

The Madison case?

Happens to visitors all the time.

Fact is, J.J Madison doesn't even have a cat.

He's allergic.

I can have it thrown out in no time.

Wait. He never had a cat?

So why he's gonna sue somebody for it?

Because he can.

What?

Every adult citizen of Morlaw,

is a lawyer.

So everybody sues everybody else.

It doesn't matter if there is a cause.

It's how we make sure that

everybody makes a living off the profession.

Yeah, but that's insane.

I can sue you for that.

You just made a defamatory remark

about this town.

Hey, are you looking at my legs.

I can sue you for that too.

Sexual harassment.

Is there anything you can't sue me for?

Hire me. That way everything between us is

subject to attorney-client privilege.

I'm $75 an hour. First hour is free.

Well, at least you know my case.

All right. You're hired.

Im suing you Valerie...

For the sexual enticement or the appearance thereof

of the potential client on the public thoroughfare.

He only hired you,

because he found you sexually attractive.

Hurry. My office.

We can get lots a dozen more law suits,

just walking down the street.

This will be essential.

Shouldn't make more then a couple of weeks.

Weeks?

No, no, no.

I have to be in Danver on October 2nd.

It can't take that long.

That's not long.

Long is our City limit sign.

We've been trying to get knew one

put up for five years now.

But we forgot a file an environmental impact report,

and as metal in signpost ...

is a potentially hazardous substance.

We're in court over that.

And another lawyer is challenging

the census figure on the sign.

And another lawyer said we had to do another

land survey to determine the exact city limits,

so we know precisely where to put the sign.

So we brought an Surveyor.

But he got sued for smoking,

and wasn't enjoined from finishing the survey.

I say we're at least two years,

from a new sign.

And you chose to live here?

I wouldn't live anywhere else.

Every day is a new challenge.

A new precedent.

A new interpreting of the law.

It's an intellectual feast.

So if everyone who lives here is a lawyer,

How do you live?

I mean, who runs the grocery store...

Who does your dry cleaning...

Who fixes the shitter, when it breaks?

Well, we all moonlight on a law related jobs.

Police, bailiffs, court reporters...

But those other trivial things,

you mentioned?

They're done by people like you.

Awaiting trial.

It's the only way they can

afford their legal fees.

Now, I can get you a hearing

on Monday October 1st.

Meanwhile...

We'll have to call witnesses,

to testify as your character.

You know, Family.

Friends.

So, that you can qualify for your employment

program. It'll help keep cost down.

So tomorrow morning, why don't you get me

their names and numbers,and I'll subpoena them.

Well, even if they could get here...

Wouldn't they get sued too?

Of course.

But you'll identify them, and their problems

will fall on your shoulders,

which means more work for me.

I have those phone numbers

They're in my car.

I'm gonna go get them.

And I'm gonna make few calls, and be right back.

No you wont.

Fred... Mr. Oliver is a potential fugitive.

- Lock him up.

- Lock me up?

Of course.

We lawyers have to protect out livelihood.

Hey, you can't do this to me.

I have rights.

I know you do, sweetie.

I'm here to protect them.

I couldn't even blame the Eight Ball.

It said a meeting was possible.

Yeah, right...

A meteor wiping out Morlaw

was possible too.

Probably more possible than ever meeting Lynn.

Lynn!

Over here!

I'm gonna get you out!

I'm gonna get you out!

In order to get her out,

I had to get me out.

But jailbreak, was clearly not happening.

Ditto for a tunnel job.

I needed an answer,

and my Eight ball was in the car.

Damn it.

There had to be a way,

to blow this thing wide open.

And then I knew.

My lawyer needed a character witness.

I needed a witness

who was a character.

Please, state your name and occupation.

Robert Wilson Cody.

I'm...

what you might call it an axe grinder.

Mr. Cody...

please, tell the court how you know the defendant.

He was my employee.

And how would you characterize him?

Honest. Trustworthy. Intelligent.

Ask him if he's aware that

the charge against me is a lie,

and that everyone here knows it.

It's immaterial.

He can only testify as the character.

Just ask him.

The judge will pull it immaterial.

You ask him... or I'll fire you.

Mr. Cody...

Are you aware that the charge against Mr. Oliver

is not only a complete lie, but that the judge,

the plaintiff and every citizen here know it?

Objection! Immaterial. It has nothing

to do with the character of the accused.

Sustained.

Wait a minute miss... You'rer saying

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