Interview

I'm not just saying this

'cause you're my brother.

Or even DC.

I'm telling you Robert.

These cowboys are going down.

But do I get to cover Washington?

No.

I have the unique privilege...

...of interviewing Katya.

Do you know who she is?

I mean she's more famous for

who she sleeps with than anything else.

And for her fluctuating tit size.

She's a real maverick, this one.

She's had them reduced.

Too bad for me, huh?

Now I've got nothing

to look forward to.

Hey, I'd offer you one. But it would be

like spitting in the ocean, right?

Robert.

I know you like big tits.

Remember that night?

Remember the night I danced with Tiria,

when I first introduced you to Brenda?

I brought her over and you looked

right at her chest and you said:

'It's nice to meet you both.'

She liked you. You know.

Well, I don't want to keep

her majesty waiting.

You're gonna be okay.

Come on. You know that.

All right?

It's not fair, is it?

I know.

That's not fair.

I know.

Don't be afraid.

God, I hate my character.

Should we run at it again?

No. I think I'm supposed

to be somewhere.

'Do you realize

everybody loves you now?'

Sh*t. I'm late.

Come on, Larry.

There's gonna be more indictments.

This is just the crack on the dam.

Kidding me?

You know if I get on a train within the hour,

I could be in Washington by midnight.

Well.

I mean she's not even here.

Sir!

Hold on.

Maybe she called.

I'm sorry sir but we do have

a policy about cell phones.

Okay. I'm sorry.

Still there?

Yeah. Look, I'm ready to split.

I can leave right now.

No. We definitely said seven.

Well, maybe she doesn't

know how to tell time.

Why am I so hostile?

I've been waiting

almost an hour already.

I'm sorry.

How are you?

Newsworld?

I'm from Newsworld.

Oh I'm sorry.

I realize you're a person.

I try to be.

Pierre Peders.

I'm sorry. Peter Peders?

Pierre Peders.

Ah, I see. I see.

Enchant.

Hey, I was just wondering...

I'm sorry. One second.

Yeah. No, I just got here.

Yeah.

Okay. I'm gonna

have to call you back.

Before I forget.

What time is that thing on Sunday?

All right. I'll talk to you later.

Okay. Bye.

I was just wondering if there was any

way we could have my usual table.

I'm so sorry. It must have

been a mix-up. It's already taken.

I just...I feel a little exposed here.

Let me see what I can do.

Thank you so much, Donald.

Thank you.

I'm sorry I'm a little late.

No, don't be silly.

Traffic?

Ha? No.

No. My loft is just a couple

of blocks away.

Thank you very much.

I really appreciate it.

Please. We're crazy about you.

Glad to see you in one piece.

I heal rather nicely, don't I?

Oh, my God. That last one...

So intense.

He dragged me twice. Sadist.

Jerrie's right. You loved it.

And you're in the new one, right?

As a ghost?

I can't say.

You're just gonna have to go see it.

Come on.

- I can't.

We'll go see it.

Have a nice dinner.

Take care.

Thank you so much, Dennis.

Donald.

Donald!

Donald, sorry.

Well.

They certainly loved

your slasher movie.

The horror film? Yeah. They seem to.

Were you...?

Were you in the first one?

In the original?

No.

I wasn't born.

That was a long time ago.

But you came into it in...When?

Isn't it 'Body'?

It's 'Body', it's 'Killer'...

Killer Body - Part 4.

And you play a ghost?

Or something?

No.

No. Not exactly.

Did they not send you a screener?

Normally you get sent screeners before.

Yeah. I know it's...

It's in my bag.

Hello.

Hi.

What can I get you to drink?

I think I will have a

raspberry Martini, please.

Thanks.

Miss!

I'm sorry.

Another Scotch?

It's Maker's Mark.

Sure.

And I'll be back with menus.

I'm not eating. We're not...

I mean unless you're hungry.

No.

Okay.

So.

Mr. Pierre Pierre.

What's that for?

My tape recorder had a stroke.

It occurred to me that

I could record sound with this.

Ah, sure. Yes.

I won't take the cap off. Okay?

- No, that's fine.

Katya.

The one and only.

What kind of a name is it?

It's a Russian name.

Kat-ya.

Are your parents Russian?

No, my mother is Dutch.

And my father is...

What city is she from?

Amsterdam.

Amsterdam - Sin City.

I've never been.

You should go.

I've been many times.

Legal prostitution.

And your father? I'm sorry.

Do you know anything

about me at all?

It's all right...

I mean they sent me a brief, but...

You didn't read it?

I mean it's fine.

You just don't seem to really...

No, I'd rather...

Get to know.

Yeah.

- Right.

And I'm sorry I have

not seen any of your films.

I know you.

I guess I know you more

by your reputation.

You mean by who I'm f***ing.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Enjoy.

Okay. I'm...

You're gonna have to forgive me.

I don't...

I don't usually do this.

You don't normally do interviews?

Not with actresses.

Okay.

I usually handle politics.

Washington.

International.

So that's your excuse for

being unprepared.

Because I'm not a member of

the Senate or a general?

Did they mention to you that I actually

happen to be Secretary for Sex Education?

You know if you f*** the right

people in this administration...

You can be the

head of FEMA in no time.

Okay. Look, I'm...

I'm really tired.

Anyway, we really...

Let's not do this now.

No. I'm sorry. Let's...

I'm sorry.

Could you sign something for me?

Like my iPod?

Of course. Sure.

What's your name?

Theodor.

Theo is fine.

To Theo.

Love.

Katya.

There you go.

Thanks.

Sorry.

Well, you must get that a lot, huh?

You wouldn't believe half the stuff

I've been asked to sign.

Bicycles, cars, shoes.

Breasts.

Forehead once.

You really don't care at all, do you?

I'm sorry. It's just a little odd for

a journalist to be so uncurious.

I'm sorry I have to say it, you know.

No. No. I apologize.

Am I being unprofessional?

Oh, I think so, don't you?

Just a little?

Do you know how long

I've waited here for you?

No, I do not.

Over an hour.

And yes. Somebody should have called.

Maybe you don't know this

but there's a shitstorm brewing

in Washington.

And my editor wanted to

send me to Washington tonight.

So I can be there for the

press conference tomorrow.

But...

Here I am. For you.

So.

How are we doing?

I think we'll just

get the check please.

Of course.

- Thank you.

Great. Thanks.

You know if you're this

big-time political pundit...

Then why would they send you

to interview me?

Look, I don't know any more

than you do why they sent me.

Maybe they thought it was important.

So like I said, here I am. All right?

Why don't we make the best of it?

Okay, but...

If this is your best then...

It's not a joke.

Oh, and I am?

Here you are.

Thank you.

I'll get it.

No, it's fine. I'll get it.

I have an expense account.

I have a bank account.

Please...

It's my pleasure.

You know what?

It's been very nice wasting

time with you, Peter Peders.

You too, C*nt-ya.

And go f*** yourself.

Thank you. Good-bye.

Can it just be pretty quick?

All right. Have a nice night!

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