Into the Woods Page #17

Stop! I said stop!

They do. The BAKER moves to JACK.

BAKER (CONT'D)

Where did you find this?

The WITCH releases JACK.

JACK:

I’m sorry, sir...

BAKER:

It’s my wife’s!

JACK:

I’m sorry. I came upon her. She was at

the bottom of a cliff...

BAKER:

What are you saying?

JACK can’t say the words.

CINDERELLA:

How awful...

BAKER:

No. No...!

As the truth sinks in.

BAKER (CONT’D)

This is my fault. I let her wander off

alone. I should have made her stay

with me.

WITCH:

(impatient)

Remorse will get you nowhere.

BAKER:

(angry)

My wife is dead!

WITCH:

Wake up! When you’re dead, you’re

dead.

(goes after JACK)

Now it’s time to get this boy to the

Giant before we’re all-CINDERELLA

and LRRH block her way.

CINDERELLA:

Keep away from him.

LRRH:

No!

WITCH:

This is no time to be soft-hearted!

He’s going to the Giant and I’m taking

him.

The BAKER grabs hold of JACK.

BAKER:

Yes! He’s the one to blame! It’s

because of you there’s a giant in our

midst and my wife is dead!

JACK:

BUT IT ISN’T MY FAULT,/ I WAS GIVEN

THOSE BEANS!/ YOU PERSUADED ME TO

TRADE AWAY/ MY COW FOR BEANS!/ AND

WITHOUT THOSE BEANS/ THERE’D HAVE BEEN

NO STALK/ TO GET UP TO THE GIANTS/ IN

THE FIRST PLACE!

This becomes one big game of “tag”, the group reconstituting

itself as they gang up on whomever they think is the guilty

party.

BAKER:

WAIT A MINUTE--/ MAGIC BEANS/ FOR A

COW SO OLD/ THAT YOU HAD TO TELL/ A

LIE TO SELL/ IT, WHICH YOU TOLD!/ WERE

THEY WORTHLESS BEANS?/ WERE THEY

OVERSOLD?/ OH, AND TELL US WHO/

PERSUADED YOU/ TO STEAL THAT GOLD!

LRRH:

(to JACK)

SEE, IT’S YOUR FAULT.

JACK:

NO!

BAKER:

YES, IT’S YOUR FAULT.

JACK:

NO!

LRRH:

YES, IT IS!

JACK:

IT’S NOT!

BAKER:

IT’S TRUE.

JACK:

WAIT A MINUTE, THOUGH--/ I ONLY

STOLE THE GOLD/ TO GET MY COW BACK/

FROM YOU!

They turn on the BAKER.

LRRH:

SO IT’S YOUR FAULT!

JACK:

YES!

BAKER:

NO, IT ISN’T!/ I’D HAVE KEPT THOSE

BEANS,/ BUT OUR HOUSE WAS CURSED./ SHE

MADE US GET A COW/ TO GET THE CURSE

REVERSED!

They march over to the WITCH who stands firm.

WITCH:

IT’S HIS FATHER’S FAULT/ THAT THE

CURSE GOT PLACED/ AND THE PLACE GOT

CURSED/ IN THE FIRST PLACE!

LRRH:

OH./ THEN IT’S HIS FAULT!

WITCH:

SO.

CINDERELLA:

IT WAS HIS FAULT.

JACK:

NO.

BAKER:

YES, IT IS,/ IT’S HIS.

CINDERELLA:

I GUESS...

JACK:

(to CINDERELLA)

WAIT A MINUTE, THOUGH--/ I CHOPPED

DOWN THE BEANSTALK,/ RIGHT? THAT’S

CLEAR./ BUT WITHOUT ANY BEANSTALK,/

THEN WHAT’S QUEER/ IS HOW DID THE

SECOND GIANT GET DOWN HERE/ IN THE

FIRST PLACE?/ SECOND PLACE...

CINDERELLA:

YES!

LRRH:

HOW?

BAKER:

HMM...

JACK:

WELL,/ WHO HAD THE OTHER BEAN?

BAKER:

THE OTHER BEAN?

CINDERELLA:

THE OTHER BEAN?

JACK:

YOU POCKETED THE OTHER BEAN.

BAKER:

I DIDN’T!/ YES, I DID.

LRRH:

SO IT’S YOUR FAULT--!

BAKER:

NO, IT ISN’T/ ‘CAUSE I GAVE IT TO MY

WIFE!

LRRH:

SO IT’S HER FAULT--!

BAKER:

NO, IT ISN’T!

CINDERELLA:

THEN WHOSE IS IT?

BAKER:

(to CINDERELLA)

WAIT A MINUTE!/ SHE EXCHANGED THAT

BEAN/ TO OBTAIN YOUR SHOE,/ SO THE ONE

WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED/ TO THE BEAN

IS YOU!

Moving on CINDERELLA.

CINDERELLA:

YOU MEAN THAT OLD BEAN/ THAT YOUR WIFE

--? OH, DEAR--/ BUT I NEVER KNEW,/ AND

SO I THREW--/ WELL, DON’T LOOK HERE!

LRRH:

SO IT’S YOUR FAULT!

CINDERELLA:

BUT-

JACK:

SEE, IT’S HER FAULT--!

CINDERELLA:

BUT-

JACK:

AND IT ISN’T MINE AT ALL!

BAKER:

(to CINDERELLA)

BUT WHAT?

CINDERELLA:

(to JACK)

WELL, IF YOU HADN’T GONE/ BACK UP

AGAIN-

JACK:

WE WERE NEEDY-

CINDERELLA:

YOU WERE GREEDY!/ DID YOU NEED THAT

HEN?

JACK:

BUT I GOT IT FOR MY MOTHER--!

LRRH:

SO IT’S HER FAULT THEN!

CINDERELLA:

YES, AND WHAT ABOUT THE HARP/ IN THE

THIRD PLACE?

BAKER:

THE HARP--YES!

They turn on LRRH.

JACK:

SHE WENT AND DARED ME TO!

LRRH:

I DARED YOU TO?

JACK:

YOU DARED ME TO!/ SHE SAID THAT I WAS

SCARED-

LRRH:

ME?

JACK:

--TO./ SHE DARED ME!

LRRH:

NO, I DIDN’T!

BAKER/CINDERELLA/JACK

SO IT’S YOUR FAULT!

LRRH:

WAIT A MINUTE--!

Every man for himself because there’s enough blame to go

around.

CINDERELLA BAKER

(to LRRH)(to JACK)

IF YOU HADN’T DARED HIM TO--AND YOU HAD LEFT THE HARP

ALONE,/

WE WOULDN’T BE IN TROUBLE/ IN

THE FIRST PLACE!

LRRH (CONT’D)CINDERELLA

(to CINDERELLA)(points to the WITCH)

WELL, IF YOU HADN’T THROWN WELL, IF SHE HADN’T RAISED

AWAY THE BEAN/ IN THE FIRST THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE--!

PLACE--!/ IT WAS YOUR FAULT!

JACK:

YES, IF YOU HADN’T RAISED THEM IN THE

FIRST PLACE--!

They turn to the WITCH who has her back to them.

LRRH/BAKERCINDERELLA

RIGHT! IT’S YOU WHO RAISED YOU RAISED THE BEANS IN THE

THE BEANS IN THE FIRST PLACE--FIRST PLACE!

!

JACK (CONT’D)

IT’S YOUR FAULT!

CINDERELLA/JACK/LRRH/BAKER

(charging the WITCH)

YOU’RE RESPONSIBLE!/ YOU’RE THE ONE TO

BLAME!/ IT’S YOUR FAULT!

The WITCH turns on them. She is holding the BAKER’S BABY in

her arms.

WITCH:

Shhhhhhh!

IT’S THE LAST MIDNIGHT./ IT’S THE LAST

WISH./ IT’S THE LAST MIDNIGHT,/ SOON

IT WILL BE BOOM--/ SQUISH!

TOLD A LITTLE LIE,/ STOLE A LITTLE

GOLD,/ BROKE A LITTLE VOW,/ DID YOU?

HAD TO GET YOUR PRINCE,/ HAD TO GET

YOUR COW,/ HAD TO GET YOUR WISH,/

DOESN’T MATTER HOW--/ ANYWAY IT

DOESN’T MATTER NOW.

She thrusts the BABY into the BAKER’S arms.

WITCH (CONT’D)

IT’S THE LAST MIDNIGHT,/ IT’S THE BOOM

--/ SPLAT!/ NOTHING BUT A VAST

MIDNIGHT,/ EVERYBODY SMASHED FLAT!

NOTHING WE CAN DO--/ NOT EXACTLY

TRUE:
/ WE CAN ALWAYS GIVE HER THE BOY.

She lunges for JACK, but LRRH and CINDERELLA put themselves

in her path.

WITCH (CONT’D)

NO?/ NO, OF COURSE WHAT REALLY MATTERS

IS THE BLAME,/ SOMEONE YOU CAN BLAME./

FINE, IF THAT’S THE THING YOU ENJOY,/

PLACING THE BLAME,/ IF THAT’S THE

AIM,/ GIVE ME THE BLAME--/ JUST GIVE

ME THE BOY.

LRRH/CINDERELLA

NO!

WITCH:

No?/ YOU’RE SO NICE./ YOU’RE NOT

GOOD,/ YOU’RE NOT BAD,/ YOU’RE JUST

NICE./ I’M NOT GOOD,/ I’M NOT NICE,/

I’M JUST RIGHT./ I’M THE WITCH./

YOU’RE THE WORLD.

I’M THE HITCH,/ I’M WHAT NO ONE

BELIEVES,/ I’M THE WITCH./ YOU’RE ALL

LIARS AND THIEVES,/ LIKE HIS FATHER,/

LIKE HIS SON WILL BE, TOO--/ OH, WHY

BOTHER?/ YOU’LL JUST DO WHAT YOU DO.

(ominous)

IT’S THE LAST MIDNIGHT,/ SO GOODBYE,

ALL./ COMING AT YOU FAST, MIDNIGHT--/

SOON YOU’LL SEE THE SKY FALL.

She pulls out some BEANS from her satchel and THROWS them to

the ground where they flash upon impact. She knows that

losing the beans will be her end. The OTHERS scramble to pick

them up.

WITCH (CONT’D)

HERE, YOU WANT A BEAN?/ HAVE ANOTHER

BEAN./ BEANS WERE MADE FOR MAKING YOU

RICH!/ PLANT THEM AND THEY SOAR--/

HERE, YOU WANT SOME MORE?/ LISTEN TO

THE ROAR:
/ GIANTS BY THE SCORE--!/ OH

WELL, YOU CAN BLAME ANOTHER WITCH.

IT’S THE LAST MIDNIGHT,/ IT’S THE LAST

VERSE./ NOW, BEFORE IT’S PAST

MIDNIGHT,/ I’M LEAVING YOU MY LAST

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