Inventing the Abbotts Page #9

INVENTING THE ABBOTTS - Rev. 2/16/96 48.

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LLOYD (CONT'D)

Bryn Mawr. I should be able to

remember that. It costs enough.

HELEN:

She'll do well there -- a verybright girl.

LLOYD:

And Doug -- he's going to...?

HELEN:

He got a scholarship to theUniversity of Pennsylvania -scenic

design -- theater.

LLOYD:

Same school as...

Jacey.

HELEN:

(filling in blank)

Right. Well.

LLOYD:

Congratulations.

HELEN:

Thank you, Lloyd.

They pass each other and head their separate ways.

chance meeting has not gone unobserved:

Their

Joan Abbott has been watching them from the front seat ofLloyd's brand-new 1959 Cadillac. She pretends to repairher lipstick with her compact mirror as Lloyd slipsbehind the wheel.

And Helen finds Jacey frowning at her. He opens the doorso that she can get into the Plymouth (Doug is already inthe back seat). Jacey glares at Lloyd as he walks aroundthe car and gets in behind the wheel.

Lloyd flips down his sun visor (to block Jacey's glare)

and pulls out of his parking spot.

78 INT. IRON SKILLET RESTAURANT - THAT NIGHT 78

A waitress walks across the busy diner to Helen, Jacey,

and Doug at their table. Helen and Doug are eatingtheir desserts -- Jacey is content to brood over hiscup of coffee. The waitress puts their bill on thetable and steps away.

(CONTINUED)

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As Helen starts to open her purse Webb Crosby appears andpicks up the bill.

WEBB:

It's on the house.

HELEN:

Oh, Webb, really -- that's not

necessary.

WEBB:

How many restaurants got an IvyLeague busboy? That's worth a

free meal. Charlie'd be real

proud of these two highbrows.

HELEN:

Yes, he would. He'd be extremelyproud.

WEBB:

(to Jacey)

You take good care of your littlebrother in Philadelphia, you hearme?

Yes, sir.

JACEY:

79 EXT. ABBOTT HOME - STREET - NIGHT (SHORT TIME LATER) 79

The Holt family drives home from the restaurant -- Jaceydriving, Helen in front, and Doug in the back seat.

HELEN:

What a wonderful night. What a

wonderful day. My two Ivy Leagueboys.

This is torture for Jacey. Doug looks out the window atthe striped tent in the Abbott's front yard as they passby. A party for the "Class of 1959" is underway (as abanner on the tent proclaims). The street is lined with

parked cars and busy with late-coming guests.

Doug checks the rearview mirror for Jacey's reaction, buthis brother keeps his eyes on the road.

HELEN:

I never understood that tent. I

wonder if they own it? I'm

surprised they don't just leave itup all year long.

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

50.

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HELEN (CONT'D)

(slight beat)

Lloyd's mother was a tough oldbird. She sold eggs. They had aplace way out on Ditch Road nearCounty Line. That was ages ago.

Poor Lloyd had to walk all thatway in to school and then backeveryday. Charlie used to call

Lloyd 'Egg-head' and he didn't

mean smart.

(another beat)

I'm in the mood for ice cream.

80 EXT. HOLT HOME - FRONT PORCH - LATER THAT NIGHT 80

Jacey and Doug sit on the porch steps eating bowls of ice

cream. Helen rises from the porch swing and takes herempty bowl inside the house.

HELEN:

I think I'll have one more scoop.

Ping-pong?

DOUG:

Too hot.

JACEY:

DOUG:

You want to go out to the lake andget a couple beers?

JACEY:

No, I don't want to go out tothe...

(exhales)

Goddammit. Goddammit! Look, I

don't want you in Philadelphia. I

don't need you around to remindeverybody that I come fromHicksville, U.S.A. So if you'regoing to go to Philadelphia,

you're on your own, dip sh*t. I

don't need you riding my coattails. Christ -- why don't youget your own life? Stop being myfucking shadow.

Doug digests Jacey's insult, then scoops a ball of icecream out of his bowl with his spoon and flings the gooeyice cream into the side of Jacey's face. Doug rises andgoes to the front door.

(CONTINUED)

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Screw you.

DOUG:

JACEY:

You little prick!

Jacey hurls his BOWL at Doug -- it misses and SHATTERS onthe wall.

DOUG:

Missed me, peckerhead.

As Doug opens the screen door Jacey dives into him -they

fall into the porch swing with such force that itschains rip out of the porch ceiling and Doug, Jacey, andthe swing go overboard off the end of the porch into theshrubs.

Doug?

HELEN (O.S.)

(inside house)

Jacey? What was that?

Doug and Jacey scramble to their feet, their clothes areripped and disheveled.

JACEY:

You're dead, dip sh*t!

DOUG:

You gotta catch me first, a**hole!

Doug takes off with Jacey in hot pursuit. A few beats

later, Helen steps out onto the front porch and discoversher sons and the porch swing missing.

Jacey? Doug?

HELEN:

81 EXT. HOLT HOME AND STREET - NIGHT 81

Jacey races up a driveway -- Doug is nowhere to be seen.

JACEY:

Come on, weasel dick!

out, you chicken sh*t!

Come on

A collection of GARBAGE CANS EXPLODE in all directions as

Doug pops up from behind them and bolts down thedriveway. Jacey chases after him, following him acrossthe street. They pay no heed to Helen (in the b.g.)

standing in their front yard, calling out to them:

Douglas Lee!

HELEN:

John Charles!

52.

82 NEIGHBORHOOD - HOLT HOME

Porch lights are turning on up and down the block and theneighborhood DOGS begin to HOWL as Doug leads Jaceybetween two houses.

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83 NEIGHBORHOOD - HOLT HOME

Doug jumps up onto a tall wooden fence. He gets halfwayover when Jacey leaps up and grabs him and the fencecollapses, dumping them into a back yard vegetablegarden.

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84 NEIGHBORHOOD - HOLT HOME

Doug and Jacey wrestle and grapple in the muddy soil,

cursing each other and crushing the rows of green crops.

MRS. PORTER appears at her back door brandishing a broom.

MRS. PORTER

Git! Stop that! You two git!

She sails into combat with her broom swinging. But Dougand Jacey are unwilling to give up the fight -- they arefinally separated by a strong blast of water. Theysputter for breath and discover that Helen is holding thehose.

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85 EXT. MRS. PORTER'S HOUSE - DAY (NEXT DAY)

Helen sits in a lawn chair in the back yard wearing alarge straw hat and reading a book. Doug and Jacey arerepairing and painting the fence. Helen looks up fromher book:

HELEN:

That board doesn't look straight,

Jacey. Come on, Doug, you've beenpainting the same spot for thelast five minutes.

85

86 EXT. HOLT HOME - GARAGE - NIGHT

Doug and Jacey clean their hands with turpentine. Dougpicks up a ping-pong paddle and bounces the ball on it,

trying to see how long he can keep it bouncing. Jaceyfinishes cleaning up, picks up a paddle, and then,

without a word, Doug serves the ball and they begin tovolley.

86

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