Iowa Page #3

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on a narcotics-related crime.

That means [chuckles] you can"t

ingest any illegal substances.

You with me?.

Would you like a cigarette?.

Why are you trying

to kill me, man?.

Come on, boy.

One cigarette

ain"t gonna kill you.

Do you have X-ray vision?.

Not at the moment.

Then how"d you know

I had dope on me that night?.

Perceptive.

You see, ice has been

a family tradition

around these parts since "93.

The only good thing

about that rat poison

is the fat whores,

they get skinnier.

You ever given your urine away?.

To the toilet.

Hmm.

Well, you"re in luck.

"Cause we got a toilet

just around the corner.

You know, some dishonest people,

they let their kids

pee in the bucket,

and then they turn that in.

So now the state requires

that I watch it

come directly out of your penis.

Showtime.

Maybe you need

a little mood music.

Helps sometimes.

Hey, hey!

We have a winner.

Did you know

that your little girlfriend

has the juiciest p*ssy?.

She didn"t tell you that she

came by - your little Daisy?.

Donna.

You"re full of malarkey.

Me?.

Oh, I"ll take that from you.

Well, I"m gonna

ship this off pronto,

have the results back in a week.

I sure hope

you don"t drop dirty.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

I got to talk to you.

Okay.

I"m going nuts.

I"m going nuts.

About what?.

With the probation man?.

Okay, we got to get out of here.

That guy"s

gonna f***ing kill me.

We keep the same damn plan,

okay?.

We leave. Make money selling,

and we leave.

You with me?.

Of course I"m with you.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I love you.

Touching me like that.

You like it.

I"m not gay.

I saw you staring at me...

at my tits.

I do not stare at you.

Lose the Barbie bull.

They"re soft.

Do you want to kiss them?.

Not really.

Okay.

You"re a real slut, you know.

I"m not a slut.

I"m just open-minded.

How many people

have you had sex with?.

I"ve lost count.

But I"ve screwed blacks,

women, Mexicans,

faggots, even some animals.

That"s animal abuse.

I like women better than men.

Who was the first person

you slept with?.

My uncle.

He used to take his penis out

and wave it at me

when I was, like, 10.

They all do.

It"s the truth.

If there"s one thing I don"t

lie about, it"s my sexuality.

I don"t lie about mine, either.

How many guys you slept with?.

One.

That"s pathetic.

You ever had

a brown-eyed slammer?.

A what?.

Brown-eyed slammer.

Up the butt.

Yeah.

All we got to do

is what Donna"s doing there.

Cope.

We"ll put up a sign.

Spread the word.

You just

turn your porch light on.

Look, I got a guy in town.

I"ll make a call and put the

address out to the using public.

We turn on that porch light

out front before dark,

and you"ll have people lined up

down the street.

Clean you out in 10 minutes.

Need more cold pills.

F***ing light doesn"t work.

It needs -

It needs a new light bulb.

Look at my box, baby.

I never wrote "f***" on anything

in my whole life,

but I can"t get the "K" right

"cause I"m out of nail polish.

In Japan, F-U-C means

penis of the dragon.

Where are you from - Japan?.

No.

They invented crank.

Not the liquid version.

Kamikazes.

Nazis.

They perfected it.

How"d you learn it so good?.

My mama.

I"ll buy you some paint, okay?.

We don"t need you

learning Japanese.

Dominique, call that guy.

Get some more beer, too!

Hey, how you doing, Irv?.

Uh, sorry to bother you.

You got a second?.

Thank you.

How you doing?.

Look at that.

Huh.

Is this your daughter?.

My goodness.

Isn"t she just a little peach?.

Must be difficult

being a single father and all.

Yes, it is.

Well, I"m here

about Esper Harte.

You see, I was

Leo Harte"s probation officer.

Sorry,

I didn"t make the connection.

Now I"m Esper"s.

He was convicted on possession

with the intent to distribute.

Now, word has it he"s about to

come into a whole lot of money.

Well, that"s confidential.

I"m not at liberty

to talk about that.

I totally understand.

I was just, uh, you know,

hoping maybe you could help me

figure out why a kid

who was coming into money

would want to sell

that rat poison.

Well, you have a good evening.

Sorry about your... interruption.

You still alive?.

Yep.

I"ve been looking for you.

I"ve been real busy.

Doing what?. I haven"t seen

you or Donna for over a week.

Donna"s fine.

You got a second to talk?.

I"m kind of booked up right now.

It"s about the settlement.

Did you get the results back

or what?.

Yes, and they were positive.

Does that mean good news

or bad news?.

His urine was dirty.

He was high as a kite

when he died.

So, what happens to the money?.

Well, there isn"t any.

Nothing?.

Zero.

Esper, money isn"t God.

It just wasn"t meant to be.

Listen, Irv, I plan on marrying

your daughter someday soon,

so if there ever was a time

for a guy like you

to lose a little bit

of paperwork,

well, now would be the time.

I"m looking forward

to having grandchildren, Esper,

but I define myself through

my image in the community,

and you obviously do not.

Okay.

I"m sorry.

Esper, listen.

Esper.

I don"t want to be interfering

with either of you,

but have Donna call me.

I will.

I"ll see you, Irv.

Try to take care

of those hangovers.

Hey, you.

- Whoa.

- What are you doing?.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Relax.

This is the guy I called.

Where you been?.

Give yourself a minute

to adjust to our climate.

Sorry about the weapon.

We"ve been cooking

for a couple weeks.

Did you hear that?.

No.

They"ve been knocking on my door

all night, man.

He"s tweaked out, Joey.

You think something"s

going on out there?.!

I thought a saw a cop-looking

car scoping us out.

Are you checking him out?.

No. He"s ugly.

Well, what if he wasn"t ugly?.

I still wouldn"t like him.

You think f***ing he"s a cop?.

He - He"s a deejay.

His mouth moves, but then

he doesn"t say anything.

Not what I thought

he was saying.

- Go unload my gun.

- Calm down.

Look, can we set me up

with a couple bags?.

We cool?.

I"ll take care of it, Nick.

Ah ha ha ha.

- Mmm.

- Mmm.

Motherf***er.

Wait a minute.

You just gonna

have a go at her...

like you"re gonna f*** her

or something?.!

What, she"s your girlfriend now?.

I"m just protecting my friend.

Nick, I think

she can protect herself.

Hold on.

Just chill, boss.

I"m just gonna take my...

You son of a b*tch!

...f***ing 3 grams and go, okay?.

Take your dope and get out.

Yeah, sure, but, you know,

somebody ought to keep

that f***ing freak

on 74-hour insanity watch.

You call the cops, and I come

with this f***ing freak -

this freak - and we split

your f***ing head open, okay?.

Okay!

You f***ing put the address out,

or you leave the dope.

Okay?.

Get out.

Okay!

Hey, listen.

I"m really worried.

I need to know

if you have seen my daughter

or her - that fella - Esper.

No.

All right.

I"m sorry. I"m just -

I"m kind of nervous, that"s all.

No, I know, I know.

Look, if you do, please call me,

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