It Happened to Jane

Sam, you know that's the girls' side.

You bad boy, you.

Come on, Billy, open the trap door.

Hurry up.

There you are, buddy.

Mom, why does Sam

always wanna go in the girls' side?

Homer, I've got a manifest here

for you to sign.

- What are these doing here?

- I don't know, but they're there.

- Here's the manifest, so sign.

- I ain't signing no manifest.

- Not till I talk to Janey.

- What do you mean you're not signing?

- I can't.

- You can't make a phone call...

with a train standing here.

What's the matter with you?

I don't care anything about your train.

I'm calling Janey first. Hello?

Homer Bean called and said

you'd better get right down there.

- The lobsters just came back.

- What?

Oh, no!

Janey, I'm sorry.

Why? Homer, how could this happen?

You know I checked everything.

The train schedules, the running time.

I've kept lobsters in seaweed...

for as long as it would take

your slowest freight to go 2,000 miles.

They lived then. Why would they die now?

All I know is the Marshalltown Country Club

refused shipment Monday.

Monday?

They were supposed to be there Friday.

They arrived in Marshalltown

Friday afternoon at 4:00...

Homer, it's not my fault.

It's the railroad's fault.

They let them lay there dying till Monday,

that's what they did.

Will you sign it, Homer?

Can't they see what it says here?

"Notify consignee immediately."

It's not fair.

Janey, Harry Foster Malone proved that

two days after he took over this railroad.

I heard he was going to put bleachers

in the freight cars...

and use them for commuter trains.

Now, that ain't a man to talk to

about what's fair and what ain't fair.

Homer, I'm not gonna talk.

- What'll it be today, Janey?

- Nothing, Aaron.

Uncle Otis, tell me

what you think of this thing, will you?

"Mr. Claude Fullerton, Editor,

High River Gazette, High River, Maine.

"Dear Mr. Fullerton, as a Democratic

candidate for first selectman in Cape Anne...

"I'm asking for the endorsement

of your newspaper in the..."

I'm reading a letter to you.

Will you listen to me?

- I heard it. It's the same as last year's letter.

- It's not the same as last year's.

"The issues demand..." What's the matter?

- The E&P murdered my lobsters.

- They're murdered?

They're down at the station. Dead.

- All 300 of them.

- Wait a minute...

- They lay in the tubs like they were coffins.

- Wait a minute. How?

Those lobsters arrived in Marshalltown

Friday afternoon...

and the E&P

just let them sit there till Monday.

- But that's impossible.

- Anything's possible with the E&P.

- My first order. George, I need that money.

- Well, you're gonna get the money.

- Tires for the car, clothes for the kids...

- Calm down and listen to me.

You'll get the money

because you're right. Do you hear me?

- Do you have the bill of lading?

- You got a case at last, boy.

- Don't you have something to do?

- I'm retired.

- I've got a client, Uncle Otis.

- Okay, boy. Bye, Janey.

Good luck, lawyer.

You'll need it if you're looking to get money

from Harry Foster Malone.

- What does he mean?

- We're gonna get the money.

- Do you have the bill of lading?

- It's at the house.

- We'll go back and get it.

- All I know is that they went out Thursday...

on the fast freight,

and they came back dead on old 97.

We're going to write the railroad...

- I worked so hard.

- The railroad is going to have to pay you.

It's an open-and-shut case.

- Are you sure?

- Cub Scout's honor.

Oh, boy.

Next.

The comfort station in Providence, General.

Don't call me "General." I was a General

for exactly eight weeks.

I spent those two months

buying ski poles for mountain troops.

I'd like to know why a man who's supposed

to know how to ski has to use poles.

- What about the comfort station?

- Danning said they need to be painted.

You're confirmed on Flight 677

to Boston, Mr. Malone.

Miss Beardsley, I run a railroad.

Don't book me on airplanes. Use your head.

Miserable broad.

Doesn't know what she's doing out there.

I don't intend to paint any comfort station.

Tell Danning if he wants to paint...

he can paint them himself.

On his own time with his own paint.

- What else?

- The Memorial Day posters, General. Harry.

No broads. You need broads.

Get a couple of them. Bikinis.

How do you expect to sell tickets with that?

Get those two from...

Where were they from?

Newark.

All right, get them for me.

- What else?

- Harry, our overall earning situation...

in the 16 months

since you assumed control...

Took control.

Took control is excellent.

I'm afraid we're headed for trouble.

You must be nuts. I took this Yankee-boiled

dinner you call a railroad apart...

put it together again, and made it pay.

You're telling us we're heading for trouble.

After all, I am the general counsel

for the E&P...

and I have some knowledge

of the public psychology.

You can't continue to run roughshod

over the consumer.

This hollandaise tastes like burnt almond.

What consumer?

Get it outta here, will you?

Here's a case in point, Harry.

Mrs. Jane Osgood of Cape Anne, Maine...

owner of Mail Order Lobsters in Months

with no R, Inc.

She shipped 300 live lobsters

to Marshalltown.

They were to be delivered on arrival.

You'll remember, Harry,

that last month you cut agent service...

- at several points on our west branch.

- What about it?

The shipment arrived on Friday afternoon.

There was no agent there to receive it.

- The lobsters died on our siding.

- Do you have to tell me now?

I'm sorry.

- Take this out of here, will you?

- We are liable, Harry.

Pay them. What are you bothering me

with all this jazz for?

We thought it might be wise,

in the public relation sense...

if I accompanied Harris to Cape Anne

and delivered the check in person.

Both of you?

- Goodwill, Harry.

- Spread your "Goodwill, Harry" in one day.

I don't want more expense accounts

with hotel suites.

You boys are gonna learn

to pay for your own booze.

There's no more per diem on this ball team.

Eugene, give me some coffee.

Excuse me, young lady,

is this the Osgood home?

I'm sorry. Hello, I'm Jane Osgood.

How do you do, Mrs. Osgood?

My name is Selwyn Harris.

- This is Mr. Crawford Sloan.

- How do you do?

General Counsel of the

Eastern & Portland Railroad.

That's Sam. He's really very harmless.

Turn the television set off,

would you, please?

But, Mom, it's Rinty.

Mother has to talk business

with these gentlemen.

I want you to go downstairs and go to bed.

You can read.

- Read?

- Betty, come now, say good night.

- Good night.

- Won't you please sit down?

- Thank you.

- I don't really board lobsters.

He's the children's pet. They just love him.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Good night, sweetheart.

- I'm so sorry. Please sit down.

- Thank you.

Mr. Sloan has made this journey

especially to satisfy your claim.

That's wonderful. Thank you.

- Mrs. Osgood signs just below you, sir.

- Yes, of course.

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