It Happens Every Spring

It happens every spring

The world is young again

Where children on an up-sa-daisy swing

A carousel with horses freshly painted

The oompapa that says, "Let's get acquainted."

Well, hello. Remember me?

I was the lucky stiff married to Linda Darnell in

The Letter to Three Wives.

You just caught me thinking about the time

I was a radio announcer.

Covering sports, mostly.

There was a guy in those days

with the most amazing,

the nuttiest story I ever heard

He was a screwball named Vernon.

And he invented a baseball

nobody could hit.

Astonishing.

Screwball that he was

he certainly could pick dames.

Dames with curves nobody could miss.

Isn't he wonderful?

And then, into the sweet and wonderful romance

came one of the most

cultured, refined gentlemen I know.

Me.

Now this Vernon takes the ball nobody can hit

and parley's it into the most hilarious

dipsy-doodle adventures

that ever amazed an ape.

It happens every spring

This Kelly or Vernon is quite a character,

but he can pick dames.

You know, young lady, I could

fall in love with you myself very easy.

I'm serious, Debbie.

That's why I can't say anything.

Because if a man is really serious,

he doesn't have the right to

say anything until he can be serious.

Vernon,

what are you talking about?

It happens every spring

Your dad rolls up his sleeves

to clean the attic.

Your sixteen-year-old sister

goes dramatic.

It happens.

Yes, it happens.

It happens.

It always happens.

It happens every spring!

It happens every spring

The world is young again

Where children on an up-sa-daisy swing

A carousel with horses freshly painted

The oompapa that says, "Let's get acquainted."

What is that cheer I heard?

A fellow stealing third

Your neighbor's boy became a home-run king

Your dad rolls up his sleeves to clean the attic

Your sixteen-year-old sister goes dramatic

It happens,

Yes, it happens

It happens every spring

Well, after all, you simply can't

miss your own senior prom, Debbie.

Maybe he's never thought about it.

Why don't you drop him a few hints?

I've tried that.

But Vernon just doesn't get hints.

Well, I'll see ya.

Bye!

Hello, Miss Collins.

Is Dad busy?

Very.

Professor Forsythe is in there now.

Chemistry Forsythe?

I bet they're talking about Vernon.

I have no idea what they're talking about.

Well, I'll have to find out later.

Vernon's waiting for me.

Give Dad a message, will you?

Tell him I said not to be so nosey.

[Phone rings]

Hello?

Mr. Jack Bell?

Just a minute, please.

Will you talk to Mr. Jack Bell?

Excuse me.

Hello, Jack!

Yes, yes I got your letter.

No, of course I won't speak.

I'm trying to deemphasize athletics,

not glorify them.

I know, Alfred.

I know I'm waving a

red flag in front of a bull,

but one man we've invited might give you

some dough for that new laboratory.

Well, that sounds very interesting, Jack.

I'd like to meet him.

But, uh, not at a football dinner.

[indistinct crowd noise]

Well, goodbye.

Now, that's what I want

to talk to you about.

What do you mean? Debbie?

No, Simpson. Vernon Simpson.

Well, what about him?

Now that's what I want you to tell me, Joe.

I want to know all about him.

Well, Vernon is a fine young man.

Brilliant scholar, serious, energetic.

And his background?

He comes from upstate somewhere.

Has a widowed mother

who's as poor as a church mouse.

Why do you want to know, Alfred?

Well, you saw why just now.

Debbie seems to have taken

quite a fancy to him.

And, uh, vice-versa.

Debbie couldn't have picked a better lad.

Incidentally, he's my candidate for

director of the research labratory.

Simpson?

Yes, I intend to submit his name

to you and the board.

That is, as soon as he

completes his doctorate.

But, he's no youngster, Joe.

He should've had his PhD years ago.

Well, he spent 3 years in the South Pacific.

Chemical warfare.

And before that he worked on

a number of other ideas.

And he, uh, well

he's just had bad luck

Are you being absolutely honest with me, Joe?

Are you sure there's nothing else?

Yes, there is something, Alfred, but. . .

What is it?

Women?

No, no. It's just these phases that he goes through.

Phases? What do you mean, phases?

Well, from October to April Vernon's alert,

conscientious, and an excellent teacher.

But every spring he seems to

undergo a peculiar change.

He becomes absent-minded to a degree.

It's like spring fever,

only it lasts all summer.

He's been around our house quite a bit lately.

I haven't noticed these symptoms.

It's past the middle of April now.

Yes. Oh, he's been fine all winter, Alfred.

Only, this is just the time of the year.

I'm expecting it to hit him almost any time.

It happens every spring.

Continuing our study of the

general group know as acids

we are now coming to a

very important classification.

The most striking difference

between the various acids

containing the carboxylate group lies in their

acidic strength.

Or, we might say they are ionization constants.

Some fairly active, while others. . .

are quite inert.

Oh!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

To illustrate-

I have in this test tube acetic acid.

Like many others of a similar type,

it's a rather weak acid of low Ka value.

By adding methyl orange,

you'll notice the bright pink color.

Which tells us that acetic acid

though weak, is decidedly . . .

. . . coming home. Another run for Chicago.

is decidedly . . .

. . . second inning.

First home game of the season here in St. Louis.

Lauren gets a signal from Madigan.

He takes a strike.

He throws.

Ball one on Hardeman.

Manager Dolan looks worried.

Here he comes out of the dugout.

He doesn't wanna lose this game.

D-d-d-decidedly an acid as your knowledge

of domestic vinegar might, uh,

[Bell rings]

I'm afraid I'll have to continue

this discussion the next time.

What is it Vernon? Don't you feel well?

Oh, I feel fine, just fine.

I . . .

Well, what was it?

You acted so strangely.

You suddenly looked as if you were

a thousand miles away.

No. No, only 68.

I, I mean I was only thinking

about something else.

Was it me, Vernon?

No, no.

Vernon.

Yes?

I was thinking about it while you were lecturing.

I know you're shy and reserved and all,

and I've tried to make allowances.

But. . .

But what?

Well, don't you understand?

I guess I know how you feel.

But just guessing isn't very satisfying.

I mean, well -

well, you're so terribly vague.

Oh, but I'm not, Debbie.

I'm not a bit vague.

I'm very definite about you.

Why you're almost everything

I ever think about.

Almost.

What else can I say?

Something concrete, Vernon.

Something positive.

Oh, but that's been out of the question up until now.

I hardly make enough at my job to live on.

And your father, for instance.

He's made it quite clear that for

anyone in my present financial situation

to even discuss the -

But, Vernon -

I'm serious, Debbie.

That's why I can't say anything,

because if a man is really serious,

he doesn't have the right to say anything

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