Jack Goes Boating Page #3

- Don't freak?

- Don't freak.

- Okay.

- Lucy and the Cannoli,

they had a thing.

- What?

- A thing.

- A thing?

- That's the deal.

- Oh no. You mean-

- Yeah.

It was when there was the swimming

lessons- in that time frame.

I should've told you before.

You're my f***ing friend.

She said it was a one-time thing,

then we got honest-

it f***ing went on for two years.

- Two years?

- Off and on...

she said.

That's it.

I- I don't know if I want this guy

to show me anything.

- Maybe this dinner thing can just-

- Don't go there. Don't go there.

I recommended him, didn't I?

She's on the phone with Dr. Bob

and she's telling him

about a big cannoli.

She was saying "big big cannoli"

and I was listening.

I didn't know what it was at first.

You know, a 10" cannoli-

the way she was saying it.

Never mention it to Lucy ever.

No no, of course.

It's kind of weird

you're telling me now.

Why is it weird?

All ofasuddentocomeoutwith it-

It isn't rational, okay?

This time of year-

like it's a f***ing anniversary.

I can get- you know.

I keep it hid mostly.

Now I've told you,

that's the deal.

You've never been hooked up

with someone long-term.

You take some f***ing shots.

Jack:
Oh.

someone betrays the other

and more than once.

That's the test.

- Jack:
Wait.

- What?

Jack:

It happened again?

Clyde:

There was this death guy-

a grief expert

at their seminars with Dr. Bob.

Charismatic, she said.

Jack:

Ah. A death guy.

Clyde:

She only kissed him, she said-

in the elevator,

helping move a body.

"I only kissed him," she said.

That's what you live with-

never knowing for sure.

You've never been through

anything like I'm telling you?

Jack:
No.

Clyde:

If it becomes long-term with Connie,

and if you learn about something

and you decide to stick it out anyway,

know that you will have vivid images

and know that they'll recur

probably forever.

Jack:
Did Lucy tell you something

about Connie I should know?

No. Nothing.

- Are you okay?

- I'm good.

- Well, thanks.

- Yeah.

I needed to unload that,

I guess. You know?

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

Clyde:

Man, I love you.

You know I love you?

Jack:
Yeah.

I liked the movie.

Thanks for taking me.

- Jack:
It was intense.

- I like scary ones.

It's dark already.

It seems like only two seconds

we've been talking.

Yeah.

Now we're snow people.

Yeah.

I like talking to you.

I should invite you up,

but my place is a mess.

I'm gonna clean it

and I'll invite you up next time.

Yeah, mine's worse.

I'm usually neat-

well, not neat but not disgusting.

Oh.

- I'm really glad you're better.

- Um, almost.

- Uh-huh.

- I'm getting there.

Well...

Maybe a little good-night kiss?

- Maybe.

- You know, nothing overwhelming.

Okay.

- Good night.

- Good night.

Doorman:

Hello, welcome to the Waldorf.

- Thank you.

- Yup.

Can I get a couple of minutes?

I've got to run to the men's room.

Yeah, pull it out of the way

and don't be all day.

Thanks.

No coins.

~ I know how it feels

to have wings on your heels ~

~ And to walk down

the street in a trance ~

~ You walk down the street

on the chance that you'll meet ~

~ And you'll meet,

not really by chance ~

~ Don't cry, young lovers,

whatever you do ~

~ Don't cry because I'm alone ~

~ All of my memories

are happy tonight ~

~ I've had a love of my own ~

~ I've had a love

of my own like yours ~

~ I've had a love of my own

like yours ~

~ I've had a love

of my own like yours ~

- ~ I've had a love of... ~

- May I help you?

- No.

- ~ A lovely lovely love of ~

~ I've had a love of... ~

One cucumber.

All right?

- You cut... like this.

- Jack:
Mmm.

You chop like this.

You try it.

And your side

against the finger.

Side against the finger

or you end up like this.

You didn't notice?

Keep it straight. You've got to kick

with the whole leg, all right?

Point- point the toes out-

pigeon toe-

and the whole leg.

Not just the feet,

not just from the knees.

Like this.

Use all that muscle you've got there.

All right?

Not like this. Not like this.

Like this. Okay, let's see you.

Good. Kick! Kick!

Hold it out like this.

- Like this?

- More out in front.

Keep the end up a little like this.

Like this. Like this. Like this.

Like that.

And breath in, breath out.

Good! Okay, go for it!

Kick kick! Good!

Head. Head.

~ If you'd only cut ~

~ So now the blade is deep... ~

Good! Good!

Champion! Champion!

Master kickboard champion!

- Now back.

- Oh sh*t.

~ Shewentsouth onthetrain~

~ She wore plastic boots ~

~ Forrain~

~ And you crawl along the floor ~

~ In your dream, dear ~

~Caughtlonely~

~ If you'd only cut ~

~ So now the blade is deep ~

~ If you don't eat yourself ~

~ You will explode instead ~

~ 'Cause I know I love you so... ~

~ When I know ~

~You don't love me... ~

- Any felonies?

- No.

Drugs? Convictions?

No.

You'll be notified

for an interview.

Umm, how-

about when?

Two to four weeks. Woo!

- Thanks.

- Man:
Woo.

- I put in the application.

- Well, good.

- Uncle:
You put in your application?

- Yeah.

Uncle:

'Cause I talked to the guy.

It takes two to four weeks

for the interview.

All right.

I want you to do your thing,

but if it doesn't work out,

you can always come back.

That's great, Mr. Richter.

Oh, Dr. Bob will be happy

you're onboard.

Okay.

- You skipped lunch?

- I wanted to reach Richter Brothers

- at 10:
00 out there.

- Ah. Richter.

- He flirts but never commits.

- I closed him.

You're kidding.

Huh. Wow.

I guess I'll see

his happy face in Seattle.

That'll be a first.

Tell Lucy to say hello

when she comes in. Nice job.

TV:
What was the situation there?

Why wasn't he playing for you?

Man #3:
Well, I think the reason is

that we made a trade early on...

How did Connie say

the breast thing happened?

Dr. Bob reached in

to look at the confirmation card.

She thought he copped a feel.

- She's one of those.

- Mmm.

Things go on inside the mind.

I understand it.

Lucy:

She said he let his hand

stay on her breast.

Clyde:

So she made it up?

Lucy:
No.

I don't know.

Clyde:
A mystery.

So to get at the truth,

to recreate the scene,

to determine the possibilities-

they're alone.

She confirms the deal.

Dr. Bob enters.

"Let me look

at your confirmation card. "

Oh no, it's- it's too weird.

"Do you like it here

at the mortuary?"

I'm gonna practice

the dessert a couple of times.

- Okay?

- Let me see the list.

It went all right with Federic?

Yeah, the Cannoli was cool.

Uh-huh?

Good job.

You show real aptitude.

Jack:
Sifter.

Lucy:

You've got that nervous thing.

Jack:
Hmm?

It's what you do

when you're nervous, right?

I- I might not even know I'm nervous

and my throat thing starts.

Cooking I guess, maybe.

Yeah?

The MTA maybe.

That'd be a new thing.

The thing with Connie,

hoping that goes okay.

Lucy:
What did Clyde say

about the Cannoli?

Uh, who?

You called Federic "the Cannoli. "

Oh, I think Clyde said

it was a nickname.

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