Jacknife

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The weather is seasonable. 54 | degrees, the temperature reading...

and a smattering of rain. | Not really anything significant...

across the state. Current | conditions: still some sprinkles...

and 54. The dew point is 48, | but the barometer is rising...

Rise and shine cause it is time!

Davey! Davey!

Come on, you great big | swinging dick! Come on!

Come on, wake up! | It's opening day!

Wake up!

We're gonna dance on | Charlie the Tuna's grave!

David! I see you!

Davey, open up, man! Davey?

Davey! Dave!

There's some loudmouth downstairs | yelling for you. Come on. Get up!

- I know you're there! | - Get up, David! Let's go! Get up.

Davey?

Davey?

Davey?

Take it easy!

- You go golfing in your p. j.'s? | - What?

You got mud cleats | in them slippers?

Joseph Megessey. | Everybody calls me Megs.

- That's my name. Don't wear it out. | - It's a ridiculous name.

- Ain't it? | - I don't know you.

Well, hey, | I feel like I know you.

Your brother talked about you | a lot. Said you were swell.

You mind?

Davey! What's going on?

Davey? Come on, you great | swinging dick, let's go!

- Quiet! | - We're gonna go fishing.

You're insane. | The sun's not even up yet.

- Davey! | - Mr. Megessey.

- Just who do you think you are? | - Your room, huh?

How dare you?

I'll have you know I was up until | two in the morning grading papers.

Nice bed.

Listen, I'm counting to ten and | then I'm calling the police. One...

- This you? | - ... two...

...three. | - You've changed. You're pretty.

Mr. Megessey, | where do you think you're going?

Davey?

F***!

- Mr. Megessey. | - Forget it.

- Will you wait? | - Forget it. It ain't your fault.

My brother happens to be a very | busy man! I'm sure he just forgot...

I covered ground. I call him up, | 'Mr. Busy', long distance.

'It's me,' I say. 'Right. Hey, | how are you? Long time. ' All that.

He says, 'We ought to get | together. ' I don't want nothing.

I'm calling to let him know that | I'm coming back. I'm not pushy.

- He says, 'We ought to get together'. | - At six in the morning?

Time out. I'm talking here. 'Getting | together is good. When?', I say.

'Whenever,' he says. 'Opening | day?', I say. This is a question.

'Opening day', he says. This is an | answer. Here I am, 2500 miles later.

- And who is to blame for this? | - Mr. Megessey.

When did this telephone | call take place?

A couple of weeks ago.

- Maybe five. | - And you never called to confirm?

- Who needs this sh*t? | - Mr. Megessey.

Joseph!

David has had hangovers before.

What the hell? Martha, what...? | Martha, why...?

Megs, what're you doing around? | Jesus Christ, I'm all f***ing wet!

Well, get your butt in gear, | David. It's opening day.

What? Jesus Christ, you're all...

- We gotta catch a trout for Martha. | - Get outta here!

- You're catching a trout for me. | - Man, someone's lost their mind.

- It's opening day, man! | - No way.

- Rainbows this long. | - I ain't up to it.

Sure you are, David.

See, you just need a little | something to perk you up.

- What? | - You talked him into it.

- Didn't talk him into anything. | - You know, instant's fine with me.

I drink so much goddamn instant, | my stomach is like freeze-dried.

- What're you doing? | - Got any milk?

Of course I've got milk.

Powdered creamer? I hate it. Tastes | like powdered mouse balls to me.

Wait.

What do you want for breakfast?

- Beer. | - For breakfast? That's horrible.

Breakfast beer. Ain't you ever | had a beer for breakfast?

You take one sip, the cobwebs go, | your voice rises two octaves...

and, hey, man, | the sun comes up inside you.

- You know? I got a case in the car. | - Well, I...

I hardly think that...

Did he leave?

He went to the car to get beer.

Good.

- I could use one. | - You couldn't stomach it.

I work hard all week.

I'm entitled to cut loose | on the weekends.

- You should try it sometime. | - You can take me with you tonight.

Forget it.

You'd think you'd enjoy a | woman's company for a change.

Women we could use. | A sister, we don't need.

- Besides, I date. | - I've seen the women you date.

Their idea of contributing to a | conversation is to snap their gum.

Wouldn't you like a point | of view for a change?

I want a point of view, | I'll listen to the news.

David, piss up a rope!

What did I say?

Oh, just drink your coffee.

Your friend seems nice.

He's not my friend.

He's just someone I know.

We were in Vietnam together.

Hey, hey, opening day | Look out, trout, were on our way

Careful. Blow on it. Otherwise your | tongue is gonna stick to the can.

Forget it, man. | Martha doesn't drink beer.

Well, hey, it's early.

David?

Thanks, Martha.

To opening day!

- To trout! | - To trout!

To trout.

Well, I think I like | breakfast beer.

This is beautiful. Finish that one | off. I'll crack you another one.

I'll have to take it. I've gotta | change if I'm coming with you.

- What? | - You coming, Martha?

- Sure I'm coming. | - They'll never know what hit them.

They'll be jumping into my lap, | dying to hear my point of view.

- Okay, what'll it be? | - Coffee.

- And...? | - Just coffee.

Ma'am, what's your name, Ma'am?

- Shirley. | - Shirley?

May I be permitted | to call you Shirley, Shirley?

- Be my guest. | - Shirley...

I want you to give this young lady | enough pancakes to build a house.

And that's on me. The lady | don't buy when I'm around.

Pancakes. | And for you, Sir Galahad?

Well, let's see.

- I'll have pancakes, too. | - Pancakes.

And some bacon, | eggs over easy...

- Bacon and eggs with pancakes. | - ... grapefruit...

bagel with cream cheese | and some corn flakes.

Banana on the flakes.

- Hungry? | - Oh, yeah, Shirley. See these eyes?

They were basketballs, they | wouldn't be bigger than my stomach.

And, Shirley?

Hey, could I have a sardine and | onion sandwich while I'm waiting?

Thanks, Shirley. | Hey, it's opening day.

Need to bleed the monster? We got no | formal facilities in God's country.

If you wanna use the john, do it. | You won't get a chance later.

Excuse me.

Hey, old buddy.

You think maybe she likes me? | Your sister?

Are you serious?

You two are from different planets.

She's just along to bust my ass.

- I was gonna do that for you. | - I'm a biology teacher.

I think I can bait a hook.

How you doing there, you great | swinging dick? They biting yet?

- Nothing? | - Nothing.

- Have you ever caught a fish? | - Martha.

Only way I'm gonna catch a fish, | I got a feeling, it's to drain a pond.

We'll see.

Hey, stud.

You ain't said nothing | about the hat.

I wear it for luck.

- Bad luck? | - No way, Jose.

Ain't mine. | It's Bobby's.

- Didn't help Bobby much, did it? | - It's helping me.

They hide under rocks. | Trout.

Goddamn little speckled bastards. | They hide under rocks.

Now what the hell kind | of life is that, huh?

Let's catch some fish.

Hey, Martha, | how're we doing?

Look, Joseph...

I know they're out there, Martha. | I just know that they're out there.

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