Jalla! Jalla!

Synopsis: Roro, a foreign worker in Swedish parks, loves his girlfriend but is about to marry another girl to prevent her from being sent back to Lebanon. Roros best friend, Måns, has his own problems: He has serious problems getting an erection...
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Director(s): Josef Fares
Production: Sonet Film
  5 wins & 4 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.8
Rotten Tomatoes:
56%
Year:
2000
88 min
102 Views


Ouch!

Damn!

There's sh*t everywhere.

Roro... Roro!

- What?

- Can you pick up the sh*t here?

- That's your patch.

- I've had ten piles, you've had none.

Yesterday I had at least twenty,

you didn't help me then.

- I guess I had my own.

- Shut up and get on with it.

He can't hear you, he's deaf.

- All right?

- Yeah, fine.

- What?

- I feel so great when I'm near you.

You're surrounded by positive energy.

I get all funny when I'm close to you.

Seriously! When I stand over here,

I'm completely cold - no feelings.

Next to you, it's almost too much.

Here, touch my arm...

Can you feel the goose bumps?

Do it properly.

Put your hands here...

- Feel it?

- Yes, I do.

- You're crazy.

- No, I'm in love.

Too bad, 'cause I'm not

in love with you any more.

- Get up, I've got a customer.

- No, I'm dead.

A tin of snuff.

We haven't met, but I live upstairs.

I'm having some people over tonight

and as I was making coffee,

I ran out.

- Could I borrow some?

- Yeah, sure.

- I'll return it tomorrow.

- Don't worry.

- Here you are. Is that enough?

- That's fine.

- Do you need anything else?

- No, I just...

- Want to come in for a f***?

- What, now?

Yeah.

Sure, that'd be really great.

Come on, then.

Hang on.

- Wait, wait...

- It's on the side, not inside.

What do you mean, "on the side"?

Grab hold of...

Try to... Watch your nails, damn it!

- You've got to relax.

- I am relaxed, it's not that.

- Come up a bit.

- I'll try to fold it in...

Sh*t!

- It's still on the side.

- Forget it, it's no use.

- I don't get it.

- It's because you're too tense.

- It's no use.

- I'm sure it'll sort itself out.

It's not going to "sort itself out".

I'm sure it's temporary.

It's been like this for weeks.

Sh*t!

- I don't get it, it's paralysed.

- Mans...

- Why don't we have another go?

- No.

I can be the neighbour this time.

I don't get this neighbour game.

And you said "f***"

straight away.

No, first I went to get the coffee

and then I said it.

Yeah, but it went too fast to...

Forget it.

Faster! Do it now!

- It's right there.

- I missed it!

- Stupid TV. Come here.

- Crap game!

No, leave it.

I've got to check who it is.

It's my dad...

- Where are you?

- I'm on my way home.

I'm at a friend's, I'll be right there.

Hurry up!

- Is that a girl?

- Yes, more!

More!

- Hello?

- It's Mans.

- You're lying, that was a girl.

- No, it's Mans.

- Just come home!

- I'm on my way.

- I have to go.

- You're leaving, just like that?

You're not a child, Roro.

You're a grown man.

How long have we been together?

You daren't even tell them about me.

- Isn't it time you cut the cord?

- You know what they're like.

I suppose you're ashamed of me.

Absolutely not.

No, not until I've met your parents.

You can't.

Why not? You've met my parents.

- They're not...

- I know, it's different.

I want to meet your parents,

that's all.

- Okay, you'll see them. Soon.

- When is soon?

- Not tomorrow, but soon.

- Tomorrow?

When can I meet your parents?

Tomorrow?

- Do they have a dick?

- Ducks? No, there's just two holes.

- Two holes. So how do they do it?

- What, how do they screw?

They put one hole against the other

and vibrate.

I saw it on a nature programme.

- There's got to be some kind of stick.

- It's not a car.

- So they don't have a dick?

- Nope.

- Sounds good, actually.

- Good?

Nothing.

- Caroline! Come in and eat!

- I don't want to.

- Come in right now!

- No!

Hi, guys!

Come in and eat, Roro!

Why's your grandma always here?

Does she live with you?

She's afraid of being alone,

she thinks she'll...

- Throw the rubbish away.

- Why throw it on my head?

It just happened.

Throw it away.

Howdy, Nisse.

All right?

I taught him something...

Nisse, say baddi nikak.

Baddi nikak...

It means "f*** you".

Nisse, say kol chara.

- And that means "f*** your family"?

- No, "eat sh*t".

- He's really cool.

- Very cool... You and your Arab bird!

- I can tell you're related.

- It's a Lebanese bird, not Arab.

You have to say "warning"

before hitting.

Warning - yourself!

- Hello, Mans.

- Hello, Grandma.

- Well?

- I'm well.

- And how are you?

- Well.

- Roro, I've called Yasmin.

- Which Yasmin?

She's a very nice girl

that I've found for you.

- Stop it, I don't want to get married.

- We want you to get married.

- Please, I don't want to.

- You are getting married.

- I don't want to.

- I spoke to her on the telephone.

- She's coming to see you.

- Leave me alone.

Why? You are to marry

and have four children.

- Everybody will be happy.

- I'll marry when I'm fifty.

- Fifty! Then what'll be left of you?

- Just leave me alone.

- Is Baldy here married?

- Ask him.

- Marry? You marry?

- What's she saying?

- You married?

- Oh, yeah, I will marry when...

He'll have to grow his hair first!

Then you can marry!

- What do I do with this?

- You eat it.

Eat it?

- Eat it, take a bite.

- All of it? It's huge.

- Take a small bite at a time.

- But it's raw...

- Like this?

- Just eat it!

Basal achdar, it's called.

It's good.

- What?

- Take Dad his lunch.

- Now?

- Yes, now!

I have to take Dad his lunch.

Can I help you?

- Watch this.

- It's nice plate. Very nice.

It's handpainted. Very nice.

And this - gold.

- How much?

- Fifty kronor. Very cheap.

- That's a bit expensive, I think.

- Expensive?

- Forty-five?

- Twenty.

Twenty! No way I take twenty.

This one twenty,

the one with the birds.

No, I want this.

But fifty's too much.

Forty-five and it's yours.

- Forty.

- Forty? Okay, take it.

- Forty kronor!

- Easy, there's more.

No, no. Not forty, I can't.

- Fifty.

- It's old.

- How about fifty?

- No, I can't.

I can't.

- Sixty kronor.

- Sixty? Okay.

Sixty! What did I tell you?

Dad!

- Hi, Moms.

- Mans.

- Moms, Mans. Same difference!

- How's your belly, is it growing?

It's fine - I keep my money here.

Want to try?

Want to try again?

Come here!

I have to get back to work.

- Come and work here, with me.

- No.

I talk to Yasmin and her brother.

They want to meet us.

I don't want to meet her.

I've told you, I don't like it.

You have to get married.

- I will, but not to her.

- Why?

- I don't want to.

- Why not?

- I have to go to work. We'll talk later

- You always say, "I don't want to."

- Why?

- I'm going to work.

Nice weather.

Mans, have you got any toothpaste?

Hey, Benson...

It's for him.

- What's up? You look a bit down.

- I'm just....

You've been like this

for a few days. What's up?

It's just...

- Promise you won't say anything?

- Of course.

- Promise?

- Cut it out. What is it?

Not in here.

What are you doing?

- What's up?

- It's crazy, man. I don't know...

Has it ever happened to you...

Like, when you and Lisa are...

You know, if you're drunk

and want to shag someone...

It can be difficult to get it up,

'cause... You know what I mean.

- Can't you get your dick up?

- No.

What, it's just hanging there?

More like...

Imagine you have a long balloon

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Josef Fares

Josef Fares (born 19 September 1977) is a Swedish-Lebanese film director and game designer. His brother is the actor Fares Fares, who has appeared in many of his films. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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