Jarhead
(Swoff)
A story.
A man fires a rifle
for many years...
and he goes to war.
And afterward,
at the armory...
and he believes
he's finished with the rifle.
But no matter what else
he might do with his hands...
love a woman, build a house...
change his son's diaper...
(Fitch)
You are no longer black,
or brown, or yellow or red!
You are now green!
You are light green
or dark green!
Do you understand?
(all)
Sir, yes, sir!
Swofford!
Sir, yes, sir!
served in Vietnam?
Sir, yes, sir!
Outstanding!
Did he have the balls
to die there?
Sir, no, sir!
Too f***ing bad!
He ever talk about it?
Sir, only once, sir!
Good! Then he wasn't lying!
Are you eyeballing me
with those baby blues?
Are you?
Sir, no, sir!
Are you in love
with me, Swofford?
Sir, no, sir!
You don't think I look good
in my uniform, Swofford?
Sir, the drill sergeant
looks fabulous
in his uniform, sir!
So you're gay, then,
and you love me, huh?
Sir, I'm not gay, sir!
Do you have
a girlfriend, Swofford?
Sir, yes, sir!
Guess again, motherf***er!
Get on your face
and give me 25...
for every time
she gets f***ed this month.
Down on your face!
(Swoff)
Drill Instructor Fitch...
that I realized that joining
the Marine Corps...
might have been
a bad decision.
What in the f***
is this?
Sir,
it's a recruit's drawing
of a footlocker, sir!
Jesus, Joseph
and doggie-style Mary!
That is a pile
of dog sh*t.
Sir, the recruit's
never been good
at drawing, sir!
Why the f***
are you my scribe, then?
Isn't my scribe
supposed to know
how to draw?
Sir, the recruit
doesn't know!
The recruit thought
the scribe was supposed
to write, sir!
Of course the recruit
doesn't know!
The recruit doesn't know
because I haven't told him!
[Groaning]
All right,
cum-for-brains...
show me exactly
where your Skivvies
Sir, the recruit
can't think...
while the drill instructor
is hitting him
on his head, sir!
You can't think
while I'm giving you
a few love taps?
How the f***
are you going to
fire your rifle...
in your face?
What the f***
are you even doing here?
Sir, I got lost
on the way to college, sir!
##[Don't Worry Be Happy
playing]
(Swoff)
So, now my hands
were dick skinners.
A flashlight was a moonbeam.
A pen was an ink stick.
My mouth was a cum receptacle.
A bed was a rack.
A wall was a bulkhead.
A shirt was a blouse.
A tie was still a tie,
and a belt a belt.
But many other things
would never be the same.
[Marines sounding off]
[Marines sounding off]
Swofford. What kind of
f***ing name is that?
It's English.
My great-grandfather
came over here
in the 19th century.
Whatever.
I'm putting you
in Golf Company.
It's full of retards
and f*** ups.
Maybe you can elevate
the sons of b*tches a little.
Or maybe not.
Next.
[Marines chattering]
(Swoff)
Jarhead:
Noun.Slang for "Marine. "
Origin:
From the resemblance
to a jar...
of the regulation
high-and-tight haircut.
The Marine's head,
by implication, therefore...
also a jar.
An empty vessel.
[Marines exclaiming]
Hey!
May I help you?
Yeah, I was assigned
to Second Platoon.
Second Platoon?
Yeah.
What's going on, boss?
Nothing much, man.
Welcome to Second Platoon.
Thanks, man.
Hey, boys!
Fresh f***ing meat!
What kind of meat?
We don't want you!
[Grunting]
Boo, motherf***er!
[Marines hooting]
Get some!
[Groaning]
Oh, f***.
[Gun clicking]
Yeah, we switched out
the hot brand.
Little f***-f*** trick
we play on the new guys.
[Gun clicking]
Nice.
You want a brand,
you gotta earn it.
Welcome to the Suck.
[Sighing]
(Nurse)
Still got
that stomach flu, Swofford?
I can't seem to shake it.
That's all right.
Not everyone's cut out
for the Marines.
(Swoff)
But for me, there was nowhere
else. That was the truth.
After all,
I was made in a war.
Here's Mr. And Mrs. Swofford
on R&R from Vietnam.
Honolulu Hilton, 1969.
I can't watch...
and neither can you.
And here are some other things
I can't show you.
Visiting my sister.
[Sobbing]
Making muffins with Mom.
Breakfast conversations
with Dad.
But here are some things
you can see.
Taking a dump.
Thinking about
going to college.
Studying after school
with my girlfriend.
Oh, my God, I love you.
I love you, too.
Giving away
(Staff Sgt. Sykes)
Hey!
Swofford?
Swofford?
Yo.
What the f***? You're sick?
No, I just had
a stomach thing, sir.
Staff Sergeant Sykes.
I'm with Surveillance
and Target Acquisition. STA.
I heard it took six guys
to pull that little branding
trick on you.
Your file says that you ain't
too f***ing dumb, either.
So you better get un-sick
most motherfucking
ricky-tick...
because there's a chance
that you could be
a scout sniper.
What the f*** is this?
"The Stranger by Camus. "
That's some heavy dope
right there, Marine.
"Mary however... "
"That's when we ran up
to the office... "
I suggest you have
your ass there.
Is that an order,
Staff Sergeant?
It's a f***ing opportunity.
It's a f***ing honor.
It's the best f***ing job
in the Marine Corps.
Sounds good, Staff Sergeant.
Sounds good,
Staff Sergeant!
Sounds good.
Could I have my...
You know what?
I got a better idea.
You play any instruments?
I played the trumpet
in third grade,
Staff Sergeant.
Played the trumpet
in third grade? Good.
You still play?
A little,
and festivals.
Good. You ain't gotta be
Chuck Mangione.
All I need is a bugler.
Somebody to play Taps,
Reveille, Battle March...
that type of sh*t,
raise the morale.
Does that interest you?
Oh, yeah.
Good! Parade field, 0600.
All right, thank you,
Staff Sergeant!
My pleasure.
Can I get my book?
[Trash can rattling]
There's 60 of you.
I only need eight.
That means 52 of you
will perish. Do the math.
There's no possible way
that all of you can make it.
If you think
you're worth some sh*t...
Staff Sergeant Sykes!
Private Swofford
reporting for bugle tryout!
Indoc! Atten-hut!
I don't give out
too many special treats...
but this morning,
we have a very special treat.
Private Swofford here
is going to play Reveille
for us.
Okay, Swofford,
play Reveille.
[Whispering]
I don't have a bugle,
Staff Sergeant.
[Whispering]
You don't have a what?
I don't have a bugle.
Oh, no. No, no.
Damn, damn.
You better play
with your mouth.
What?
I said, play it
with your goddamn mouth.
##[Imitating bugle]
F***.
##[Imitating bugle]
I love that tone.
Sounds good to me.
My morale is lifted.
You know
any Stevie Wonder?
You know You Are
The Sunshine Of My Life?
Yes, Staff Sergeant.
Good, that's a classic.
[Clears throat]
##[Imitating bugle]
[Sykes snapping fingers]
Will you shut the f*** up?
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"Jarhead" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 14 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/jarhead_11187>.
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