Jarhead 3: The Siege Page #2

You're so barking

up the wrong tree

right there, my friend.

Many have tried

and many have failed.

I do like

a challenge.

Whoa.

Hey, hey,

boys. Um...

Great. Can I just ask

you a few questions?

I'm shooting footage

for the embassy blog.

You work here?

Yeah, Blake Laureano.

I work for the Ambassador.

Hey, you're filming this?

I'm filming everything.

Everything and everyone.

Just getting some thoughts

on how it feels to work

a world away from home.

What have you learned

so far? Anything?

Worship the Ambassador,

learn to like

playing video games,

guard Post One,

avoid the RSO,

and don't try to date

the cute computer lady

because that's

apparently

a lost cause.

That's awesome.

I gotta go.

Yeah, so do we.

There he is.

In the flesh.

Ambassador Cahill.

CAHILL:
Please,

take a seat.

You ever talk to him?

Yeah, man.

All the time.

"Yes, Mr. Ambassador.

No, Mr. Ambassador.

Thank you, Mr. Ambassador."

Practice that

and you'll be fine.

Tracking.

All right.

Then you're ready.

For what?

For why you're

wearing blues.

Your first mission.

...that I did

not have new shoes.

CAHILL:
My parents said

that we didn't have

enough money for new shoes.

And that made me sad.

But then one day,

I meta new friend who said

he liked my old shoes.

That's when I realized

that new friendships were

better than new shoes.

Great. Well,

thank you

very much.

That's okay. Thanks.

It's great to see you.

Thank you for coming.

And thank you, ma'am.

(CHUCKLING) Good

to see you. Thanks

very much. Well done.

Thank you.

So, day two in

the Kingdom, correct,

Corporal Albright?

Yes, Mr. Ambassador.

Well, nice job.

You'd be surprised

how far a bit

of compassion goes.

Thank you,

Mr. Ambassador.

All right, kids. Let's go.

Let's get some ice cream.

So, Stamper, tell me

what the best thing

about embassy life is.

The best thing about

embassy life? Showers.

When Sunshine comes

in with that coconut

shampoo, man...

You got jokes, huh?

Man, pass me the

goddamn salt, man.

Now, look, this

is the best part

about embassy life.

This right here,

this is how you

never leave home no

matter where you're at.

Gumbo is ready, fellas!

Come and get it.

Gumbo.

Welcome to the bayou.

Oh, nah,

I'm good, man.

What?

I'm allergic

to gluten. So...

Uh, you're allergic

to gluten, huh?

Man, get your ass

outta here, man

Hey, hey, man!

(LAUGHING)

Allergic to gluten.

BLAKE:
Okay, okay.

Now, tell us, why did

you join the Marines?

Why do you think?

'Cause I piss red,

white and blue.

My dad served and

my pawpaw before him.

I'm a gunfighter raised

in a family of gunfighters.

Seriously, man,

come on. Tell us.

I want the truth.

You can't handle the truth!

No, another bad

impersonation

of Jack Nicholson

is what I can't handle.

Come on,

just tell us.

I joined

the Marines

to prove myself.

I joined

the Marines

to be the best.

(GRUNTING)

Move.

BLAKE:
Gunny. Gunny!

Hey, stow that sh*t.

We got work to do.

BLAKE:
These guys,

they think of you

as like this Marine Buddha.

What makes a great Marine?

Just give us one thing.

You really wanna know?

Yeah.

High-fiber cereal.

What?

Because if you

don't sh*t right,

then you don't sleep,

walk or fight

right, either.

Healthy and

regular defecation,

that is the key.

And no, I'm

not shitting you.

What the f*** is wrong

with you, man?

ALL:
Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Chill, man,

chill, man. Chill.

You hear it first.

Sleep tight. Sh*t right.

#Oorah.

(MUEZZIN CALLING

TO PRAYER ON SPEAKERS)

GUNNY:
All right, Marines.

Six militants have

just stormed this

raggedy-ass old

embassy you

see behind me.

They now have the Ambassador

trapped somewhere

on the second floor.

Mohammed and his Royal Guard,

who generously

allowed us to use their

training facility as our own,

will be playing

the roles

of the terrorists.

F***ing typecasting.

And yours truly

will be playing

against type

in the role

of the Ambassador.

Good to go, (Bunny.

Roger that.

HANSEN:
Let's bring it in.

Go upstairs.

STAMPER:
Check.

HANSEN:
Check.

EVANS Check.

SUNSHINE:
Check.

Argh!

Okay, okay.

SUNSHINE:
Slow down, man.

HANSEN:
Hey, slow down.

STAMPER:
Albright,

stayin formation.

HANSEN:
Albright!

STAMPER:
Get the

f*** back here.

Hey, come back here!

HANSEN:
Albright!

Sh*t, that hurts!

F***ing hurts.

(GASPING)

I'm shot.

I'm out,

I'm out.

ROYAL GUARD:

Put it down!

Put it down!

HANSEN:

Back off,

Albright!

STAMPER:
Drop it!

NOVESKI:
Let him go!

OW!

MOHAMMED:
Sh*t!

Lucky...

(GRUNTING)

Son of a b*tch!

STAMPER:
Look

at that sh*t.

Congratulations.

You just got

your team killed.

Yeah, no sh*t.

This is the Middle East,

not the Wild West.

You're a goddamn cowboy.

You were the one

that breached, Albright.

You breach and you

immediately turn,

head on a swivel.

That corner was you.

Your responsibility.

All right, guys,

pack it up.

Not you, Albright.

F***in' hotshot.

Hey, if your ass

didn't still

owe me money,

I might've used a real

gat on you, white boy.

HANSEN:
Nobody

says "gat" any more.

It's a gun.

Casualties might

be all right

with the government

as long as

their assets

are safe,

but they are not

all right with me.

Are we clear?

Roger that,

Gunnery Sergeant.

You don't always have

to be first, Albright.

Sometimes being

a good Marine means

coming in last.

NOVESKI:
Here

we go, boys.

Oh, sh*t.

Here we go.

About time.

Here we go.

Okay. All right,

I got Wolf Man.

You know who

I got, man.

I got Dracula.

Stamper's got Mummy.

What are you talking about?

It's this little

game we play, right?

So every day,

this kid comes by

selling falafels,

and every day

one of these hajis

takes a bite,

spills half

of it on his lap.

Protestors

gotta eat, too.

Here's the drill, boys.

Next Tuesday,

a new GTA comes out.

Winner gets first

week king of the couch.

Au right.

Check it out.

Pita time.

Sh*t.

NOVESKI:
Here we go.

Come on, Bubba Ho-tep,

you falafel gobbling

high priest, you.

Oh, man.

Nah, Drac's got this

one today, I can feel it.

Hey, man, let me see

those for a second.

There you go, baby.

NOVESKI:
There you go.

Come on, b*tch.

LOPEZ:
No, come on, man.

NOVESKI:
No, no, no, no.

Drac's got this one today.

Take a bite.

LOPEZ:
Come on,

Wolfie. Come on.

STAMPER:
That's

what you need.

LOPEZ:
Not good.

No. Uh-uh. Man.

STAMPER:

There you go.

Hold up.

STAMPER:
That's what

I'm talking about.

No, Wolfie's

gonna come through.

Come on, baby.

LOPEZ:
No. No!

STAMPER:
Get some.

(STAMPER WHOOPING)

F***.

King of the

couch, b*tches.

Holy sh*t, I've seen

that guy before.

What the hell are

you talking about?

That cameraman,

I think he was

just filming us.

What cameraman?

Oh, man. No,

that's just

somebody with,

I don't know,

Al Jazeera

or something.

Trying to get the people's

perspectives, you Know.

No, he was watching us,

the gate, not them,

not the protestors.

It's the same guy I saw

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