Jawbreaker

1

First, you need to know something about them.

The beautiful ones.

The flawless four.

Everyone wanted to be them.

You know them.

They went to your school too.

They totally ruled.

The one in green, that's Courtney.

She was the leader.

She was like Satan in heels.

The blonde, Marcie Fox,

a legend in her own little mind.

Known to herself as Foxy.

The leggy one with the pigtails is Julie,

doomed to be popular because of that face

and because she was best friends

with the one in the pink.

That's Liz Purr.

She was special.

Everybody loved Liz,

not just because she was beautiful

and popular and rich and smart.

She was all of those things,

but more than anything,

she was sweet.

Courtney ruled with terror,

but Liz ruled with kindness.

She was like the Princess Di

of Reagan High,

and that pissed Courtney off.

Liz Purr was just...

Well, she was perfect.

I used to dream about what

it would be like to be her:

Elizabeth Purr.

It's a shame about

what happened to Liz.

That was no way to wake up

on your 17th birthday.

Ah!

She is gonna die!

It's so much better than last year.

I wish my friends did that for me.

Yeah, right. You'd have us killed.

Brutally maimed, my dear.

What're we gonna do to her?

We'll stuff her pretty face

with pancakes,

then tie her to the flagpole in her bra

and undies and watch the fun begin.

Whoo!

She is gonna die! Ha, ha, ha.

Polaroid.

Hey, birthday girl, rise and shine!

Who's doing the honors?

Me.

Aren't we anxious?

One is for witch,

two is for b*tch...

Pop it, Marcie!

Surprise!

Oh, my God.

What happened to her?

What's in her throat?

Courtney?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

This is a joke, right?

This is a total joke. Say it's a joke.

It was supposed to be for fun.

- Oh, my God!

This isn't happening.

I just didn't want her to scream.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, Liz!

I thought a jawbreaker

would be funny.

You gagged her

with a jawbreaker?

We have to call someone

right now.

No way.

Why not? It was an accident.

Oh, my God,

did you hear that?

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Sick?

That's it. Liz is sick.

Courtney, she is dead.

Does school know that? Don't think so.

What? You cannot just call in sick for her.

We have to tell somebody.

Liz is--

Dead. Liz is dead.

Do you have any idea

what that means?

You're a shoo-in for prom queen?

That is so not funny.

Our best friend is dead.

People won't be pleased.

But they'll understand.

No. You understand.

I am not getting f***ed

because I was sweet enough to play a

clever prank for my friend's birthday.

Just give me the phone.

Okay, who's got

the motherly voice?

No. No way.

I want nothing to do with this.

Okay.

Wait, Courtney--

Shh.

Ms. Sherwood, please.

Hi, Ms. Sherwood, this is Mrs.

Purr, Elizabeth's mother.

I'm sorry, but Elizabeth

won't be to school today.

Oh, I know,

she's had a lot of absences,

but the poor dear woke up

with a blistering fever.

Can you send one of her friends

with her assignments?

Thank you ever so much.

Have a nice day. Bye.

That was really good.

What do you mean?

The way you imitated Liz's mom.

I'm just saying you're in control.

Oh. I know.

Okay, reality check. Liz is in the

trunk of this car, and she is dead.

That is a sad,

f***ed up thing.

But you will walk into that school

and strut your sh*t down the hallway

like everything is

peachy f***ing keen.

Get it?

Julie?

Whatever.

All right, b*tches, out.

Move it, move it!

That means you too, gusher.

Come on.

Hi, Julie.

Oh. Hi, Fern.

No, no, no, space cadet.

Drinking fountain

down the hall.

I don't think I can

do this.

It's just a day,

like any other day.

Now, what would we do

on any other day?

Pre-lunch touchups?

That's right, Marcie.

Take a long, hard look

in the mirror, girls.

It's beauty time.

Hello, girls. Having a smoke?

A toke? Some dope?

No loitering in the girl's room.

Trouble brews in this room.

Not so fast.

Elizabeth is out today.

Which one of you will stop by my office

to pick up her assignments for her?

Miss Shane?

With pleasure, Ms. Sherwood.

Excellent. Make it by 3.

I have a pet to groom.

Okay.

And Miss Shane,

please cover your bosoms.

This is a learning institution, not a brothel.

Do it yourself.

Be nice, girls.

"Be nice, girls."

Nice is not enough.

If I was friends with every Pam, Beth

and Sherry because they're nice,

I'd have Noah's f***ing Ark

in my phone book.

Oh.

Remember, everything

is peachy keen.

Peachy f***ing keen.

I know this a bit out

of our realm of comprehension.

The delusion, the derangement,

the descent into madness.

She says it herself,

"What's done cannot be undone."

I know this may be hard to understand.

It's not like your lives today, what with

your acne mask and corn dogs.

Planet head.

It's nothing to laugh about.

There was nothing fun and fancy free

for Shakespeare's tragic characters.

In the Dark Ages,

knowledge of female anatomy

was divulged through autopsy

and execution.

Women deemed

Hey, baby.

Criminal or demented were

put to death,

both on and off their menstrual flow.

Then we crack the egg ever so gently,

but with ample force.

Cool, you got a stillborn.

Oh, nasty.

I say we just put her back in bed.

We can't put her back in bed.

Why not'?

She's got a jawbreaker in her throat.

Ah. We can get it out.

I've got eyelash curlers.

It's perfect. She was up late,

watching TV, sucking on a jawbreaker.

Maybe she was practicing, if you know

what I mean, ha-ha, and swallowed.

Wait a minute.

What?

Rape.

They'll check to see if she was raped.

Maybe Liz had a friend over.

You know,

mummy and Daddy's last night away.

Maybe he's from school, maybe not.

But definitely into kink.

He got a little rough, went too far.

There's a fine line

between pleasure and pain.

She screamed for help, but her screams

were muffled by the huge candy ball.

She tried, but there was nothing.

Only sugary, sweet death.

Oh, my God. That, like,

totally gave me the chills.

Nobody's gonna believe that.

There is no proof.

They will because

it's their worst nightmare.

Elizabeth Purr, the very picture of teenage

perfection, obliterated by perversion?

You are sick, Courtney.

Sh*t! I was supposed

to pick up Liz's homework.

What if Ms. Sherwood took it?

We kill her.

Heh. Did you see her face?

It doesn't matter

that I have to get there.

Yes? Yes?

Ms. Sherwood?

Oh. Hello, Fern.

I wanted to know

if you were gonna chaperone

the botany club's garden party.

Yes, I am. Of course,

I wouldn't miss that for the world.

Ahem. You know, Fern, do you know

a senior named Elizabeth Purr?

You mean the meow?

Excuse me?

Liz is the cat's meow.

Heh. I'm sure she is. In any case,

the poor thing is sick with the flu.

Somebody has to take her her

assignments and Miss Shane tardy.

I could do it.

You will?

It'd be an honor.

Oh, thank you so much.

Thank you.

Fern! Uh-- Ahem.

I didn't give her the address.

Ms. Sherwood, wait!

Ms. Sherwood.

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