Jet Pilot

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Dog Patch Red to Yellow Kid.

Dog Patch Red to Yellow Kid.

Yellow Kid to Dog Patch Red.

Go ahead.

Got any more dope on that bogey,

or has it turned into another flying saucer?

Bogey is still out of range

for your outfit to make intercept.

How much fuel have you got left?

About 1-5-0 gallons.

By the way, that bogey

may be my operations officer,

Major Rexford, coming in from White Horse.

He might have overshot the field

in this soup.

No, we've already identified Rexford.

Bogey came into our radar net

across Bering Sea from Siberia.

We must assume it is Russian

as it does not show I.F.F.

Russian? Are you on the level,

or is this a drill?

Yellow Kid to Dog Patch Red.

I repeat:
Russian.

And this is no drill.

You're relieved to refuel.

Keep two squadrons with hot guns

on standby alert.

Oh, roger!

This is Allison Tower, 1-Niner-0.

Go ahead.

Request landing instructions,

Allison Tower to 1-Niner-0,

you're number one to land.

Runway:
3-2. Wind: Calm.

Weather:
Closing in fast.

Roger, Allison Tower.

Comin' right in.

Red Leader to Flight.

Go into string and take distance

for individual landings.

We're goin' in to refuel.

Did you hear those instructions, Blue Leader?

Blue Leader to Red Leader. Roger.

We'll follow you in.

Hope we meet up

with that Russian on the way.

You and me both.

Blue Leader to Red Leader.

Look out below. Here we come!

Red Leader to Blue Leader.

Come ahead!

Shut the door!

Yeah, shut the door.

But the colonel

I'm sorry, Colonel.

That's all right.

We'll be ready for takeoff

in 20 minutes.

Afraid that'll be too late.

Has that Russian come into range?

There he is, circling

north of the base at jet speed.

How do you like that?

A Russian jet.

It's all right, Colonel.

We've got your 1-9-7 going up after it.

Rexford? How much fuel

did he have left?

Twenty-one minutes. I caught him

just as he was coming in to land.

He's crossing the field to go back up

on top. Here he comes now.

He's right smack on the bearing.

Yeah, he oughta be on

that Russian's tail in no time.

Well, watch out for that Rexford.

Don't let him get trigger-happy.

I want that Russian jet

down in one piece.

You bet.

I see your Russian jet.

Yellow Kid to 1-Niner-7.

Easy, now. Are you sure it's a Russian?

Sure I'm sure. I wouldn't have said

I was sure if I wasn't.

It's a YAK 12,

and I've got a perfect bead on him.

Shall I slam him,

or should I just

saw off one of his wings?

Yellow Kid

If you do, I'll saw off your head!

Yellow Kid to 1-Niner-7,

don't open fire unless he tries it on you.

Now, take your time, Major Rexford.

Does he see you?

How can he see me?

I'm in his blind spot.

Rex, this is Shannon.

Hello, Jim.

Wish you were here.

Maybe you think I don't, because I want

that Russian jet down here undamaged.

All I want you to do is go up

alongside of him and attract his attention.

What if he won't look at me?

Oh, I get this all the time.

Then you can fire a warning squirt.

But that's all. Savvy?

Aye, savvy.

Hey, you!

Hey, Molotov,

or whatever your name is. Okay.

Aw, shucks.

What's the matter?

All this guy wants is down.

How do you know?

As soon as I fired a little squirt,

he dropped his landing gear.

That's fine. Now,

will you kindly lead him in?

Okay, Jim.

A woman.

A lady.

A dame.

Anybody around here

speak Russian, Sergeant?

Nobody except me, maybe.

Maybe?

Go ahead and say something.

Is that Russian?

That's Yiddish.

Put that down, Sergeant,

and get out of here.

I can handle this, Chief.

I've met dames like this before.

You likey soupski?

Soupski. You likey?

As an officer,

I'm entitled to certain privileges,

one of which is that

I not only be treated respectfully,

but that I be addressed

in a language I can understand.

You likey speechski?

I guess that'll hold you.

Let's get rid of this parachute.

What air base in Siberia

did you take off from, Lieutenant?

I'm not going to answer that.

How much fuel did she have left?

The bottom of the tank

was still a little damp.

Take your thumb

out of that soup, Major.

Sit down, Lieutenant.

We can talk while you're eating.

Well, why don't you sit down and eat?

Aren't you hungry?

Yes, but not hungry enough

to talk against my country.

Look, lady, we were under the impression

that you came here

to get away from your country.

I came here to prevent myself

from getting shot.

Why would they wanna shoot you?

I did something that was wrong.

You did?

I can't believe it.

What did you do?

- Disobeyed an order

of my commanding officer.

- What kind of an order?

It was in regard to tactics,

so I naturally can't explain it.

That sounds reasonable.

Who asked you? Hello?

Oh, put him through.

Palmer Field. General Black.

Hello. Hello, General. Yes.

The plane looks like a Soviet version

of our T-33.

She's right here in my office.

I can't tell you exactly

what I think of it.

But either she or that jet

must be pretty good to get this far.

Sir? Well, no,

she isn't very talkative.

All I've been able to get out of her

is some baloney about

why she flew the coup.

What is that baloney?

Yes, sir.

Sausage.

I was thinking of having Rexford

fly her down in the C-47.

But I said nothing about sausage.

No, sir.

Nobody did. But he's one of those men

who suspects everything

he can't understand.

Oh.

Yes, sir.

Good-bye, sir.

Why don't you believe me?

Your story's too simple for a Russian,

too smart and too straight.

I have a feeling you don't like Russians.

Well, I don't know.

I met lots of 'em in Germany.

Got drunk with 'em.

I sang their songs,

and they sang mine.

It was a beautiful friendship

that gradually ripened...

into complete apathy, baby.

But why?

Say, where have you been

all this time?

Russia.

That explains it.

Well, let's see.

Kindly lay out any articles

you may have in your possession.

What's that?

My cigarettes and lighter.

Finally made one that'll work.

Anything else?

Only this.

Is that all?

Yes.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have

to search you.

I expected that. Go ahead.

It'll be a lot easier

if you'll take that stuff off.

A little heavier than ours.

Hold it!

This way.

Come on.

Take the rest of

your things off in here.

Thank you.

- I see you have hot water.

- Help yourself.

- Are you serious?

- Sure. Go ahead.

May I use the soap too?

Also the towel.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

All set?

Be ready to go in half an hour.

Say, what's goin' on in there?

Sounds like she's taking a shower.

Well, how do you like that?

Not so loud. I don't want her

to know you're here.

Why not?

Well, I think

she's gonna pull something.

Huh?

I may be wrong, but

What's the matter?

The water's so hot!

Well, why don't you

turn on the cold faucet?

Where is it?

Right next to the other one.

Can't you see it?

No.

Why not?

What's the matter with your eyes?

They got soap in them.

Uh-oh.

Well, I'll fix that.

Come on over to the door.

Here I am.

Now put your hand on the knob.

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