Jingle All the Way 2 Page #2

- See y'all later.

- Good night, Daddy.

Good night, darling.

Hey, Ben Franklin.

You got a bulb out.

It's all right, honey. You did good.

No way. He actually called

her "my little sugarplum"?

Yeah. I was standing right there.

Even I know that's a violation

of daddy-stepdaddy protocol.

You gonna kick his butt,

like you did Kip Kornhausen?

Kip Kornhausen? Oh, man.

Bud, that was in third grade.

I'm not gonna kick his butt.

I'm gonna teach him a lesson, though.

When it comes to Christmas spirit,

I'm fit to be Victor's worst nightmare.

But the toy every little girl

and boy wants for Christmas...

is Harrison the Talking Bear.

Check this out.

Using a sophisticated

computer chip...

Harrison can learn up to 300 words,

including a child's name.

Hi, I'm Harrison.

- What's your name?

- Margo.

Nice to meet you, Margo.

Let's be friends.

Well, if you want one in time

for Christmas, you'd better hurry.

- Supplies are limited and not expected...

- I wish I had one of those when I was a kid.

- Order up.

- There it is right there.

Christmas lights,

a hundred foot for $32.99.

So if I wanna get as

many as Victor's got...

Let's see.

That's gonna run me about...

a liver and two kidneys.

Oh, boy.

He's gonna have a winter

wonderland over there.

And I can't really compete with his wallet,

so I'm gonna have to use my head.

I'll take the wallet,

first-round knockout.

- Thanks for the vote of confidence there.

- It's on the house, Larry.

Wait a minute. I got a

great idea. Come on.

Well, that about does it.

We're all done. That's it.

That's the last part.

You know, using these used

car parts, Larry, was a great idea.

- This is gonna look amazing.

- Darn right it will.

Victor can put that in

his wallet and sit on it.

You're not gonna find better Christmas lights

than that anywhere, not even at Kmart.

- Speaking of the devil.

- Well, lookie here.

This is gonna be fun.

- Hi, Daddy.

- Hey.

What's this?

Looks like you're using a

lot of electricity, Larry.

- You sure this thing is safe?

- Of course it is. I rigged it myself.

Obviously it's safe. All right.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Claude, would you get up here?

All right.

In honor of Christmas and Noel...

I bring to everybody...

Larry's spectacular parade of lights.

Music please, Claude.

All right.

That ought to be in some kind of a

home-and-garden magazine right there.

That's unbelievable.

What do you think

of that, sweetheart?

- It's awesome.

- It's glorious.

And now I present to

you the grand finale.

As they say in France,

the piece of the resistance.

Daddy!

- Daddy?

- Larry, are you okay?

Am I in heaven?

Hi, Victor.

Sorry there was a power outage last night so

we couldn't make pancakes this morning...

or bake Christmas cookies last night.

It's okay. I can bake

cookies with Chef Philippe.

Who's Chef Philippe?

- He's Victor's chef.

- Chef?

I'll bet Victor's chef ain't got Fruity

Pebbles. How's them Fruity Pebbles?

Delish.

That's right. They're delicious.

Dad, I think we need

a new holiday tree.

What's wrong with that one? That's one

of them little Charlie Brown trees.

He's so cute.

I like the smell of Mommy

and Victor's better.

And it doesn't have

enough room for presents.

Why don't you and me go shopping

for a big old Christmas tree?

Cool beans!

Can I have this one?

It's almost as big as the one that

Mommy and Victor have at their house.

Yeah, but, honey, that thing's $300.

I mean, that's crazy.

For $300 it ought to already

have presents underneath it.

Sugar, picking a Christmas tree

is like picking a boyfriend.

Trust me. You can't just

settle on the first one.

Or the second one or the third

or the fourth or the fifth.

Okay, I get it, Dad.

Hey, can I get apple cider?

I'll tell you what, that's the

best idea I've heard all day.

Here you go.

Get me one if it's not $300.

Okay.

So you like what you see?

I plead the Fifth.

- Well, we have a wide variety

of trees here. - I see.

If you want a fir tree,

we've got Douglas fir...

we've got noble fir, we've got

concolor fir, we've got Canaan fir.

- Hey, you look more like a pine guy to me.

- Do I look like a pine guy?

Here I thought I was more of a concolor.

Boy, all these years I've been living a lie.

Well, we have white pine,

Virginia pine and Scotch pine.

- So, what's your pleasure?

- I want something very special and cheap.

- Special and cheap?

- Yeah.

Well, the ones that are cheaper

tend to be on the more sparse side.

- But you can cover it up if you flock it.

- Flock?

This one right here is only $165.

Hundred and sixty-five dollars.

- How much is the flocking?

- Oh, the flocking's free.

You know what?

I'll just take the flocking.

You could go for this guy over here.

He might be more in your price range.

What in tarnation is that thing?

That is a special-order 50-foot

Norway spruce shipped from Maine.

- Fifty-foot.

- It costs $10,000.

Ten thousand dollars.

What kind of blockhead buys a

Christmas tree for $10,000?

- Okay. Yeah, yeah. That's great.

- Never mind.

Can you give me a second?

I wanna check that tree out.

- Sure.

- That's something else.

You couldn't find anything bigger?

Just kidding. Thank you very much.

It's fantastic.

Hey, Trish.

Oh, it's perfect. Noel's gonna love it.

It's gonna be the best tree lighting ever.

Victor, I get that Baxter Box always hosts

the town's tree-lighting ceremony...

but do you really have to buy

the town a $10,000 tree?

Are you trying to run for mayor?

No, no, hon. I'm just trying to buy

some goodwill and affection here.

I just figure the bigger the tree,

the more the affection, right?

Oh, so he's trying

to buy Noel's love.

My little girl's love ain't

for sale for anybody.

Sorry.

Hey! No, I'm in here!

Turn it off! I can't see!

Turn it off! Somebody

turn that machine off!

I can't... I can't...

Dad. What happened?

I hope somebody got the

license plate of that pigeon.

You wanna have a snowball fight?

Come on.

You missed me.

No, no, no.

You have got a really good arm.

Gotcha. Oh, she's charging.

No! Okay, this is war.

- Way to go.

- You missed me.

I'm gonna feel this in the morning.

How are you even doing that?

I hit you a hundred times.

I got you a million and 98.

- You two have fun?

- We had tons of fun.

I totally nailed Victor.

- She did.

- Good for you.

Well, your lunch is ready

for you in the kitchen.

And remember, we're dropping

you off at your dad's at 3.

We have enough time for another

snowball fight after lunch.

Right, Victor?

You wouldn't be interested

in peace talks, would you?

Not a chance.

I had a lot of fun with you, Victor.

Me too.

You're almost as much fun as my dad.

Almost as much fun as Larry.

I can't compete with that guy.

Skating, sledding,

hockey, ice fishing.

He's like a big squishy teddy bear.

This isn't a competition, Victor.

You're Noel's dad too.

Dad Number 2. Second best. Runner-up.

A substitute.

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