Jinxed Page #2

I just want some water.

My radiator sprung a leak.

- Well, you got any?

- Yeah.

Help yourself, I guess.

Only make it snappy, okay?

- So how come you live way out here?

- I don't. I'm a mirage.

Yeah, that was my first impression

when you came to the door.

I said to myself,

"This is too good to be true."

You're overflowing.

Sometimes is hard to stop.

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

- Say, how about a beer?

- Thas no good for a radiator.

- I thought it might start your motor.

- I haven't got a motor.

You will.

Well, drink it on your way out of here,

all right? I got things to do.

I suppose you're wondering what a guy like

me is doing here at 10:00 in the morning?

I'm a bird watcher.

Around here is a real good place

to find rare ones.

Like vultures.

- Seen any?

- No.

You don't look like no bird watcher to me.

Sure I do. You probably just never

knew one before, thas all.

Hey, I can do bird calls, too, you know.

You know, I was state champ in '76.

You want to hear me do one? Les see.

- Want to hear me do a Baltimore Oriole?

- Thas a baseball player.

And don't pull a St. Louis Cardinal on me

either 'cause thas a baseball player, too.

Can't judge a girl by her trailer, can you?

Not this girl.

All right. How about a Scarlet Pimpernel?

Thas a movie starring Leslie Howard.

Probably before your time.

Would you do me a favor and just go?

- I know what you want.

- Please go.

- You want to hear me do a robin?

- No.

Sure you do. Tweety, tweet, tweet.

- I'm supposed to be real impressed by that?

- Yeah, you should be.

- There's only one bird I want to hear you do.

- Yeah, whas that?

Can you do a pigeon?

Well, you tell me this:

Can you do a red-cheeked nightingale?

- Thas okay. Come on.

- No!

You know what else?

I do a great rooster, too.

Yeah, the best. Cock of the walk.

- Hiya, whiskers.

- His name is Angus.

Angus, huh?

- Hey, come here, you.

- No.

- Come here. Come on.

- Not again.

- Come on.

- No.

Well, maybe just a quickie.

You're so wonderful when you laugh.

You're wonderful.

Hey, can I ask you something?

- I'll never walk again.

- Come on.

Let me ask you something.

I was 15. He was a traveling salesman.

- No, that wasn't the question.

- With a very small route.

- No, that wasn't the question.

- No?

You want to know about the guy I live with?

Oh, my God.

I hate to think what would happen

if he caught us together. Jesus.

Whoa. Okay. I'm gone.

But that still wasn't the question.

What was the question?

What was the question?

- Whas your name?

- My name is Bonita Friml.

- Whas yours?

- Willie Brodax. My pleasure.

- No, my pleasure.

- Good.

Nice having you over. Nice having you.

All right.

I'll be seeing you.

Magic? All right!

I'm sorry, babe.

- You smell like a brewery. Drunk again.

- No, I ain't drunk.

But I got a hangover.

I'll just get you a cup of coffee,

all right, babe?

You know what I want.

- Harold, I'm not in the mood.

- Only one of us has to be.

Why don't you put on that baby doll outfit

I got you in Vegas? Go on.

- I suppose you want the wig, too.

- Why not?

- What the hell are you doing in there?

- I can't find the baby dolls.

I must have put them in the dirty laundry.

Oh, Harold.

- Where are you going?

- I just want to talk to you, hon.

- Harold, tell me something. If you win big...

- When I win big.

Yeah, when you win big. Then what?

I don't know. Les go to Acapulco.

Oh, Harold. Not the same old story again.

Let me just try to put myself...

inside that screwed-up mind of yours

for a minute, Bonita.

Feel free, Harold.

The thought thas going

through that little blonde head of yours...

is when Harold busts this patsy,

he's gonna be so goddamn happy...

he won't miss you if you leave.

Ain't the way is gonna work out, girl.

'Cause if you left, it wouldn't be the same.

You'd take the flavor away.

You see, a guy waits all his goddamn life...

to pull off his best shot...

and he comes home like a goddamn general

who won the war.

And his woman says, "See you around."

How do you think I'd feel?

What do you think I'd do?

You'd kill yourself?

Sh*t, no. I'd kill you.

Put that little thing on, all right? Come on.

And don't stay in there

for f***ing 20 minutes, either.

Shut up!

Damn pissant!

Angus! Oh, my God!

Maria, where's that crinoline?

Is under that roll over there.

I just pressed it.

- Ms. Friml?

- Oh, yeah, you. What do you want?

I'm sorry for throwing you out the other day.

I was freaked out.

Those f***ing dancers.

I caught you at Tahoe, and let me tell you...

you are A-okay.

I mean, you got a great pair of lungs.

Get to the point.

I got this reunion coming in this week.

The usual old songs for old farts.

And you thought of me? Thanks.

I thought you might want to make

a couple of bucks.

Well, really I do. But my old man, he...

$225. And I will personally bring agents.

- You will?

- Agents. Agents.

- Yeah, I heard you.

- So?

- Can I think about it?

- But not long. 4:00 p.m.

- Okay, I'll call you.

- You hear me? 4:00 p.m.

- Say it.

- 4:
00 p.m. I'll call you. Thanks.

- I'll be hearing from you. Don't let me down.

- Okay. Bye.

What do you want for breakfast?

Don't.

What are you doing?

I feel it inside me. Is almost time.

Almost time for what, Harold?

- I'm moving in for the big kill.

- When?

I'm gonna be gone

for a couple of days, babe.

Where are you going, Harold?

Somewhere over the rainbow.

You gonna make a little offering to the gods

so they'll smile down on you?

Something like that.

You'd better get you some sleep, babe.

You look terrible.

Thanks, Harold.

Couple of days, then, Harold.

Tweety tweet tweet.

Hi.

Oh, not so terrible.

But Jesus, are you a slob.

Is comfortable.

Know the greatest thing about this place?

No, is not that. Is over here.

This beautiful big bed.

And over here, we got this

deluxe, giant mirror.

I gotta tell you,

there's more to life than furniture.

You know what I'm trying to say?

How'd you find out where I live?

Did you know you and I work

at the same place?

All I had to do was ask the lady

in Personnel. It wasn't hard.

What I want to know is,

how did you find out where I live?

Just lucky, I guess.

I musve made a pretty big hit

for you to go to all this trouble.

Oh, a great big hit.

- Good. Come here.

- No.

- Come on.

- No.

No, I mean it. No. Les get out of here.

Whas the matter, baby?

Motel rooms make you feel cheap?

I never feel cheap, Willie. Never.

- Sorry, no offense.

- No offense.

Where do you want to go?

- Someplace where we can breathe.

- You want to breathe?

Fine. I know a lot of places

where we can go breathe.

- Not heavily.

- No, I promise.

Cross my heart.

Yeah, but why me?

I mean, why did he zero in on me?

He says you're his own personal patsy.

- And you're someone he can dominate.

- Thas bullshit.

Yeah, thas what I thought, till he

chased you out of Vegas and Tahoe.

Look, Willie, you better face it.

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