Jitterbugs Page #3

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We've been in this joint

for five minutes...

and we already contacted

the interested parties.

- And are they interested.

- But haven't you...?

We spent a lot of money

to put over this deal.

Say, $ 1 0,000 is a lot of hay.

It's a lot of money too.

He's got the suite down the hall.

Get him in here...

and l'll watch

for your drink order at the bar.

Then l'll walk in

at the right time. Get it?

And don't forget

to use your Southern accent.

- Does y'all mean like this, honey?

- Fine, that's it.

L'll be right back.

Oh, y'all, please don't leave me,

please don't leave me.

Oh, please.

Oh, my hero.

I declare, l'd have collapsed in the hall

if it hadn't been for you...

and someone else

might have come along...

someone not so strong,

so gallant.

Come sit here beside me.

Why?

- Why, l still feel a little faint.

- L'll go get a doctor if you like.

Oh, let us have some drinks.

- Shall l order a couple of Sazeracs?

- L'm sorry, lady, but l don't drink.

You don't drink?

I mean, you all don't drink?

Oh, would you mind if l had

a little snifter? l mean a little sip?

Certainly not.

Would you mind pouring it for me?

See, l've sweetened it.

One little sip?

Just for poor little me?

Just one little sip, but just one.

You know, that's a bit of all right.

I declare, for a Texan, you all have

a mighty funny dialect, colonel.

- Colonel?

- Aren't you Col. Watterson Bixby?

- No, l'm his valet.

- What?

- Yeah, my name is Potts.

- Potts!

Yeah, P-O "otts," Potts.

- Come in.

- Oh, no, that's my husband.

Hide, quick!

Colonel Watterson Bixby

of Amarillo County, Texas, my fair lady.

As your neighbor down the hall,

l've come to present my regards...

and convey my felicitations.

Colonel Watterson Bixby.

I'm almighty proud to meet you all.

- Come right in.

- Thank you, ma'am.

- My name is Mary Lou, colonel.

- What a pretty name.

- Can l call you Mary?

- Please do.

And you just call me Watty.

Watty. How about a drink?

Shall l order a couple of Sazeracs?

A couple? Why, madam, that's just

a three-furlong dash to a 4-year-old.

Order a dozen.

And it shall be

Colonel Watterson Bixby's pleasure...

my little magnolia blossom.

A dozen Sazeracs for 807, please.

Mary, is that hard liquor

l see on yonder table?

But that is brandy, colonel,

and l've ordered absinthe.

The perfect chaser.

Permit me.

To the fairest flower in the garden

of Southern womanhood.

- Sit down, colonel.

- Thank you.

L've heard no woman

can resist you, Watty.

Mary, you gonna have

a lot of fun proving it.

- You mind if l smoke?

- Not at all.

Thank you.

- Cigarette?

- Oh, no, thank you.

- Light?

- Thank you.

- Things are moving?

- Yeah.

Oliver has just walked

into the spider's web.

I found the third member

of the party.

He's running a showboat nightclub.

That's fine.

That's where you come in.

- What do you mean?

- L've sort of been worrying...

for fear you'd be in the way.

If we got in a jam, that is.

- L'll stick with you boys.

- Don't you see?

Nightclub, singing, that's your racket.

You get a job, pave the way...

we'll move in

and clean out the whole gang.

You mean you want me to walk out

before l get the money?

Does that mean you...?

You still don't trust me?

No.

Because if you don't, well...

we might as well

call the whole thing off.

Don't be silly.

I trust you, Chester.

Don't think l'm not grateful.

L'll do as you say.

- Sit down, Mary Lou.

- Thank you.

- Delicious.

- Nectar.

Mary Lou, absinthe makes

the heart grow fonder.

Hold your breath

and take nine sips of water.

Thank you, colonel.

Watty, you have lovely hands.

Thank you, Mary.

Impulsive little creature,

aren't you, darling?

Shall...? Shall we all have

some music now?

I don't mind if l do.

Colonel, y'all dance divinely.

It must be the gypsy in me.

Kiss me, my little dove.

So!

I find you, my wife,

in the arms of another man.

- Lionel, l can explain everything.

- You can explain...

- But, sir, you don't understand...

- L understand everything, sir.

I should kill you both,

perhaps l will.

- Oh, it was nothing.

- Nothing?

You call it nothing when l find this

Casanova making violent love to you?

Why, l'll...

And now, Colonel Watterson Bixby,

l'll deal with you.

L'll go to name you co-respondent

in my divorce case against my wife.

No, no.

Think of my position in society.

- L'm in no mood for trifling.

- Can't this little matter be adjusted?

Sir, you dare to offer me money?

Well, just between

two Southern gentlemen.

Money for my wife? For my honor?

- For my love?

- For my children.

Your poor little innocent babes.

Why should the sins of the father

be visited upon the children?

- How much?

- Ten thousand dollars, sir.

Ten thousand dollars?

Ten years in jail is more like it,

my fine-feathered friend.

Who are you?

Sheriff Jonathan Bates

of Midvale County.

L've got a warrant for your arrest

for swindling Mrs. Audrey Cowan...

out of $ 1 0,000.

- You can't get away with this.

- Oh, no?

Deputy.

Yes, sheriff?

- Got the extradition papers?

- Everything signed by the governor.

- Put the handcuffs on him.

- Wait a minute, this can be fixed.

Are you trying to bribe

an officer of the law?

I wouldn't think of that.

You've gotta realize this is

a business deal that went wrong.

L'll refund the money,

save further trouble and expense.

L'll turn my share of the money over,

and you can give it back to Mrs. Cowan.

Well, the main thing

is to get the money back.

Hand it over.

Here's 5000.

That was my split.

- What happened to the other $5000?

- My partner, Bennett, has it.

Your partner tipped us off

you had all the dough.

So that's where the squawk

comes from.

Your partner, Bennett.

Bennett.

Put them up!

You two cheap grifters thought

you could put something over.

I got a notion to drill you.

Hand back that dough, smart guys.

Hand it over.

We were only fooling.

Get the handcuffs!

Give me the handcuffs!

Here you are. Come on.

- Hey, put him in the closet.

- All right.

Oh, no, you don't, Mary Lou.

Come on, hurry, hurry. We gotta

get out of this joint fast.

Well, what do you say, Tony?

No, this is not my racket.

Of this l know from nothing.

L'll give you a half-interest. All l need

is 5 grand to open the show.

Five grand's a lot of money.

Sometimes it takes me

a whole week to make 5 grand.

Isn't he going to help you,

Mr. Bennett?

No dice. l had plans, Susan.

I was gonna make a big star out of you.

I knew you had the stuff

the first time l saw you.

Would Tony Queen put up the money

if he thought he had a sure thing?

If Tony thought he had a cinch,

he'd kick in with plenty.

- Wish l could help you.

- Thanks anyway.

You don't happen to have

any money in your family?

I have an aunt in Boston

who has quite a lot, but that's Boston.

It doesn't do us much good when l'd

figured l'd open in a couple of nights.

Never mind any more rehearsals

for the present, honey.

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